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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

MEW YORK • BOSTON • CHICAGO - DALLAS 
ATLANTA • SAN FRANCISCO 

MACMILLAN & CO., Limited 

LONDON • BOMBAY • CALCUTTA 
MELBOURNE 

THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, Ltd. 

TORONTO 




JULIA C. STIMSON 

From the photograph for her passport, May, 1917. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 

The Letters of an American Army 

Chief Nurse in a British 

Hospital in France 



y^BY 

. v 

JULIA C^STIMSON, M.A., R.N. 

i 

Chief Nubse, No. 12 (St. Loui8, U. S. A.) 
General Hospital, B. E. F. 



" Now God be thanked who has matched 
us with His hour 
And caught our youth, and wakened 
us from sleeping." 

— Rupert Brooke. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

1918 

All rights reserved 






Cofybmmt, 1818, 
Bt THE MAOMILLAN COMPANY. 



Set up and electrotyped. Published September, 19x8. 



Nfltiaootj $ress 
J. S. Cushing Co. — Berwick <fc Smith 0«. 
^ Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. 

sep 25 iaia 



/Vvv? \ 



TO ALL MY MAJOR* 

WHOSE KIND HELPFULNESS 

WAS NEVEE TAILING 



NOTE 

These letters were written as the daily record 
of the work of a Unit of Red Cross nurses who 
were sent to France in May, 1917, in response 
to the request of the British authorities. The 
Unit, almost immediately after its arrival in Eng- 
land, was sent across the Channel to take over a 
British Base Hospital established on a race course, 
where they have cared continuously for a stream 
of from eight hundred to two thousand wounded 
"Tommies" at a time. 

The original sixty-five American nurses were as- 
sisted for several months by English Volunteer 
Aids, and when these were withdrawn, they were 
reenforced with some thirty American nurses. 

Though written with no thought of publica- 
tion, as the war lengthens out, these letters have 
become of especial value as the record of first 
impressions and experiences which for those con- 
cerned were startlingly new. Since then much has 
been happening of tremendous significance both 
to the participants and to the world, but the 
events recorded here have not lost their interest, 

vii 



viii NOTE 

nor has their graphic character been blunted, 
by recent occurrences. Hence, though the initial 
purpose of printing these letters was to furnish 
this group of women with a permanent story of 
their devoted service, it has been suggested that 
the letters have a much wider interest, and they 
have therefore been given for publication by Miss 
Stimson's family. 

Henry A. Stimson 

Pastor emeritus, Manhattan 
Congregational Church. 
New Yoke, June, 1013. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 



FINDING THEMSELVES 



St. Louis, May 4, 1917. 

Dearest Mother and Dad : — 

As you have probably seen by the papers, we 
all are in the midst of alarms. We have had less 
than a week's notice to get ready for mobilization 
for service in France, and so it has been a rushing 
week. Last Saturday afternoon we received word 
we were likely to be called out soon — in two or 
three weeks — but on Tuesday night I received 
word to have the nurses ready by Saturday. It is 
now Friday evening and most of the nurses are 
ready, but it is quite certain we won't be leaving 
for several days as the doctors' uniforms, for 
instance, won't be ready till next Wednesday. I 
am glad indeed for the extra time. The nurses 
can take a very small steamer trunk and a suit- 
case. As we apparently are to be sent abroad 
"for the duration of the war" it is rather a puzzle 
to know what to take. 

Of course this order for foreign service is playing 
havoc with the personnel of the Unit, so few 
expected to be called for duty abroad. In fact 
no one expected a call of this sort at all. I have 



% FINDING THEMSELVES 

been quite disgusted with the quitters who, for 
one reason or another, have begged to be excused. 
I have had about ten drop out, but I am find- 
ing substitutes who I think will be much more 
desirable than such weak-kneed individuals. But 
every substitution means a great deal of work 
and much telegraphing; for each name has to 
be approved at Washington, and after physical 
examinations are made here they also have again 
to be approved at Washington. I have had a 
number sent back for more complete details. I 
am to have a detachment of Kansas City nurses 
attached to my corps. Ten, and maybe more, 
for there are to be sixty-five, and I had only fifty 
in my original order and some of these have been 
dropped or have had to fall out. Two whose names 
I submitted I have had to drop by orders from 
Washington because they were born in Germany. 
So there is much to do, you see. 

It is now Sunday, and we are going down to hear 
Joffre speak if we can get into the Coliseum. He 
and his staff are coming out to review the Unit 
at the [Barnes] hospital to-morrow. I do hope 
that by this time next Sunday we shall be on 
our way, for waiting around after one is ready is 
very trying, particularly when people of all sorts 
are weeping farewells over you all the time. 
Well, anyway, here is loads of love to you all. 
We know it is the biggest opportunity of our lives. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 3 

People are being wonderful and are rallying 
around us splendidly. We are offered more help 
than we can possibly use. It has been pretty 
fatiguing but I am beginning to realize that I 
can take things more slowly now. Naturally I 
wanted to be as nearly ready with all my force 
by Saturday as I possibly could be. You can 
imagine the number of questions I have had to 
make up answers for, that come to me every hour 
of the day and night, not to mention all the details 
I have to impress upon many people, those who 
go, and those who stay. 

But it is all wonderful beyond belief. I just 
wish I had the words to express what I think 
about this opportunity. Aside from what we 
think about the causes and principles involved, 
and the tremendous satisfaction of having a 
chance to help work them out, to be in the front 
ranks in this most dramatic event that ever was 
staged, and to be in the first group of women ever 
called out for duty with the United States Army, 
and in the first part of the army ever sent off on 
an expeditionary affair of this sort, is all too much 
good fortune for any one person like me. The 
responsibility of my big job of whipping into shape 
a band of heterogeneously trained nurses and of 
competing for loyalty and spirit with groups of 
nurses from the East, and mostly all from one 
school, seems almost an overwhelming job, but 



4 FINDING THEMSELVES 

naturally I am going to do my very best. I have 
some splendid women to help me in the executive 
line, and although we do not know each other's 
ways at all we will do what we can. As for the 
men, we could not have a more splendid group to 
work with. I shall have every possible help from 
them. Personally I am feeling fine and oh, so 
keyed up. I cannot ever be worthy of all the 
honor and opportunities that have come to me, 
not to mention all the happiness. It seems as if 
my life has just overflowed with good things 
and that I can never live long enough to put 
back into the world all that has been given to 
me. 

My little nurses * are being so fine. The pres- 
ent Senior class of thirty-two would have been my 
first real class, the first I have taken all through, 
and they are weeping around that I am not going 
to be here to graduate them. But to-morrow 
night after chapel I am to have a heart-to-heart 
talk with them and I believe I can make them feel 
better. 

May 7 th, Marshal J off re presented the American 
colors to the St. Louis Unit (U. S. Base Hospital) 
No. 21 of Washington University at the Barnes 
Hospital. 

1 Miss Stimson was then superintendent of nurses and head of the 
training school for nurses at Barnes Hospital, Washington Uni- 
versity, St. Louis. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 5 

May 16th, These colors were consecrated at the 
Cathedral in a special service for the Unit. 

May 17th, The Unit left St. Louis and sailed 
from New York on Saturday the 19th. 

On board ship. 
May 21, Monday. 
Dearest Family : — 

If only all you dear people at home could know 
how comfortable and happy we all are, you would 
not worry the slightest bit about us. Of course 
the danger is still here even if we don't notice it, 
but everything is so serene it seems as though 
it couldn't possibly touch us. The only time 
that one can even imagine any danger is at night 
when on the decks not a single particle of light 
can be seen, except a dark purple glow at each 
companion-way. All the portholes are fastened 
shut and all the windows of the dining-saloon are 
shut and shaded as soon as it begins to get dark. 
The main hall, or whatever the place is called, 
in the center of the boat where the main stairways 
are, is also entirely dark, so that when the doors 
to the deck are opened no light will shine out. 
We are told that we are one of a group of boats 
going out together although out of sight of each 
other, and that when we get nearer the other 
side we are to be convoyed by battleships. We 
are getting wireless directions from cruisers now, 



6 FINDING THEMSELVES 

but are not sending out any messages. We had 
lifeboat drill this morning, with lifebelts on and 
each person knows to exactly what boat he or she 
is to go. At times like those drills there is noth- 
ing but the greatest jolliness and cheerfulness. 
In fact, all the time there seems to be nothing 
but cheerfulness and eagerness to get to work. 
I haven't even heard of any apprehensiveness 
on the part of a single person. As one of my 
nurses said in her slow drawly way: "There isn't 
any use worrying about the submarines. If the 
Germans are going to kill us, worrying isn't going 
to prevent it. If the Germans do kill me, I'm 
going to come back and haunt the whole German 
army." 

Everything has gone so very smoothly from the 
very beginning, I really don't see how arrange- 
ments could have been improved upon. Even 
the one trunk that got left behind reached the 
steamer in time, and the two nurses who were 
to join us in New York turned up exactly as 
scheduled and all the missing documents from the 
War Department came before we left and as far 
as I could tell, everybody had everything that 
she ought to have. When the gangplank was 
pulled up and I realized that not one of my 
group could get lost for at least ten days, and 
there were no more documents to expect by mail 
and no more telegrams giving more instructions, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 7 

it seemed as if a great load dropped off my shoul- 
ders. It was a glorious day and the sail down the 
harbor was wonderful. All kinds of boats tooted 
and blew their whistles at us and people on ferry 
boats waved and cheered us. Soon after lunch, 
the few necessary room adjustments were made 
and trunks were carried to the proper rooms. 
Nurses had been assigned to rooms alphabetically, 
but a few changes seemed to make everybody 
happy. Some of the nurses are three in a room, 
but quite a lot of them are only two in a room. 
With the portholes screwed down there is no dif- 
ference between the inside and the outside rooms. 
The whole Pennsylvania Unit, Base Hospital 
No. 10, is with us, going no one knows where, 
any more than we do. They seem very nice 
people, and the Chief Nurse is the Miss Dunlop 
with whom I had been corresponding about 
work at the American Ambulance. Miss Dunlop 
was in charge of the nursing at the Ambulance 
for some time and can give me lots of pointers 
about foreign service. 

When we reached the St. Paul that Friday 
evening about 6, going directly from the train 
to a ferry and from the ferry to the pier, we found 
the other Unit on board. A committee from the 
Red Cross was here giving out uniforms. It took 
not much over an hour and a half before each 
nurse had received all her things and was free 



8 FINDING THEMSELVES 

to go. Each one was given caps and armbands, 
a lovely soft cape lined with bright red flannel; 
a soft dark blue felt hat, with hat pins, a heavy 
dark brown blanket, a long heavy double-breasted, 
dark blue military coat and a dark blue serge 
dress. The whole equipment is excellent and 
extremely good in quality and the fit was fine, 
considering the way measurements had to be 
sent. There was a box there addressed to every 
single nurse, each one containing a dress and a 
coat. The dresses are very good looking. They 
have high standing collars with a little edging 
of white at the top and an edging of white at the 
cuffs. Extra edging was found in an envelope 
attached to each dress. There is a pleat that 
runs from each shoulder to the waist and a row 
of big black buttons follows those pleats. There 
is also a row of buttons up the outside of each 
sleeve. At the waist there is a belt and a cloth- 
covered buckle. The skirt has a pocket on each 
side and has a panel back. The effect of the 
whole outfit is very shipshape, though a little 
somber. There is no distinguishing mark for 
Chief Nurses, but Miss Noyes, the Chairman of 
the Bureau of Nursing Service, who came on from 
Washington to see us off, said she was going to 
work out some sort of a method for distinguish- 
ing the Chiefs and would let us know later what 
it is to be. A great many of the nurses sent back 



FINDING THEMSELVES 9 

to their homes the heavy coats they had brought 
for the steamer. I sent mine. 

All the officers and the enlisted men are having 
regular drill every day. I asked for some drill 
for the nurses too, and we began yesterday, 
greatly to the delight of every one, the spectators 
as well as those participating. We have regular 
setting-up exercises as well as some military 
formations so that we can march in decency and 
order when we have to. On shipboard standing 
on one foot and raising the other knee is apt to 
be accompanied with some merriment. And some 
of our fat doctor officers have more or less diffi- 
culty lying down flat on their stomachs and 
getting up very fast. But by the end of the voyage 
we all may be very proficient. At any rate it is 
awfully good for the digestion. Speaking of diges- 
tion, we are having excellent food and, as is al- 
ways the way on a steamer, altogether too much 
of it. The dining-saloon holds us all at one sitting, 
which is pleasant. No. 10 takes up all of one side 
and No. 21 the other and the few civilian passen- 
gers sit in the middle. 

I was assigned to a very good stateroom all 
by myself. Then yesterday the purser moved 
me into a still larger and better room, where I 
have a table and a droplight, which is more lux- 
ury than I ever traveled with before. People are 
all so good to us. Even the stewards and the 



10 FINDING THEMSELVES 

stewardesses, most of whom are English, seem to 
be only too glad to do what they can to make 
us all comfortable. There have been a few sea- 
sick nurses, which is hard to explain, as the weather 
has been perfect and the ocean very smooth. 
To-day there is a slight roll, but not enough to 
notice. Every day there is target practice with 
the guns. Empty barrels are thrown overboard 
and the gun crews shoot at them with the big 
guns that are on the forward and after decks. 

Evening prayers are held every evening at 
9.30, and yesterday we had church service and 
had all the enlisted men up. Our [Chaplain] 
Dean Davis is a real man. We got a choir together 
yesterday and last evening had some fancy sing- 
ing, which an overly critical person might call 
bellowing. It is a mixed choir and it certainly 
can sing. Now it is time I studied some French, 

Friday afternoon, May 25. 

Since I last wrote we have had some real weather, 
and such a lot of sick people ! Doctors as well as 
nurses succumbed; and great was the misery. 
To-day it is bright and sunny again and not so 
cold, and everybody is recovering. It was up 
along the Banks and opposite Labrador, I guess, 
where it was the worst. It was cold and rainy 
and really very rough, so much so that we had 
to have the racks on the tables. I have not been 



FINDING THEMSELVES 11 

sick a minute myself, but there was one day when 
I was not much interested in eating. Still I did 
not miss a single meal. 

It is a heavenly day to-day. We are already 
in or near the danger zone and extra precautions 
are being taken. It all seems so queer. To-night 
we are not to undress, and the few nurses who 
are on the deck below this one, where most of 
them are, are to sleep to-night in the doctor-offi- 
cers' rooms on the upper deck and the latter are 
to sleep in the sitting-rooms. There has been 
some special target practice when no passengers 
were allowed on deck, and there was an elaborate 
boat drill this afternoon. It is all strange business 
and still most incomprehensible to me. I still 
feel as if I were dreaming and that in a few min- 
utes I would wake up. We are due to land Sun- 
day afternoon at Liverpool, it seems, and are 
scheduled to go to London. But after that all 
is shrouded in mystery. My crowd of nurses are 
fine and have been behaving splendidly. Com- 
paring them to the Philadelphia bunch I feel 
that I have no reason to be ashamed of them or 
to fear for what they are going to do. They have 
all shown a splendid spirit and seem to be full 
of enthusiasm and eagerness to show what Mis- 
souri can do when it tries. I feel perfectly sure 
they are going to be a loyal, hard-working 
group. 



12 FINDING THEMSELVES 

All the nice things that people sent to eat and 
read have been greatly appreciated. I was just 
swamped with nice things, but there have been 
lots of people to enjoy them with me. I have 
slept and slept and read and read and shall be in 
fine shape when we land. I was pretty tired when 
we started and was not sleeping as I should because 
of the multiplicity of details that were on my mind. 
Except for the sick nurses the responsibility has 
let up a lot here on the boat, but will of course 
begin again when we land. My Squad Leaders 
have proved most efficient. Miss Dunlop of No. 
10 and I have had some very nice talks. I shall 
be sorry to lose her advice and assistance when 
we go our separate ways. She is considerably 
older than I am and much more experienced. 
For destinations there are rumors of Mesopotamia, 
Saloniki, Russia, England, and the North of 
France. Take your choice. It's a great game to 
be traveling thousands of miles and not know 
where you are going, nor how long you are going 
to stay, nor really what you are going to do when 
you get there. We may even be in camp some- 
where. All the camp equipment is with us. Well, 
I like the game anyway. 

Last night all my dear little nurses [in St. Louis] 
were having their graduation exercises without 
me. I hope they got the little speech I sent them, 
poor as it was. We were thinking of them. One 



FINDING THEMSELVES 13 

of the men at our table is keeping one of his watches 
at St. Louis time, so at every meal we discuss what 
is going on in St. Louis. 

When this letter reaches you, you will know 
that everything is well with us. You will know 
that before then, come to think of it. For it will 
take a long time for letters to get back to the 
U. S. A. It is going to be ages before we shall 
receive letters from you, worse luck. 

I have enjoyed Elsie's ginger and her book 
ever so much and Mother's wonderful Dean box 
is going to continue to be a delight for a long time. 
I am going to try to take the box along for eats, 
and to keep it for that. I am not sure yet just 
how much luggage I can manage and I seem to 
have accumulated a good deal more than I started 
with. The Ever Warm Safety Suit is awfully 
nice to have. I trust I shall not have to use it,i 
but it is nice to have around anyway. There are 
several of them on the boat. 

This letter can be kept just for the family. 
I am writing others to St. Louis. I do hope Philip * 
will be coming along over soon and that it won't 
take long to find out where he is. 

Don't you worry about me one least little bit. I 
am having the time of my life and wouldn't 
have missed it for anything in the world. 

Good-by for now. I hope all your summer 

1 Her younger brother, a doctor. 



14 FINDING THEMSELVES 

plans will work out smoothly and happily for 

you all. 

Lovingly 

Julia. 

Sat. May 26. — First night in danger zone 
safely passed and everything O.K. My bunch 
all went to bed and slept finely. 

Liverpool, The Adelphi Hotel. 

Monday, May 29, 1917. 
Dearest Family : — 

I do not know how I am ever going to manage 
to write down all the things I am learning and 
all the wonderful impressions that are beginning 
to crowd upon me. But I feel as though I could 
not bear to lose them ; and so many new ones will 
come every day, I surely will lose them if I don't 
write them down at once. 

We arrived last evening but did not dock until 
this a.m. at 7.30. We were met by a Colonel B., 
who said he came to welcome us in the name of 
the Director-General and the King. He was an 
extremely affable old tall thin boy in a much- 
decorated uniform and a swagger stick. He told 
us we were to stay in Liverpool 24 hours, the 
nurses at the Adelphi and the doctors at the 
Northwestern, and that to-morrow at 11 we are 
to be conducted to London, to stay there at the 
Waldorf Hotel four or Hve days, and then to be 



FINDING THEMSELVES 15 

sent to France. He said the Cleveland Unit had 
already been sent over, the Boston one was to 
go to-day, and the New York one Wednesday. 
The Philadelphia Unit and we are to stay together 
as far as London, but will be sent to separate 
destinations. We know where we are to go, 
but if I should tell you now the censor would cut 
it out. We can tell you later, not before. Any- 
way we are delighted, for we are to have lots of 
work, and mighty hard work too. We have been 
told considerable details about what we are to 
do, but I shall have to wait before I can tell you 
about it all. 

We reached the hotel about 11 and were as- 
signed to rooms with the greatest dispatch and 
courtesy. I have a most luxurious room and 
bath. After lunch I gave some directions to the 
squad leaders x about letting the nurses do what 
they wanted the rest of the day, in parties not 
larger than four, etc., in order not to be conspicu- 
ous, and then I came upstairs to sit down in quiet 
and read the paper and rest. I took a nice little 
nap and had a perfectly good bath, and a little 
before five was telephoned to that Miss Dunlop, 
the Chief Nurse of No. 10, and a Colonel J. wished 
me to come down to tea. I went on down and 
found Miss D., Colonel B., and Colonel J. in the 

1 Miss Stimson had organized her nurses, for convenience of 
direction, into squads of eight for the journey, each with its leader. 



16 FINDING THEMSELVES 

lounge, which was filled with a gay crowd of 
people having tea and listening to the orchestra. 
There were lots of uniforms, and many limping, 
bandaged soldiers, and I had my first heartache 
over the one-legged young officers. 

Pretty soon Colonel J., who is the English mem- 
ber of the R. A. M. C. (Royal Army Medical 
Corps) who is to escort us nurses to London 
to-morrow, went and brought over to our table a 
friend of his, a Major F., also R. A. M. C. This 
last man was a lean, hollow-eyed man of about 
40, who pretty soon got talking, and for the next 
hour I heard such tales as I hardly ever thought 
could be true. He had been a German prisoner 
of war for eleven months. On the way to the prison 
camp he had been kept in a railway carriage 
without food or water for three days. At Ger- 
man towns through which the train passed and 
where they always stopped, he said it frequently 
happened that women in Red Cross uniforms 
came to the stations and offered the prisoners 
cups of tea or milk and held them to their lips, 
only to snatch them away again and jeer and 
call them "schweinhund." He told of the treat- 
ment in the camps, where the prisoners in the 
dead of winter had only the rags of their uniforms 
to wear, their great coats had been taken away 
from them, and they slept on sacks of straw with- 
out even a tent or any kind of a roof over them. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 17 

He said he saw men die at the rate of seven a 
day from starvation. He said he never in all 
his hospital experience has seen such emaciation 
from either cancer or tuberculosis as he saw among 
the prisoners there who were starving. He saw 
men kiss the shoes of their guards and beg like 
babies for bread. Not the British Tommies but 
some of the other prisoners did this. The men 
had no opportunity to wash and no soap. Their 
beards and hair hung down to their waists and 
were alive with lice. He was in several different 
prison camps. The final one was one where he 
was sent as a punishment for writing a letter 
of protest to the American Ambassador. The 
letter was never delivered, and he was sent to a 
camp where he was the only British person among 
thousands of Russians. He had complained be- 
cause parcels sent to prisoners by their friends 
were not delivered to them but were allowed to 
rot and mildew and be eaten by rats. He was 
exchanged after eleven months' torture, he called 
it, in January, 1916. He himself had dysentery 
and scurvy but not typhus. After he recov- 
ered he was put in charge of a hospital ship, 
which was recently torpedoed. Of the 600 sick 
and wounded that he had on board he lost 
only 27. 

He told of a hospital ship crossing the Channel 
just behind his ship on one trip within 500 yards 



18 FINDING THEMSELVES 

of his ship and of its striking a"mine. There were 
no wounded on board at the time, but 12 nurses 
and officers and crew. One of the destroyers 
which was convoying his ship went to the rescue 
and got alongside the sinking hospital ship and 
a little French trawler also got alongside. Nine 
of the 12 nurses and the men all jumped and landed 
on the destroyer, but no sooner were they on that 
boat than it also struck a mine and was blown to 
atoms, and everybody on it and on the trawler 
was blown to bits. The three nurses who were 
in the water were picked up by Major F — 's 
boat. He is here in Liverpool fitting up another 
hospital ship and will probably be ordered East 
again to bring back more wounded. 

He asked if Miss Dunlop and I would like to 
see his ship. Would we ? We got our coats in a 
jiffy and flew off with him in a taxi to one of the 
docks quite a way off. His boat is a big ship that 
was a passenger ship between here and South 
America. He has taken out the cabins and made 
big wards and has accommodations for 800 sick 
or wounded men. I never saw anything so cleverly 
done as the way he is making over that ship. 
He has a splendid operating room, an X-Ray 
complete equipment, a steam laundry, and abso- 
lutely everything that a modern big city hospital 
has. It will be ready to sail, he said, in ten days, 
although to us there seemed to be an enormous 



FINDING THEMSELVES 19 

amount yet to do. They no longer have women 
nurses on the hospital ships. 

We came back from the dock by an "overhead" 
tram and got here about eight o'clock, although 
it was as light as four o'clock. Miss Dunlop and 
I then went to dinner together. Ruth Cobb and 
Rachel Watkins (our nice dietitian) spent the 
afternoon in Chester and had a wonderful time, 
they said. People are so wonderfully nice. The 
kids on the street salute us, and people come up 
and ask if we aren't American nurses and if 
they can't do something for us, and take nurses 
to tea and put them on the proper trams and show 
them all sorts of courtesies. 

I had just come in to start to write, about nine 
o'clock, when Major Murphy * was announced, 
and I went down to see him. He had called to see 
if there was anything he could do for us and to 
find out if we were all right. They are so consid- 
erate and good to us. I told him of our wonderful 
experience this afternoon, and just then Colonel 
J. and Major F. hove in sight and as I wanted Dr. 
Murphy to hear some of Major F — 's tales I 
introduced him, and soon left them, to come up 
here and write. 

It is now almost eleven and Miss Dunlop has 
been in to tell me the latest instructions she has 
received from her Majors. We always have to 

1 Director of the Unit. 



20 FINDING THEMSELVES 

compare instructions and see which of us knows 
the most about what is going to happen. If we 
have the same experiences as the nurses of the 
two previous Units, we are to be much feted in 
London, and are to be reviewed by the Queen. 
We have been trying desperately hard on ship- 
board to learn how to march and keep step and 
to right about face without falling over ourselves, 
but I fear we won't be much on looks when it 
comes to being reviewed. I trust we are not ex- 
pected to curtsy. And now I must hustle to bed, 
for to-morrow will be an exciting day. Good 
night and so much love to you all. If only you 
were all having this wonderful experience with 
me nothing more could be desired. 

J. 

Wednesday, June 6, 1917. 
Dearest Family : — 

I have not written since that day in Liverpool, 
and now we have been ten days in London. If 
only I had the ability to write what we have seen 
and what we have felt. The contrasts have been 
so great some of us have almost lost our mental 
equilibrium. We are feted and cheered and taken 
from one entertainment to another and made 
much of by people of every class ; and then be- 
tween such social affairs we visit hospitals, mili- 
tary hospitals, because it is necessary for us to 



FINDING THEMSELVES 21 

see how such hospitals are run. First we see 1700 
men, young men with faces or arms or legs blown 
off, and then we go to a tea at a fancy club ; next 
we see 500 blinded men fighting their way back 
into normal life by learning various occupations, 
then we are taken in a body to the silliest musical 
comedy that was ever staged. Again we see 
thousands of crippled soldiers brought out to 
see the King give decorations to 350 heroes and 
heroines, soldiers and nurses, or "the next of 
kin" all in black, and we nearly choke when a 
blinded officer is led up to the King by his orderly 
who directs his every move, and lame men go 
hobbling up to receive their medals, and we 
watch the King use his left hand to shake hands 
with one man, because the man's right arm is 
gone, and then we go to St. Paul's and see the 
Stars and Stripes carried up to the altar with 
the 64 British flags to be blessed at an "Empire 
day" service, while thousands and thousands of 
people sing "O God, our help in ages past." 

Do you wonder that our emotions are wearing 
us to a frazzle? It is not only feminine emotions 
that are affected, because there are those of our 
directors who said they could not go to St. Dun- 
stan's (the hospital school for blind soldiers) 
because they would not be able to sleep for 
nights afterwards. It is a mistake not to see such 
a wonderful place, however. There never was a 



22 FINDING THEMSELVES 

more cheerful, hopeful place in the world. Sir 
Arthur Pearson, the blind man who runs the place 
and is its inspiration, is doing the kind of recon- 
structing of lives that probably has no parallel 
in the world. He is having the men taught not 
just the trades and occupations that blind men 
are taught in other places, but all sorts of things. 
We saw men learning anatomy, who after a year's 
most strenuous training will be certificated mas- 
seurs. They take the regular examinations that 
the sighted people take and get excellent marks, 
and always get positions. There were men learn- 
ing cobbling and carpentry, and chicken-farming 
and shorthand and typewriting and matmaking 
and weaving and basketry. The whole place 
was full of whistling, singing men who were going 
about their business as though they were like 
everybody else in the world instead of in total 
darkness forever. There were 500 of these men. 

People tell me that English men and women 
have passed the emotional stage and have now 
settled down to work without the waste of riotous 
emotions and bursting feelings. It must be so 
or they would be dead, and they could not be doing 
the wonderful "war work" that each one of them 
is engaged in. From the highest to the lowest 
each woman has her work, her nursing, her pre- 
paring vegetables in hospitals (as Mrs. Waldorf 
Astor's sister was doing), her making of supplies, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 23 

her managing a hospital in a private house, her 
organizing "hostels" for nurses, raising funds, 
everything that one can conceive of as a job 
for women is being done, as never before. Of 
course the street-sweeping by women is a kind of 
war work, and the bus conductoring, and deliver- 
ing mail and telegrams, and driving cars and am- 
bulances. The streets are full of women in uni- 
forms of all sorts, all smart and business-like. 
Women in England are coming into their own. 
What is to happen after the war when the men 
come back can well fill the minds of those who are 
given to prophesy changes, for a change is tak- 
ing place here that can never be undone. In addi- 
tion to women taking a new place in the working 
world, class distinctions are being broken down 
in a way that is making itself felt to those who 
a few years ago could never have dreamt that 
such a change was possible. A few days ago 
Miss Dunlop and I were lunching with a Lady H. 
on Carlton House Terrace, overlooking St. James 
Park. In front of her house is the famous Crimean 
monument, flanked on one side by the beautiful 
statue of Florence Nightingale and on the other 
side by a statue of the father of the husband of 
our hostess. In the course of the talk at the 
luncheon, which was most informal and frugal, 
the conversation turned to the most-talked-of 
subject at meals nowadays, her "work," and Mrs. 



24 FINDING THEMSELVES 

A., who has a thousand-bed hospital on her 
grounds at C. and who spends almost her entire 
time in the wards, not nursing but talking and 
cheering the men up, said the men don't know 
it, but they are giving us far more than we are giv- 
ing them, and Lady H. replied : "Our whole out- 
look is changing. Take, for instance, us here to-day. 
A short while ago you (meaning Miss D. and me) 
and we (meaning Mrs. A., Sir Harry L., the other 
guest, an elderly man who had recently lost his 
only son, and herself) would have had nothing 
in common, and now we have everything in the 
world." This was said most simply and sincerely 
and was what she really felt. 

I can't tell you the number of people who have 
given us this same impression, and I can't begin 
to tell you how they all have tried to express to 
us what they think about our coming over to help 
them. Many individuals have talked to us sepa- 
rately with tears in their eyes and the warmest 
handshakes, and we have had speeches made to us 
in theaters by actresses and managers, who have 
led the whole audience in cheers. We have been 
stopped constantly on the streets by people who 
have asked us if we were not some of the "Ameri- 
can Sisters" and wasn't there some way in which 
they could express to us their appreciation of 
what we had come to do. Could they not take 
us to their homes and give us tea, and could they 



FINDING THEMSELVES 25 

not come to our hotel and take us out in groups 
to sightsee, and could they not send us tickets 
to this or that, and could they not make special 
arrangements to have Towers of London, and the 
Zoological Gardens and Lambeth Palaces and 
Houses of Parliament and such little things 
opened for us at unusual hours? We have been 
literally swamped with kindnesses. One officer 
has made himself almost a nuisance by giving us 
theater tickets for every single night and has 
been so insistent that every single nurse should 
go out to see something every night that we have 
come to dread his daily telephone calls or visits. 
Mrs. Page had a reception for us and Mrs. White- 
law Reid, and the Archbishop of Canterbury 
asked us to tea, and we spent a wonderful after- 
noon at Cliveden, and Sir Thomas Lipton sent 
us all chocolates and invited some of us to motor 
out to his place. The Royal Overseas Officers Club 
gave a reception for us, the American Woman's 
Club opened its doors to us. We have been sent 
choir seats at St. Paul's for special services and 
special tickets to the Royal Investiture, and there 
have been a number of other things which lords and 
ladies of high degree have asked us to in greater 
or lesser groups. 

To-morrow there is luncheon for me at Lady 
P.'s (a St. Louis woman whose sister I know), then 
a motor ride to somewhere on the Thames to see 



26 FINDING THEMSELVES 

a hospital where the nursing is done by New 
Zealand women. In the evening there is dinner 
for Miss D. and me with Mrs. F., the editor of 
the British Journal of Nursing, and after that 
I hope to get out to Elizabeth M.'s to spend the 
night, as I am afraid that will be my last chance 
to see her, as we are due to leave Saturday the 
9th. I spent a most beautiful Sunday with her 
last Sunday, going to church with her in the morn- 
ing and just sitting and talking with her most 
of the afternoon. She has two splendid boys, 
Jim just four and John about 18 months. Jim, 
Sr., is doing three men's work, it would seem, on 
the go from early morning till 10 or 11 at night. 
E. seems very well. She is this year most sensibly 
putting all her time into taking care of her men 
folks large and small. I had a little call this after- 
noon on Lady H.-H., and found her most lovely 
to look at and charming. We had such a nice 
talk and wasted no time on preliminaries. I am 
going to a special service with her in the morning 
at Westminster Abbey in St. Faith's Chapel. 
My nurses are all pawing the ground, they are so 

eager to get to work. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

Extract from letter from Lady H.-H. to Mrs. 
L. in New York : — 
"Thank you for sending me a letter by your 



FINDING THEMSELVES 27 

most interesting and delightful niece. I wish I 
might have seen more of her and her wonderful 
contingent of nurses. I went to the Waldorf 
Hotel to talk to them all at 8 : 30 on Friday night. 
I can't tell you what I said, but they seemed 
satisfied and I felt that it drew me nearer to you 
and your wonderful nation, and I wish it were 
possible to come to you and help you bear the 
heavy cross and suspense and anxiety. I know 
every step of the way and what it means, the 
long, weary march on the road of sorrow. But 
now God has let me see the glory and the triumph 
of it all, and I am no longer afraid." 

France, Monday, June 11, 1917. 
Dearest Daddy and Mother 
and all of you : — 
We have at last arrived ! I wish I could tell you 
where, but I can't. This much I believe I can say, 
that it is on the outskirts of a large city, a beauti- 
ful old city. Our particular hospital is on a race 
course, which looks now like a vast circus estab- 
lishment or a county fair, for it is covered with 
rows and rows of canvas tents, each of which holds 
about 14 beds. All around the edge are lovely 
thick trees, sycamores and locust they seem to 
be, under which are small conical tents, small 
single-room shacks of canvas and paper, and 
long, single-story "huts," as they are called. 



28 FINDING THEMSELVES 

These huts are made of thin wood and roofed 
with tarred paper and are divided into single 
cubicles, the whole hut accommodating about 
16 or 18 people. This part that I am describing 
is the nurses' corner of the paddock. It is really 
very beautiful, for the grass and hedges and trees 
are so green, and along the walks are little flower- 
beds, and pansies and geraniums and roses are 
all in bloom. If one looked only at this corner 
of the huge place, one might imagine oneself in 
some summer camp at home. But just a few 
hundred yards away are those scores of tents 
full of wounded, and every night more are brought 
in and others are sent away. This of course is the 
most beautiful time of year. The trees are full 
of birds, who chirp and sing all day long. And 
every few minutes along the road on the other 
side of our hedge troops go marching by. Some 
have bands and some whistle their marching tunes, 
but all march on and on. There are any number 
of hospital establishments like this all around 
here, and also thousands of troops of all sorts 
are in camp near. We got just a little glimpse 
of the situation as we were driven out here in 
huge motor ambulances from the station. 

We have not as yet gone over the hospital 
proper, for our luggage has not come and we have 
only our street uniforms, and the "Matron" says 
it is not wise for us to go into the hospital tent 



FINDING THEMSELVES 29 

until we have our wash clothes. For the last two 
nights we have not had even our hand bags. 
When they come, they will be welcome. The lack 
of tooth brushes is our only serious lack. It is 
surprising how quickly one can accustom oneself 
to get along without frills like wash cloths and 
night-dresses ! And as for new titles, I already 
no longer turn a hair when I am introduced as 
" Matron " Stimson. My bad and disrespectful chil- 
dren come to me all the time and say "Matron," 
may I do this or that ? That is the way the Eng- 
lish sisters address their Chief Nurse. As we all 
arrived before we were expected my nurses have 
not been assigned to their regular rooms yet. 
Last night they all slept in some of the large hospi- 
tal tents that were empty. My place was got 
ready for me and is most attractive. I have two 
shutoff rooms at the end of one of the "huts." 
The whole width of the hut is 15 ft. The depth 
of my rooms is 11 ft. And there is a partition 
about 7 ft. high which cuts off my bedroom which 
is 6 ft. wide, leaving 9 ft., the width of the sitting- 
room. I will draw a kind of plan on the other side 
for those who are interested in the details. It is 
all unpainted, but, just think, there is an electric 
light in each room. That is far more luxury than 
I ever dreamed of. The furniture is of the simplest, 
but quite sufficient. I think the things that are 
in here now are to be taken away when the Eng- 



30 FINDING THEMSELVES 

lish sisters go, and our own equipment is to re- 
place it. There are two casement windows in the 
sitting-room, and one in the bedroom. There are 
plain white curtains at them all, and there are 
small matting rugs on the floor. So you can see 
I am going to be most comfortable. There is a 
mess "hut," where all the nurses eat, and eat 
very comfortably and well, we have already dis- 
covered. All we want now is work to do, and we 
can see that coming, enough to satisfy the most 
energetic and ambitious of our number. The 
nurses are all off wandering around this morning. 
Some have gone to the city and some are taking 
walks along the country roads. The roads are so 
full of soldiers, some of whom wear turbans 
and carry scimitars, that they feel a little strange 
and out of place, but that feeling is likely to wear 
off soon. We hope that our things and our officers 
will arrive soon, but there is no telling. 

Now I must go back and tell you what I can 
of our crossing. Our last few days in London were 
like the first, chock full. I was particularly busy 
in helping make arrangements for sending one 
of our nurses home. It was a very sad and hard 
thing to have happened to the poor thing, and it 
was absolutely not her fault in any way but 
merely a technicality. When we were getting our 
passports at the American Embassy in London, 
those born in England had to go to the British Em- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 31 

bassy. Mrs. S. went with the others, and in an- 
swer to their question explained that many years 
ago she had married a German, but that ten years 
ago she divorced him. He married again and 
later died. But according to British law she is a 
German subject, because she married a German. 
So they refused to let her go to France and she 
had to be sent back to the States. Rather hard 
on her? She took it splendidly and waved us off 
from the Waterloo Station on Saturday in the 
bravest way. 

Both the Philadelphia Unit and ours left to- 
gether on a special train for Southampton. It 
is something of a trick to get 120 women into 
busses and on trains, and all their baggage too. 
But we have got it down to a pretty good system. 
Our eight squad leaders each pass on orders to 
their subleaders, then they each find the three 
people that belong to them and they are entirely 
responsible for them, and all I have to do is to 
ask the eight squad leaders if all of their groups 
are ready. The scheme has worked beautifully. 
Yesterday at noon on the boat we had an unex- 
pected order to be ready to disembark at once. 
And the whole 64 were lined up in squads inside 
of three minutes. We started out from Southamp- 
ton in a tender, but were transferred to a large 
hospital ship. We were wonderfully taken care 
of on board of her, as we have been on all our 



32 FINDING THEMSELVES 

travels. They gave us an excellent dinner, and 
gave over to our use, large wards. So each nurse 
had a comfortable bed for the night. It was on 
the hospital ship that we got separated from our 
bags. They had been brought in "lorries" from 
the hotel, then put in luggage vans on the train, 
then transferred to the tender and then to the 
hold of the hospital ship. We had not known we 
were going to spend the night on the ship. You 
see we never know anything in advance for more 
than a few minutes. It was one of the most beauti- 
ful e.venings I have ever seen. We got off in the 
big ship about seven, but the sunset wasn't really 
over until nearly ten. We were preceded by a 
destroyer and followed by one, and flying all 
around were aeroplanes. Sometimes we could 
see as many as ten or twelve. We were told that 
during the evening our destroyer in front rammed 
a submarine and stove in her own bow and had 
to be replaced by another, but other than that 
there was no excitement of any sort. About ten 
thirty I had all of my flock tucked in, with their 
dresses and shoes off and life belts handy. There 
wasn't an awful lot of sleeping done because at 
four we entered the harbor of Havre with much 
blowing of whistles, as it was raining and misty 
by that time. After breakfast we hung around 
on the boat, watching the unloading of the luggage 
and the separation of the belongings of the two 



FINDING THEMSELVES 33 

Units. We also watched the taking on board 
of some trainloads of wounded soldiers who were 
being taken back to "Blighty." That is what 
they call England. The Sisters here say that what 
they want most of all is their "Blighty tickets." 
Just at 12, when we were about to go to lunch, 
we received word to get off the boat at once 
and get into motor ambulances which would take 
us to a station, where we were to take a train for 
about a three hours' ride. So with a hasty farewell 
to our friends of No. 10 we went off in the rain. 
We were pretty hungry and tired when we arrived 
at our city, but before the big motor ambulances 
came for us we had time to go to a pleasant little 
cafe garden and have high tea. Bread and butter, 
cold meat, and tea set us up immediately and we 
all felt like new women when we set off on our 
four-mile drive. Captain Allison and Chaplain 
Davis had been ordered to accompany us in our 
hasty departure, so they are the only officers of 
our Unit who are here with us. We have just 
heard that our things are to arrive this afternoon. 
We are all just hanging around, that is why I 
have so much time to write. "Matron" said 
she would just carry on in the usual way and 
later she would show me what I am to do. The 
first thing we have to do is to find out how to do 
things in the English way, particularly the records. 
Then later the English sisters are to be with- 



34 FINDING THEMSELVES 

drawn, we understand. We have not nearly enough 
nurses for this hospital, so some of the "V. A. D.'s" 
are to be left until we receive reinforcements 
from America. The "V. A. D.'s" are like our 
Nurse's Aids, Voluntary Aid Detachments. They 
have apparently done wonderful things during 
this war. They have no regular training, but 
after one or two years of active service they have 
many of them become very proficient. Here 
we find them doing all sorts of things. Some are 
in the tent wards, and some are detailed for mess 
duty and take entire care of the mess hut and 
the meals. In a New Zealand hospital that we 
visited there were five of the nicest "V. A. D.'s" 
doing all the cooking for 400 patients. They were 
women of maturity and position at home, who had 
come on from New Zealand at the request of the 
Matron in Chief and were serving entirely with- 
out pay and doing wonderful work. Their hut 
kitchen was the best -looking kitchen we had seen 
anywhere. We are told here that word has been 
sent back to the States that we need more help. 
I should like 65 more Red Cross nurses from St. 
Louis, or if I can't have them, 65 of the Nurse's 
Aids that we trained. They would certainly find 
here a sufficient outlet for their energies. They 
could be of the greatest help, and on the whole 
I do not know but that I should rather have the 
Aids that I know than a lot of trained nurses 



FINDING THEMSELVES 35 

that I do not know. If Miss Bridge can get this 
word on to Miss Noyes, I hope she will. Our 
nurses' aids' blue uniforms and aprons would be 
excellent, but they would need some kind of a 
cap, I think, and certainly a traveling or outdoor 
uniform. 

I think our equipment is going to be fine. 
Rubber hats and rubber boots may be needed 
later, but we can get them very easily, I think, by 
sending to London, or possibly in the city here. 
I got a dandy rubber hat, in London. I am not 
to wear my white uniforms yet a while, at the 
Matron's suggestion, so that the people here can 
tell me from the rest of my group. There is now 
no way of distinguishing me from the rest except 
my height. My assistant matron, Miss Taylor, is 
the smallest in the Unit. The nurses have a good 
deal of fun about our appearance together. 

It has been fine to have so much time to write 
to-day, for when we get started I do not think we 
shall have much free time. And at night I do 
not know whether I can use this precious type- 
writer without disturbing all the other nurses 
on the other side of my room wall. I think I shall 
have to train them to get used to it. More march- 
ing feet tramping along, and helmeted heads 
appearing over the hedge ! 

You all seem so far away. Not a scrap of mail 
since we left and no immediate prospect of any. 



36 FINDING THEMSELVES 

I am now due to go and have tea (the third 
time to-day) with "Matron" and the Senior 
Chaplain. So good-by for now. 

P. S. I decided not to draw a picture this 
time. Our baggage came and we are quite happy. 
So to-morrow we begin work. I hope you are all 
well and having a good time. Good night and loads 
of love to you all. 

J. 

Rouen, France. 
Sunday, June 17, 1917. 

We have been told in our instructions about 
letter-writing that we may now state where we 
are. So now you can all know definitely just 
where we are. We got our first mail from home 
day before yesterday, and I can tell you there was 
great excitement. It is just a month to-day since 
we left St. Louis and it seems like a year. The 
latest date of any of my letters was May 27th. 
But now that the letters have actually begun to 
come we feel more hopeful that we are not entirely 
cut off from our friends. It has been a rather 
dreary feeling to know that up to now, none of 
you knew where we were or where we were going, 
but soon we ought to be in regular communica- 
tion. 

We have been here just a week to-night and 



FINDING THEMSELVES 37 

are beginning to get over our strangeness. We 
have learned much of our duties and do not now 
feel that we can never learn them all. All the 
nurses have their regular places of duty and are 
getting to know their patients, and what to do 
for them. Fortunately for them we have not 
received any new convoys of men during the week, 
but we have been sending some out every day or 
night ; but in a few days, after we are a little more 
accustomed to our duties, we shall begin to get 
in more wounded by the hundred. There are 
only five or six of the English nurses left here 
with us, and they are to go this week, we under- 
stand. The Matron, who is a most pleasant and 
helpful person, is to stay here another week, 
which gives me the shivers, for two weeks is an 
awfully short time in which to learn the ropes, 
and all this first week I have not been doing much 
more than attend to my nurses' work and their 
quarters, equipment, etc. But to-morrow I am 
going to retire to the Matron's office and stay 
there. One of my little jobs is to hire cooks and 
maids for the nurses' mess and quarters, and I 
am also hunting a stenographer. Between 40 
and 50 V. A. D.'s are to stay on with us here, and 
we are mighty glad to have them, for they are 
splendid. I understand that our C. O. (Command- 
ing Officer) has cabled home, or is going to cable 
home as soon as he has proper British authority 



38 FINDING THEMSELVES 

to do so, for more help for this hospital. I have 
said that I want 40 more nurses and 25 carefully 
picked nurses' aids. I think Miss Bridge could 
pick out the ones that are the most capable and 
the most adaptable and the most willing to endure 
difficulties and do without luxuries and even some 
comforts. I feel quite sure that there are 25 of that 
kind among the large number that we trained 
these past months. I do hope that the Red Cross 
will give the authority for them to come out with 
the regular nurses. 

If this were a summer resort, people would 
say the weather could not be more delightful. I 
have my little table and typewriter and my camp 
chair out on the grass under the trees in the little 
grove where the nurses' quarters are. There is a 
delightful breeze, and the blue sky is full of fluffy 
white clouds. The sun is very warm, and down 
in the tents where the patients are it is not so 
ideally summer-resorty. But with the side awn- 
ings up, a nice breeze blows through and the men 
said they were very comfortable. The sun was 
so hard on some of the nurses who had to go in 
and out of the tents a great deal to do the dress- 
ings of the patients who are kept out of doors 
under big parasols or temporary awnings of some 
sort, that at Major Murphy's suggestion I got 
large, broad-brimmed hats for the whole lot. 
To-day they have found them a great comfort. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 39 

They certainly look a bit informal with their 
large farmer hats on and their white dresses, 
but they look sensible and comfortable. We are 
likely to have trouble with the laundry question 
as water is scarce, also starch, and there are labor 
problems to be reckoned with. We all have white 
aprons that Mrs. R. insisted on our bringing from 
London. We are glad she did, as we already find 
we need them badly, not because of the laundry 
question but because of the nature of the cases. 
We have very badly wounded men and their 
dressings are terrible. 

Amputations are being done almost every day. 
Yesterday I went down to the "Theater Hut" 
to see how our nurses were going to handle a very 
bad case, for the "Theater Sister" is to be taken 
away soon. Our people at home would marvel 
to see what fine work can be done when all the 
water used has to be heated on top of a small 
oil stove and all the instruments boiled the same 
way. The poor boy whose leg had to be ampu- 
tated was in such bad shape, he could have only 
the minimum of a general anaesthetic, but local 
anaesthesia was given. Besides having both legs 
badly hurt, his lower back is in terrible shape 
from injury ; after the operation he was put on 
his face on his bed. Before eight o'clock one of 
the nurses held his head up so he could have a 
smoke! And this morning he says he is "in the 



40 FINDING THEMSELVES 

pink," which means feeling fine. It is perfectly 
wonderful, their fortitude, and it is making us all 
so ashamed for all the complaining we have done. 
Their bravery is harder to bear than anything 
else. The other day I nearly disgraced myself 
when the Matron took me with her to the large 
tent from which all outgoing patients are sent 
off in ambulances to the trains or boats. It is a 
large empty tent with benches around it where 
the "sitters" wait to have their papers and tickets 
looked over, and a dirt floor where the stretchers 
are put. Most of the men are smoking cigarettes 
as they wait. One man was pointed out to me as 
having both legs off and one arm and part of the 
remaining hand also, but he was smiling cheerfully 
and chaffing with the sisters, and although over- 
whelmed by the awfulness of his condition I did 
not grasp the full meaning of it until as I passed 
him he said, "Sister, will you put out my cigarette 
for me." Stooping over him, I took it out of his 
mouth and asked him if he didn't want any more 
of it as it wasn't half burned away. And he said, 
pulling out his huge bandaged hand from under 
the blanket, "No, sister, thank you, I only want 
a little of it since I can't take it out of my mouth 
after I once get it in." I wonder what any of you 
would do under circumstances like that. It seemed 
as though my throat would burst, and I had to 
think very quickly how absurd it would be for 



FINDING THEMSELVES 41 

the new Matron to weep before all those heroic, 
stoical men and the matter-of-fact, externally 
brusque but inwardly most kind, English officer, 
and orderlies, so I got myself together speedily 
while I was putting out the cigarette in the sand 
with my boot toe. And he was only one, and there 
are thousands like him. 

Two of our men were buried by the explosion of 
a mine. The one who had his head out in the 
air put his hand over the face of the other so that 
the latter could breathe and did not suffocate, 
but the first was badly hurt in the chest. There 
are hundreds of stories like these. The nurses 
are always telling something new about their 
men. Little things that come out in the course of 
conversation, enough to fill a book. One of the 
most pitiful groups are the "shell shocks." The 
other night the explosion of shells could be dis- 
tinctly heard, and almost all these cases shook as 
though they were having convulsions all night. 
As one of them said, "Some poor devils are getting 
theirs now." One interesting case was brought 
in unable to speak several days ago. The other 
night he fell out of bed, and sat up and said "Sis- 
ter, I can talk now." These shell-shock cases are 
always falling out of bed, it seems. 

Yesterday I went to town for the first time since 
I have been here. I went for the straw hats. 
I went into the Cathedral, which is by far the most 



42 FINDING THEMSELVES 

beautiful I have ever seen, I think, with the 
exception of that at Milan. It is going to be a 
constant joy to have that place to visit. Rouen 
is an interesting city and has good shops. It 
swarms with uniforms of all hues. 

I was glad to get all your letters yesterday and 
day before yesterday. According to the accounts 
of the very cold weather they had here last year 
our patients and any patients in the neighbor- 
hood are going to need all the warm knitted things 
they can get. Nurses say that the solutions in 
their bottles froze in the tents and their first 
early morning duties were to thaw out the bottles. 
We hear that this hospital is to be hutted before 
the Autumn, which will be much better for the 
winter, but even then there will not be any steam 
heat. When I have the Matron's office, which is 
the jockey-room of the grandstand of this old 
race course, I shall have a large table and some 
shelves, also a little stove for cold days. We are 
all so delighted and interested to hear from Elsie's 
letter that more Units are being ordered out. 
And we are all so glad we were in the first lot. 

A Colonel commanding a neighboring base has 
just been to call. He rode down, he said, to pay 
his respects to the "American Matron." He was 
very charming and we had a nice talk. He says 
he is going to ask us up to tea. He "goes in for 
a garden and all that, you know." I am meet- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 43 

ing so very many delightful people. All the 
Matrons from the various hospital camps near 
have either been to call or invited us to concerts 
at their grounds. Last night there was such a 
pretty affair at the Australian camp, 1 a concert, 
a kind of variety show given by members of 
the camp, orderlies, cooks, and other regular army 
people, but really very clever. It was out of doors, 
of course, under some lovely trees, and there must 
have been 400 to 500 people there as audience, 
all in uniform of some sort : mostly officers and 
nurses and Y. M. C. A. workers, etc. It began at 
8 and lasted until about 10.30. Refreshments 
were served from a large tent, and it was all very 
pretty and very English. 

Ruth C — has just been in to see me a moment. 
She is on night duty and is working very hard. 
She says there never in the world were such won- 
derful patients, that no matter how much they 
are suffering they are "quite all right, thank 
you, Sister," and they won't ask for things, and 
when she asks them if they are in pain, they say, 
"Not too much, Sister." The first night she says 
she went all to pieces, but nobody saw her ; now 
she too is getting steadier. That first night she 
was responsible for 90 men, many of whom were 
in the most awful condition. It was no wonder 

1 Hospital down on the opposite side of the race course. It was 
a promenade. 



44 FINDING THEMSELVES 

that it got on her nerves a bit. She was so much 
interested in my letters from you, as she has had 
no word from St. Louis, in fact no letter at all as 
yet. I can really see very little of her since I am 
in charge and so much in the midst of the group 
all the time. In London, Miss Dunlop and I went 
to everything together, and here the Matron and 
I go in pairs, or my own assistant, Miss Taylor, and 
I. From a personal point of view there are lots of 
disadvantages in being the head. I have to be on 
show all the time and always have to meet people 
and be sociable and go to all the functions, and 
I hate having things better than the rest of my 
people. For instance, our table in the mess hall 
has a tablecloth instead of oilcloth, and sometimes 
we have little extra things like strawberries when 
the others don't. By and by things won't have to 
be that way. But the Matrons here are very 
much honored and set apart and kotowed to in 
a way that disturbs our democratic American 
spirit. 

Dad's letter was so wonderfully cheering and 
helpful. It is so pathetic the way one can lose 
sight of one's inspirations if one's feet are tired, 
or the way one can forget one is on a crusade if 
there is no drinking water to be had for half a 
day, and can be just an ordinary uninspired human 
female and be fretful and discouraged because 
you don't like the tone of voice of a supervisor. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 45 

It is my job of course to keep before my people 
the why of our coming and to keep their spirits 
up. As the director said this morning, we must 
never be discouraged or depressed, that our 
biggest job is to keep our people full of enthusiasm. 
Sometimes it is hard if one's own head aches, 
but it really is not hard for those of us who under- 
stand the meaning of our being here. No coffee 
for breakfast can actually blind some people to 
visions, and tea offered them five times a day can 
make them speak in a way that will really antag- 
onize the people we have come to help. Our 
minds and bodies are funny things. There is not 
much thrill in putting your tired, luxury-loving 
body to bed on a hard camp cot after washing 
it as well as you can in a cup of warm water. 
We shall probably have mattresses issued to us 
when we can get them, but in the meantime the 
canvas cot is not so bad when it has a folded 
blanket in it. We have no business to bring 
ourselves up to be so finicky. Nobody should 
ever always "have to have two pillows or she 
can't sleep a wink" or be "terribly dependent 
on sugar" or "just has to have so much sleep" 
or "just can't touch a thing with cheese in it." 
Those of you who have kids to bring up, if you 
want to make them adaptable to every possible 
circumstance, do make them eat everything at 
any time, or be able to get along without any- 



46 FINDING THEMSELVES 

thing. Make them sleep any way on anything at 
any time, and you are giving them something 
worth more than rubies. My nurses are not bad 
about these things. On the whole they are bricks, 
and I have had and am having the very minimum 
of trouble. I really have been proud of them, the 
fine way they traveled. There wasn't a murmur, 
only jokes, the day they had nothing to eat from 
8 A.M. to 5 p.m., standing about all morning on 
the boat — there weren't seats enough to go 
around — and in the train all afternoon. 

Saturday, June 30, 1917. 
Dearest Dad and Mother 
and all the rest : — 
It is a cold, rainy day and you'd be surprised to 
know how really cold it is. At night the night 
nurses are already wearing all their heavy under- 
wear and their sweaters and their capes. I don't 
quite see how they are going to manage when 
real winter comes. It is hard to realize that it is 
only the end of June. We had just two warm days, 
but when the sun is out it gets warmed up around 
the middle of the day, but most days coats are 
very comfortable. I am having a new blue serge 
uniform made here in town, for I can foresee that, 
with my office work, I shall be wearing the "stuff 9 ' 
uniform much more than the white ones. My office 
which was the jockey-room of the grandstand, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 47 

in one corner of the back, is a very pleasant room. 
It is about as large as the central one of our 
Training School offices at home. The furniture 
is a large plain table covered with a dark blanket, 
shelves and cupboards made of boxes, a small 
folding table, some camp stools, a couple of 
straight chairs, and some matting. But the effect 
is quite cozy, and some reddish art squares on 
the stained boxes make the room quite cheerful. 

I have not written for about two weeks, for there 
has been very little to write and I have not felt 
much like writing, since we have had no mail at 
all since those first few letters that reached us 
here just after we got here. I have kept think- 
ing that I would put off writing until I had some 
letters to answer. But none have come. To-day 
the doctors got a whole batch, but there were 
only two letters for the nurses. That is the way 
our mail has been coming through, one or two 
letters at a time. It seems very probable that 
some of our mail has been lost or missent, for the 
few of us who have received letters say that 
reference is made in them to previous letters 
which have never arrived. 

For a whole week now I have been entirely 
"on my own" here with the nursing, and the 
hospital has not stopped ! We have been contin- 
uing to get in convoys and to send them out, not 
big ones but varying from 30 to 100 patients. 



48 FINDING THEMSELVES 

The other night at midnight I went down to the 
receiving tent to see how a convoy coming in 
was managed, and it was one of the most interest- 
ing hours I ever spent. The big marquee has 
about two feeble electric lights in it; some of 
the doctors had electric torches, but it was all 
very dim and spooky. The ambulances backed 
up near to the door, and our stretcher bearers 
were all there ready to receive their patients by 
the time they had stopped. We get telephone 
messages when to expect a convoy. The stretchers 
are brought in and laid on the dirt floor as close 
together as possible. Then another group of men 
begin at once to examine the tickets that are 
fastened to the coat of each man, and assign them 
to particular tents where men with similar injuries 
or in similar condition are taken care of. Another 
couple of men hand out steaming hot soup, and 
the doctors talk to the men a little, but do not 
examine them there at all. Then very quickly the 
stretcher bearers come and carry out the men 
that have been assigned, out through the opposite 
end of the tent out into the darkness off to a bed 
in some comfortable tent where a nurse and an 
orderly are waiting to get the poor tired creature 
into bed. They give baths if they can; and get 
the infected and dirty clothes listed and off to 
the fumigator, and unless the patient is in very 
bad condition let him go right off to sleep. The 



FINDING THEMSELVES 49 

doctors have found that the men are much more 
in need of a good sleep than of a doctor's care 
right off, and, unless absolutely necessary, dress- 
ings are not changed until the morning. That 
night 64 men, most of them stretcher cases, were 
brought in, assigned, given soup, and taken off 
to their wards (tents) in 25 minutes, which you 
see is pretty speedy work. 

The men have very little to say when they first 
come in. They are tired out and forlorn and often 
in pain and dazed. They some of them seem 
surprised to see Americans taking care of them, 
but they don't say much. They answer wearily, 
"Not so bad, Sister" or "A bit rocky, sir," but 
later some of them tell most awful stories. One 
of them told the other day of getting caught on 
a barbed wire entanglement on which he was 
thrown by the explosion of a shell and of hang- 
ing there all day before he was rescued. It had 
happened early in the morning, and the rescuing 
party could not get to him until after dark. 
Another told of lying out between two lines of 
trenches three days. He was hurt in the hip and 
could drag himself only a few inches at a time. 
He got water from the bottles of the dead soldiers. 
We get not only surgical cases but a good many 
medical ones, pleurisy, nephritis, trench fever, 
lots of them, and all sorts of heart conditions. 
We also get a good many not due to military 



50 FINDING THEMSELVES 

life, appendicitis, injuries from kicks from horses, 
infections, etc., but most are"G. S. W" (gunshot 
wound). Some are unbelievably awful, whole parts 
blown away, as for instance all the flesh across 
the shoulders or between the thighs, where a shell 
tore right through from behind. I cannot see how 
some of them live, and live so bravely and cheer- 
fully. 

And it is not only the men that are brave but 
the women too. This afternoon I have been try- 
ing to arrange for one of our "B. V. D.'s," as the 
doctors call them, meaning the "V. A. D.V to 
get a permit to go to a hospital in E., where her 
brother is. He has been wounded but not seri- 
ously enough to be sent back to England. She 
has had one brother killed, another is a prisoner, 
and now this youngest brother is wounded, 
and she is the cheeriest, bravest little thing you 
ever saw. Another has had three brothers killed, 
and you would never dream it to see her. A third, 
whose fiance was killed about a month ago, I am 
a little worried about ; she is driving herself into 
the work so hard. Oh, there are so many pitiful 
people over here it keeps one's heart torn up the 
whole livelong time. You can't get away from 
the sorrows of people ever. Not that one wants 
to, if there is anything that can be done, but at 
home there are times, thank God, when one can 
forget all the woe of the world, and pain and sor- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 51 

row, but not here. It is before your eyes every 
waking minute and in your ears even in your 
sleep when the feet go marching, marching by. 

Last evening I had a beautiful walk with doctor 
Veeder. The sunset was glorious, and we walked 
along roads that looked like Corot pictures. 
After quite a long time we came out from our 
woodsy road to an open space which seemed to 
extend away for a mile or so without any grass 
or any trees on it. It was getting dark and we 
could not distinguish things clearly, but Dr. 
Veeder said he thought this was the place where 
the daily practice in trench warfare went on. We 
walked a bit over the very rough field and heard 
voices, though we could not see any one. Pretty 
soon an officer appeared from nowhere, and when 
we asked him if we could look around, he said 
" Certainly," and he himself conducted us. The 
field had been made into a regular practice battle 
field. It was criss-crossed with trenches and 
craters. But the worst was the dummy men 
placed all over everywhere. These dummy men the 
men have to learn to bayonet as they rush by, so 
as to learn how to use their bayonets even in the 
narrow trenches. Our officer and another who 
joined us explained things to us and told us it 
was a relief to have some one new, to talk to, as 
they have to stay out there in the trenches with 
their men from 10 p.m. to 9 a.m. when they are re- 



52 FINDING THEMSELVES 

lieved by another batch. It was most wonderfully 
interesting; but impresses the horror of warfare 
on me even more than it has been impressed be- 
fore. The trenches were most wonderfully and 
elaborately made and have dugouts and lines of 
communication and bayous and many other tech- 
nical things which I could not grasp fully at the 
first hearing. 

Another incident that happened to one of my 
nurses this past week made more very vivid 
impressions. I say "incident" because that is 
all it was in the life of the camp, but the young 
woman said it was the most interesting day she 
ever spent. She, Miss Cuppaidge, had been de- 
tailed to go with a doctor, an anaesthetist, and an 
orderly to a "Casualty Clearing Station." When 
called for, small groups like this are sent up from 
the base hospital whenever there is a big drive. 
I received an order that Miss Cuppaidge was to 
go for her "gas training" at a certain time. The 
group is just got ready and kept at their regular 
jobs until an order comes for them to proceed to 
the "CCS." At the appointed time for the 
training Miss Cuppaidge went to the "gas school" 
in the neighboring training camp. There she and 
four others, nurses from other hospitals, were 
taken in charge by an officer. They first had 
minute instructions about properly adjusting 
their gas masks. These are rather complicated, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 53 

as they are regular respirators. A piece through 
which they breathe has to be held in the mouth, 
and a pair of padded clamps shut off the nose. 
This is inside the mask which fits around the 
face and is held on by straps around the head. 
They must learn to put on the things and fix 
the clamps and mouth pieces in six seconds. 
They then have to learn how to breathe just 
through the mouth without choking or what is 
worse, Miss Cuppaidge said, without dribbling. 
They also have to get used to the queer sensa- 
tion in the ears when they swallow. When the 
masks are all right and everybody is breathing 
all right, they are put into a gas-filled room. 
This gas is just a tear gas. They are left there 
five minutes, then taken out and they are asked 
about irritated eyes. If there is irritation the 
masks are leaking or improperly adjusted. They 
are then taken into trenches where other gases 
are liberated to get them used to the odors, so 
that they can detect the presence of gas quickly. 
Some gases are so deadly three breaths of it will 
cause death, hence the hurry in quick detection 
and quick adjustment of masks. Some of these 
gases travel six and seven miles. As near as I 
could make out the gases are mainly of two sorts, 
a chlorine gas and a " phosgene " one. The officer 
lectured to the nurses upon the effects of these 
gases and about the treatment of them and in 



54 FINDING THEMSELVES 

the middle of the afternoon sent them home smell- 
ing like the dickens, but, as Miss C. said, entirely 
unafraid of gas and quite prepared to guard 
against it if they meet it. Their gas outfits they 
have hitched to them all the time when near the 
place they are likely to meet it. We shall have 
other small groups go up to the C. C. S. after 
this one is called out and I mean to be detailed 
to go with one. These parties stay sometimes 
only a few days and sometimes a few weeks, 
but I certainly mean to go if I can persuade the 
authorities to let me leave Miss Taylor in charge. 
I have so little contact with the patients and so 
little of anything but office work and receiving 
officials and company of all sorts I believe that 
they would think I ought to have a little of the 
real war work. 

The hospital end of my work is going very 
smoothly, because I have excellent supervisors, 
and the head nurses are all doing very well. For 
those who are interested I will mention that Miss 
Stebbins is the Day Surgical Supervisor, Mrs. 
Hausmann the Night Med. Sup., Miss Habenicht 
is the Day Med. Sup., and Miss Claiborne the 
Night Surg. Sup. The place is so big and there 
are so many lines of tents to be covered we have 
a supervisor for the medical side and a separate 
one for the surgical side both night and day. 
Some of you people at home would be amused 



FINDING THEMSELVES 55 

to see our night supervisors on a rainy night. 
In rubber hats, coats, and rubber boots and carry- 
ing a lantern they go ducking about in and out 
of tents, having a beautiful time, they say, splash- 
ing about and tripping over tent ropes. Any way 
we all seem to be thriving under these new condi- 
tions. We all are getting very brown. All have 
enormous appetites and can eat with relish the 
tinned bully beef that we get four or five times 
a week and the hard dark war bread. Never 
again will I talk about wrapped bread. Here, as 
somebody said the other day, loaves of bread 
are used to spike the cart wheels. But we eat it 
just the same in huge slices. 

Our food question is a problem. It does not 
need to be as poor as it is, and I mean to see pretty 
soon that it is improved. The trouble really 
is with the help. My domestic problems are driv- 
ing me crazy, but this last week I appealed for 
help and Captain Veeder has been asked to assist 
me to clean our places and work out some kind of 
scheme. Our kitchen is one of the old stalls, quite 
open at the end as stalls are. Other stalls are 
used for storage, and oh the dirt. I had not been 
assigned enough help at first and anyway there 
had been such a muddle of V. A. D.'s working 
in the Mess, some old good-for-nothing soldiers, 
hangers-on, and a few Belgian girls who help 
take care of the nurses' room and do odd jobs, 



56 FINDING THEMSELVES 

I could not possibly see what I was going to do 
with the place for some time. To add to my diffi- 
culties the V. A. D.'s draw a certain ration from 
the British quartermaster and pay into the Mess 
a certain amount of money, and the American 
nurses' ration was to be quite different, and the 
whole arrangement quite different. There are 40 
V. A. D.'s and 64 nurses. Consider the problem. 
I got some fairly decent French women to come 
and clean and help cook. The American man cook 
could not talk to them and had a fit, for whenever 
his back was turned, they did things he did not 
mean to have done. I got the place cleaned only 
by getting extra fatigue men up with shovels and 
brooms. We are to be whitewashed to-morrow. 
An extra American has been put on to keep the 
other man company and give him somebody to 
talk to ! The French women are to keep on clean- 
ing and are to do the dishes that the British 
soldiers have been swishing around in tubs of 
cold water. The V. A. D.'s are gradually being 
put in the wards, where they won't have a chance 
to have tea so many times a day. Everybody 
can have it five times a day if desired ! 

While waiting to hear from Washington about 
increased rations on account of the greatly in- 
creased cost of food over here we are taxing every- 
body a franc a day for extra green things for the 
Mess. The U. S. A. allows 40 cents a day per 



FINDING THEMSELVES 57 

nurse for messing. The usual custom is to draw 
not as many rations as there are persons to pro- 
vide for, then to draw the difference in money and 
buy extra things with the money. But over here 
that scheme at 40 cents a day cannot work, food 
is too high. So a cable has been sent to Wash- 
ington. The doctors are not having this trouble 
because they always expect to buy most of their 
food out of their salaries. They draw their regular 
rations and buy lots of stuff, then divide the 
cost among the whole group. They have a much 
smaller group to take care of and are not compli- 
cated as I am by the servant or V. A. D. problem. 
They have American men looking after them. 
Oh well, I can begin to see light ahead now, and 
although no one likes the food, as it is they are 
not starving. A slice of ham all dried up to noth- 
ing and dark army bread and tea and possibly 
a little marmalade does not make a very good 
breakfast for Americans, but it will keep one 
going if enough bread and butter is eaten. We 
are now getting coffee, such as it is, and I mean to 
see about cereal very soon. Eggs have been seven 
cents apiece, not centimes but cents. I am not 
letting my perfectly good dietitian put her ener- 
gies on this domestic problem of ours, for I am 
keeping her for the poor sick soldiers, and in a 
few days or weeks I mean to have a regular diet 
kitchen started for her. My "Home Sister" is 



58 FINDING THEMSELVES 

finding the complication of four kinds of help 
and several languages almost too much for her, 
but between us all we shall plow through this 
mire, and now that Dr. Veeder has turned his 
attention upon our difficulties I am sure we shall 
get through them all right. You ought to hear 
me engage servants in French. They understand 
and come. When they see some of the difficulties 
of lack of hot water, etc., they go, and I have to 
begin all over again. It is a great life. 

One of the greatest things about it is meeting 
so many different kinds of people. Two such 
nice Australian Sisters were here to call upon me 
this afternoon. And the New Zealanders are so 
very polite and nice, and these little V. A. D.'s are 
charming. Anyway I am glad I am here, only 
I wish you were all here too. Then things would 
be ideal. You'd all love this beautiful country, 
and this quaint old city that is nearly swamped 
under this enormous influx of strange foreign 
people. The paper to-day says (we get a little 
single-leaf edition of the London Daily Mail) 
that our troops have landed in France. I hope 
thousands more come along soon, so that all this 
beastly business can be stopped soon. People 
are [ counting on the coming of our troops so 
much. Everybody says France needs help badly. 
Surely our forces can bring an end to all this 
f rightfulness. No mail yet. None at all except 



FINDING THEMSELVES 59 

those written for my birthday. Oh well, that is 
war. Loads and loads of love to you all. 

Sunday, July 8, 1917. 

Rouen, France. 

Such a nice lot of letters as we got to-day. There 
is very little difference between Sundays and 
other days here, except perhaps a little more 
business than usual is done on Sundays, but mail 
comes and goes these days just like other days. 
Ever since we came only one or two letters for 
nurses have been dribbling along through until 
to-day when some people got as many as 12 or 
14 letters, and great was the rejoicing thereat. 

Dr. Veeder can do no medical work at all just 
now, Phil will be interested to know, or in fact 
doctoring of any kind. At the present time he is 
spending his entire time quarter mastering. He 
is entirely responsible for the officers' mess and 
does all the buying and planning, arranging about 
cooks, cleaning up, etc., and he is doing it well 
too, and with a mighty good grace. He has been 
helping us up at the "Sisters' Mess" with our 
problems and has been pursuing coal to its lair, 
and getting whitewash from nowhere, and doing 
all sorts of miracles that only a very persistent 
and determined man can do. The result is that 
all the doctors and nurses are able to do their 
work in a much better way than if a less efficient 



60 FINDING THEMSELVES 

person were back of their food and comfort. 
But Dr. Veeder's spirit in doing his particular 
job and doing it well, even though it is so abso- 
lutely different from what he was trained for, 
and what he would prefer, is the spirit which is 
found throughout the whole organization. It 
does one's heart good to see the way men who 
are Ph.D.'s can do regular orderly work, and put 
a lot into it, and get a lot out of it, and the way 
accountants can be stretcher bearers, and other 
highly trained men do the rough work in laboratory 
and mess hall. 

There is a remarkable spirit of service and 
glad service everywhere. Of course there have 
been a few grumblers who have complained 
that they did not come 'way out here to do this 
or that, but most of the men have been converted 
by coming into contact with the attitude of 
men like Dr. Murphy. All that has been neces- 
sary is a few words from him to make them pretty 
much ashamed. And words haven't been neces- 
sary often. For when they realize that Dr. Murphy 
has not performed a single operation since he has 
been here, but has been putting all his ability in 
organizing and administering, and being up 
nights and days, seeing convoys out and convoys 
in, seeing that they are all properly ticketed and 
all their forms are properly made out, finding 
out why sufficient oil has not been left for the 



FINDING THEMSELVES 61 

lanterns of the night orderlies, why only 6 eggs 
were delivered to one of the tents when 12 were 
ordered, letting the nurses know who the right 
person is to give the up-patients permission who 
wish to leave the compound to attend the Catholic 
Church across the road, going personally to buy 
a better oil stove for the night-nurses' supper hut, 
finding out why the ward-master did not notify 
a particular nurse long enough before a convoy 
was to go out so that her patient could be ready, 
etc. etc. — when they realize all these things 
and a thousand more that he is doing all the time 
that he did not come out to do, they pretty gen- 
erally shut up and put all their energies on the 
job that has been given them. 

Last night the Director saw a convoy come in 
just about midnight. It was a pretty big bunch 
of men and it took some time. One was in such 
a condition that he had to go to the operating 
room about 3. Dr. Clopton operated. At 4.45 
a convoy was sent out to catch a particular ambu- 
lance train, and Dr. M. was down at The Point, 
as our receiving tent is called, to see them off. 
At 7.30 he was at the service in our little chapel, 
all the morning he was down in the tents conferring 
with the other doctors and making plans to get the 
things they needed in their work. At 2 he brought 
a Red Cross official to talk over some things 
in their work with me, and I know that at 4.30 



62 FINDING THEMSELVES 

he had an appointment with a neighboring Colonel. 
When he sleeps I know not. In the intervals of 
doings like these he comes to ask me if I will 
make out a list of magazines I would like for the 
nurses, or he sends roses and vases to put them 
in ! We are lucky to have such a man at the head 
of an expedition like this. His kindness and gen- 
uine goodness reach down to the most ordinary 
private. Late yesterday afternoon he was batting 
ball with a bunch of enlisted men. They of course 
are crazy about him, as are all the people who 
work with him. There is never a matter too trivial 
for his attention or too vital and too important 
for discussion with him. 

This letter was not meant for a eulogy, though 
it seems to have turned into one. But my atten- 
tion has turned to our unusual good fortune in 
having such a leader, by the fact that other Chief 
Nurses do not always get the kind of help and 
cooperation that I am getting. What would I 
do if I had forbidden my nurses to do something 
which I felt was wrong or inadvisable and then 
the director of the Unit reversed the action? 
It is an unbearable situation to conceive, but I 
am afraid some Chief Nurses may have to face 
just such difficulties. But here such a situation 
could not possibly exist. Other Units have sneered 
a little at what they call our religious attitude, 
having nightly services on the boat, regular 



FINDING THEMSELVES 63 

attendance at services here, and making the whole 
thing a prolonged act of service. But as Dr. 
Murphy said when he talked to our nurses that 
last night in London, there is only one way of 
bearing the close contact with such pain and sor- 
row, of bearing whatever discomforts we may 
ourselves have to bear, of working out our own 
internal problems of antipathies or antagonisms, 
of keeping our souls serene, and that is by doing 
it all with the deepest religious motive and in 
utter devotion to service. I have heard him say 
many times, "We have come to serve in what- 
ever way we can and as long as we are needed." 
And so I look ahead to the future with the great- 
est peace of mind. I am not afraid of any diffi- 
culties with my women or with the men. 

My women are splendid. A few, of course, have 
periods of rearing, but they all have steadied down 
most beautifully. And I think now that it was 
emotions strained almost beyond endurance at 
first that caused the rearing. We are all happy, 
contented, and well, and I am so proud of the 
spirit of cooperation I find among them I can 
hardly express it. I certainly have some wonder- 
fully splendid women with me. Some of them 
have queer exteriors and some queer ways, but 
they are fine within. Every now and then I put 
on the bulletin board some little poem about the 
meaning of the war and the ideals we are fighting 



64 FINDING THEMSELVES 

for, or a paragraph from some newspaper about 
America's quick response to the call for help to 
defend these ideals, and you ought to see their 
heads go up and their eyes brighten. They don't 
care that they have had bully beef twice in one 
day or that the knives and forks are sticky, and 
they have no tablecloths or butter dishes. It 
would be so hopeless if one did not get a response. 
My bulletin board is the side of a packing box 
put on a standard just outside the mess door. 

I seem to write such queer things. I was going 
to tell you about our Fourth of July party. We 
invited the other American Unit (from Cleve- 
land) down to a baseball game and tea. It was a 
great success, as the day was fine and we could 
have our refreshments on the grass under some 
trees. Miss Watkins, our dear dietitian, and some 
of the others worked all the afternoon getting 
sandwiches, and strawberries, and tea, and little 
cakes, and lemonade ready, which the doctors 
paid for. It was a great success. Then after dinner 
we went up to No. 9 General, where the Cleve- 
landers hold forth, and had a little dance in their 
nurses' mess hall. We stopped at 11, as we all 
had a half hour's walk home. It was a wonderful 
night. Dr. Allison and I brought up the rear of 
the procession and discussed the affairs of the 
universe. 

July 10. Ruth and I have been to town this 



FINDING THEMSELVES 65 

lovely afternoon to do a few errands and wander 
around the quaint little back streets and visit 
the wonderful churches. I am having an extra 
serge uniform made. It has already been a month 
in the making, but it will probably be finished 
soon now. It looks as if it were going to be very 
satisfactory. Before we came back to our camp 
we had supper at a very French place and enjoyed 
our omelette aux champignons, sole frite, petits 
pois au beurre, salade aux fines herbes and cafe 
and peches to the very limit, although we had to 
pay the very limit for it, and all felt very extrava- 
gant when we saw the bill. Food is very expensive, 
but the French are not losing anything from the 
English and American trade. They tack on all 
sorts of prices to everything they can get away 
with. It is very restful and relieving to the mind 
to get away from the hospital, and I try to do it at 
least once every week for the best part of an after- 
noon. 

We are not working too hard here, any of us, 
but I find that I am pretty tired most of the time 
because I cannot escape from my responsibilities at 
any time, even when I am off duty, which is not 
much except in the evenings because I am right 
in the middle of things all the time, and each one 
of the sixty -four has some question to ask almost 
every time they see me. You see everything over 
here is different, the details are hard to learn, 



66 FINDING THEMSELVES 

or rather they are hard to get over to each one 
of the sixty-four. I have not been sleeping very 
well for the same reason. I hear every one that 
goes by my room and I hear all the women in my 
hut get to bed and all they have to say as they 
get ready for the night, and I hear them all get 
up in the morning etc. But I keep thinking that 
I shall get used to all of this and not be so noticing. 
I am better than I was in London or on the boat. 
I have my room' fixed up so that it looks quite 
comfortable. I probably shall spend most of my 
spare time down here in the office in the grand- 
stand, for down here I am more isolated from my 
responsibilities. Just outside are the doctors' 
tents, but when they perform their ablutions out 
here in front of my door, it does not disturb me 
in the least, because it is not up to me whether 
they are as comfortably taken care of as possible. 
Their quarters are even more primitive than ours. 
Many of them are two in a tent in which they 
can hardly stand upright, and their toilet articles 
are laid on a box and their clothes they have to 
hang on the tent pole. We all have a little wash- 
stand, and an enamel basin and pitcher and pail, 
which were furnished us since we arrived here. 
With that and a small table and a little shelf 
and some hooks in the corner we can be very 
civilized. 

Hot water is a very great problem, for all our 



FINDING THEMSELVES 67 

water for cooking, washing dishes, and bathing 
104 women is heated in two small tanks over little 
coal fires, and the supply is very inadequate. 
But little by little things get made more practical 
and sensible. So many things were unnecessarily 
uncomfortable. My next domestic job is to find 
out how to get dishes for one hundred people 
washed when hot water is entirely insufficient, 
so that they are not always sticky and smelly. 
I presume it can be done, but at present I acknowl- 
edge I am baffled. I am taking it for granted 
that you are interested in these sordid details. 
They really seem very important over here, al- 
though to you in America they probably do not 
rank as highly as stopping hemorrhages and writ- 
ing letters for dying soldiers. They truly don't to 
us all the time. But this is a trivial letter meant 
for only a few who want to know details. 

To-day our Major Fife, the U. S. Army man 
who joined us in St. Louis, with two other regular 
army men, took over the command of the hospital, 
and Col. J. left. Col. J., the English O. C. (Officer 
Commanding), has been perfectly charming, and 
we are all very sorry to see him go. He has been 
transferred to a neighboring hospital camp, 
not very far away, so we still may see something 
of him. Yesterday afternoon, late, I had a little 
tea party here in my office, which was very de- 
lightful. A few days ago I had met the two 



68 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Colonels of the Australian hospital camp, which 
is on the other side of the race course, and as the 
one who is the M. O. (Medical Officer) said he 
wanted to meet Major Murphy, I invited him 
and the other O. C. and had Major Murphy 
and Col. J. and Miss Taylor, and we had a very 
nice party, with tea, bread and butter, and jam. 
Then afterwards we took the visiting Colonels 
down to see some of the American apparatus 
that we are using on some of our cases. Our 
Surgical Hut looks like a carpenter shop. We have 
about ten beds under a wooden canopy frame, 
to which the poor shattered legs of our blown-to- 
pieces men are fastened. When a leg is broken in 
half a dozen places and there are several gaping 
infected wounds besides, it is something of a 
trick of carpentry and mechanics to make the 
poor fellows comfortable, put on extensions so 
the legs won't contract, and yet make it possible 
to irrigate the wounds. We have some wonder- 
ful arrangements. It is remarkable the way 
pulleys and ropes can be arranged so that the 
men can pull themselves up with their hands 
to let the nurses rub their backs and change their 
beds. So many men come to us with terrific 
bedsores to add to the distress of their shattered 
legs it takes much ingenuity to take care of them. 
We have one man who is practically slung in 
hammocks which are attached with counter 



FINDING THEMSELVES 69 

weights to the frame over the bed. These small 
hammocks, or slings, go, one under his shoulders, 
one under his lower back, and then his leg is in a 
frame with weights attached to the foot. Rubber 
tubes are run in and out of his thigh, and knee, 
and his wounds are irrigated through these tubes 
which are perforated. This method of irrigating 
is the Carrel Method. The men in this hut are 
getting to feel they are such an interesting show, 
so many people come to see them, that they have 
begun to make fun by rattling a coin in a tin box 
and taking up a collection when people ask what 
they are doing that for. 

It's about time I went up to my room now, as 
it is after nine and the doctors are beginning to go 
to their tents and I must sit here ticking away on 
the machine with the door open. Some nurses 
came in to talk to me so I was disturbed, even 
when I thought I had got away from them. They 
meant well and only came to inquire if I was not 
well, because they thought I did not look well 
and were worried. Wasn't that dear of them. It's 
only a lack of proper sleep that makes me look 
a bit queer. I am not a bit sick, just a bit "groggy." 
I really am quite brown, and my hair is quite 
curly ! from all this dampness. It rains part of 
every day almost. 

Good-night for now. It is always fun to think 
at night, maybe I will get a letter to-morrow. 



70 FINDING THEMSELVES 

You just cannot imagine how much letters count. 
I never had them count so much before. 
Much love to you all. 

J. 

Rouen, France. July 16, 1917. 

I am inclosing a copy of a letter Miss Taylor 
received to-day, in reply to the letter she wrote 
to Private Murphy's mother, the day after her 
boy died here. He was here of a gunshot wound 
in the chest, one of those treacherous injuries 
that seem to be getting along all right and then 
knock a man out with a sudden hemorrhage. 
The boy was not even on the Seriously 111 or the 
Dangerously 111 list, and the worst part was that 
he died before we could get the priest to him. We 
have a Catholic priest as well as C. of E. and 
Nonconformist padres always in attendance. They 
live on the grounds. Of course a formal notice 
of the man's death was sent to his mother through 
the War Casualty Office, but Miss Taylor wrote 
to tell his mother the details, and to explain 
why the priest was not with him when he died. 
Her reply is so typical of the bravery of English 
women I want you to see it. 
"To Assistant Matron : — 

" I thank you for so kindly answering my letter 
for my dear lad Pte. W. Murphy. I am quite 
sure you all concerned did what possibly could 



FINDING THEMSELVES 71 

be done for him. I thank you from the very 
bottom of my heart. I've felt it very keenly, 
more than I can ever say, but I have the satis- 
faction of knowing he was cared for by a woman 
at the last and given a decent grave. Perhaps 
God took him then because he was then fit, he 
was a good boy at home to us and I know the 
last three years of his life he honestly tried his 
level best. I think God understands us each one 
best. I should like you to thank the nurse per- 
sonally for me who was with him at the last, 
and every night you brave women are remembered 
in our prayers. My wee daughter aged three 
years prays, 'God bless our nurses at the front.' 
I have not received his treasure bag and am sorry 
as my little son aged 15 yrs., who was passion- 
ately attached to our dear lad, hoped to have his 
rosary, but perhaps I shall get it — only you 
asked me to let you know if I did not receive it. 
I must now conclude, thanking you once again, 
believe me 

"Yrs. sincerely 

" Bell Brown." 

All day yesterday and in the night we heard 
the booming of guns, and the night nurses say the 
windows in our surgical hut rattled. It was the 
loudest I have heard since we have been here. 
And every time I hear them those words of one 
of our patients come to my mind: "Some poor 



72 FINDING THEMSELVES 

devils are getting theirs." The men recently 
sent down from the front tell us that rumor has 
it that there is going to be a big drive in a few 
days. We wonder if it has begun and if we shall 
be getting more convoys in. Our hospital is not 
half full now, we have been sending out so many 
convoys over to "Blighty." We need to be a 
little busier for our best good. The weather is 
lovely, very cool at night, we always sleep under 
blankets, warm in the sun. Almost every day 
it rains at least a part of the day, but the ground 
here is so sandy there is very little mud. It is a 
drizzling evening, but it is cozy and pleasant here 
in my office. It is getting on toward ten and out- 
side in their tents I can hear the voices of some of 
our officers talking together, and from time to 
time across the road come bugle calls, and there 
is that faint bustling sound of large numbers of 
people getting ready to be quiet for the night. 
We are in the midst of such thousands and thou- 
sands of people, mostly soldiers, and all day long 
there are myriads of soldier sounds, bugle calls, 
tramping of feet, motor cycles, lorries, bands 
playing, men's voices, sharp commands, the slap 
of the hand on the musket in salute, the popping 
of small bombs or guns all day long from the 
practice trenches near here. On the fourth of 
July we thought how like a home Fourth it was, 
but here the popping and the shots sound every 



FINDING THEMSELVES 73 

day. And it is not fireworks that are being shot 
off. At neighboring camps there are experts in 
bayoneting, experts in gassing, experts in Hate 
Talk. There are actually special men who some- 
times talk to as many as three thousand men to 
make them feel that their chief business is to kill. 
It is incomprehensible. Whenever will this toppling 
world right itself? It will be a long time before 
we come home. The more we know the more 
sure we are that it is going to be a long business. 
And the man who wrote "The picture, That I 
saw that day, Of home folks bidding home good-by, 
For traitor seas, And 'somewhere,' Out beyond 
the seas, And after that, Just God, And what He 
wills," was right. That is the situation. 

July 19. Such nice letters to-day. It is such fun 
to get the home news and to learn the details of 
your doings. We are not working hard and we 
find it embarrassing to have people take it for 
granted that we are overdoing all the time and 
suffering real hardships. We are comfortable and 
well fed and have interesting work and many 
very interesting diversions. 

There is a lot of very simple entertainment 
back and forth among the camps. Once or twice 
every week there is a tea party or a tennis party 
with tea or a concert with refreshments somewhere 
here. To-morrow we are going to return some of 
the many courtesies that have been shown us 



74 FINDING THEMSELVES 

and be "at home" to our neighbors here on the 
Race Course : No. 10 General Hospital and No. 1 
Australian General. The party will be out of 
doors and there will be tennis and a baseball 
game between nurses and officers. The officers 
are having baseball suits made for them by the 
nurses. These suits are to be very gay skirts, 
so that they will be as much hampered as the 
women. We have started our V. A. D.'s on base- 
ball against the American nurses. They take to 
it like small boys and find it "ripping." It has 
been the best mixing process I ever invented. 
It is a great sight these lovely evenings between 
eight and nine to see the crowd of hilarious nurses 
careering over the grass between the hedge and 
the fenced-off center of the course where all the 
tents are, and hanging on the fence a couple of 
hundred "blue boys" or convalescent patients 
in their blue hospital suits. Then the officers 
come straggling out after their dinner, peacefully 
smoking their pipes, and they line up and root 
and laugh too and coach. It does not look much 
like war. It does everybody the best possible 
good, for it has them all roaring with laughter, 
and sends them off to bed in the best of humor, 
like a bunch of kids. 

The English tea parties are charming, and I 
think myself in a storybook every time I go to 
one. The uniforms of the English Sisters are so 



FINDING THEMSELVES 75 

gay and bright with their flowing caps and red- 
bordered little capes, and all the men are in uni- 
form, and the little tables set out on the grass are 
under large sunshades, or there are special mar- 
quees set up for the occasion, and it's all very gay. 
Last week around at No. 10 General after the tea 
part, they had games, tennis for some, hunting 
for hidden treasure in the grass and hedge (I 
found a souvenir spoon in a mole hole), and a 
potato and spoon race, and also a tug of war that 
was so fiercely strenuous that it left many of 
us with cricks in our necks ever since. The tug 
of war seems to be a favorite sport. Our white- 
dressed nurses with their scarlet-lined blue capes 
look mighty pretty on these occasions. Of course 
different groups of nurses and doctors get off for 
different parties. They are usually from 5 to 
7 or after 8. 

Then in the Y. M. C. A. huts there are frequent 
forms of entertainment, not only for the convales- 
cent patients but for the staff. A "concert" 
usually means a kind of variety show. All kinds 
of pretty good troupes are sent out to go the 
rounds of the various hospitals, and then, too, 
each hospital has its own band, which is trained 
or run by the Y. M. C. A. people. We here have 
some very unusual Y. M. C. A. people. A Prof. B., 
his wife, and son are living here and giving their 
whole time to this work. They are from Cam- 



76 FINDING THEMSELVES 

bridge, both father and son. I am told that the 
father is a professor of theology, and the son of 
archaeology. They are very talented people, quite 
eccentric geniuses, all of them, I should judge. 
The father leads the band, the son plays the little 
organ in our chapel, the mother hovers around, 
and all the time some one of them is in attendance 
at the Y. M. C. A. hut to help the boys play and 
to manage the many concerts and lectures that 
take place there all the time. The first time I met 
Mrs. B. was the first night I arrived. The first 
thing she said to me was, "Good gracious, how 
funereal you look!" I was in my dark uniform 
and it was after dark in the evening and I did look 
like a crow, but then ! She was very cordial after- 
ward and has been very charming to us all. She 
gave a big tea for us in the hut one Sunday after- 
noon and had many officers, Y. M. C. A. workers, 
and nurses there to meet us. Everybody here is 
devoted to the B.'s and they add much to the 
community life. Both father and son are tall, 
thin, stooped, spectacled souls. The son is more 
or less of an invalid, it seems. 

We have just heard a piece of news that delights 
us very much and that is that Miss G. is to come 
over to be "Matron-in-chief for France" as the 
corresponding official is called for the other nursing 
forces. I had already written, as had the Chief 
Nurses of some of the other Units, asking Miss 



FINDING THEMSELVES 77 

N. to send us some one to advise us, and make 
uniform regulations for us all and standardize 
our actions and customs. Now, each Chief Nurse 
is entirely responsible, under her Commanding 
Officer, who leaves all the details to her, for 
every little thing. And the consequence is that 
there are as many ideas about discipline, uni- 
forms, hours of duty, social usages, etc. as there 
are Chief Nurses. Miss G. will be ideal for this 
position. Dr. Alexander Lambert was here last 
evening and he told us that she was coming. It 
may be that she has only been sent for, but I 
hope it means that she is to come. We have 
received word that ^ve American nurses are to 
be added to our force here soon. We don't know 
where they are to come from or anything about 
them. It was an official notice that we had yes- 
terday that 33 were to arrive at Havre, five of 
whom are to be sent to us. We shall be glad to 
see them whoever they are. Five of our V. A. D.'s 
are to be taken when the Americans come. 

Two of my people heard me say the other day 
that I wished I had my violin here, so yesterday 
they went down to Rouen and bought me one. 
I wish you could hear the accounts of how they 
did it, for neither of them has any French or knows 
anything about violins. But it was a violin all 
right that they brought out to me wrapped up in 
a newspaper, and last night it played perfectly 



78 FINDING THEMSELVES 

good tunes in the mess hall. One of the V. A. D.'s 

plays the piano very well, so we had a fine time 

trying out the instrument. To-day I have some 

bad blisters on the ends of the fingers of my left 

hand, which makes it almost impossible to write 

on the typewriter. We have not much music 

here, but a few popular dance airs. 

Loads of love. 

Julia. 

July 25, 1917. 

I do not know how to write about our doings 
of the past few days, for I cannot write numbers, 
and it is only numbers that would give you any 
idea at all of what we have been doing. I wrote 
in my last letter, I think it was, that we were not 
working hard, well, we have begun our hard work, 
and for our own sakes we are glad of it. In the 
past 24 hours we have admitted more patients 
than the total capacity of the Barnes and Chil- 
dren's Hospital, not the average number of 
patients, but the total capacity. And all these 
patients have been bathed, fed, and had their 
wounds dressed. Some of course were able to 
walk and could go to the bath house and the mess 
tents, but most of them to-day are stretcher cases, 
and oh, so dirty, hungry, and miserable. The 
mere (I say mere, but it is really the most impor- 
tant part of the whole thing) proper recording of 



FINDING THEMSELVES 79 

the names, numbers, ranks, nearest relatives 
etc., is in itself a huge task. Of course the nurses 
don't have all that to do, but they have a lot of 
it. The boys who are stretcher bearers must be 
so lame, they can hardly move, for just consider 
what it means to lift down out of ambulances 
as many patients as that, and then afterwards 
carry them as far sometimes as a city block, for 
we filled our farthest tents to-day. It is most 
remarkable how things have gone. There are 
many aching backs to-night, for all the beds are 
very low and the stooping is terrific, but every 
one has been a brick. Many of the nurses have 
worked 14 straight hours to-day, and many of 
the doctors had only two or three hours' sleep 
last night, and were working all day. The diffi- 
culty to-day was, that we had to put patients 
into rows of tents that have not been used for 
some time and were not equipped, and our warn- 
ing was not long enough to prepare. We had the 
beds ready, but little else. To-night things have 
straightened out a lot, but it is going to be a 
busy night as we are to send out a convoy, and 
get another in. Three additional night nurses 
are on to-night, taken from the day force that has 
to stretch itself a little thinner. 

Our nurses don't need any "Hate Lecture" 
after what we have seen in the past few days. 
We have been receiving patients that have been 



80 FINDING THEMSELVES 

gassed, and burned in a most mysterious way. 
Their clothing is not burned at all, but they have 
bad burns on their bodies, on parts that are covered 
by clothing. The doctors think it has been done 
by some chemical that gets its full action on the 
skin after it is moist, and when the men sweat, 
it is in these places that are the most moist that 
the burns are the worst. The Germans have been 
using a kind of oil in bombs, the men say it is oil 
of mustard. These bombs explode and the men's 
eyes, noses, and throats are so irritated they do 
not detect the poison gas fumes that come from 
the bombs that follow these oil ones, and so they 
either inhale it and die like flies, or have a delayed 
action and are affected by it terribly several hours 
later. We have had a lot of these delayed-action 
gassed men, who cough and cough continuously, 
like children with whooping cough. We had a very 
bad case the other night who had not slept one 
hour for four nights or days, and whose coughing 
paroxysms came every minute and a half by the 
clock. When finally the nurses got him to sleep, 
after rigging up a croup tent over him so that he 
could breathe steam from a croupkettle over a 
little stove that literally had to be held in the 
hands to make it burn properly, they said they 
were ready to get down on their knees in gratitude, 
his anguish had been so terrible to watch. They 
said they could not wish the Germans any greater 



FINDING THEMSELVES 81 

unhappiness than to have them have to witness 
the sufferings of a man like that and know that 
they had been the cause of it. It is diabolical 
the things they do, simply fiendish, and like the 
things that would be expected from precocious 
degenerates. 

I cannot imagine what kind of change is going 
to take place in our minds before we get home. 
There are so many changes coming over our ideas 
every day. They are not new ideas, for many 
people have had them before, since the beginning 
of this war, but they are new to us. Human life 
seems so insignificant, and individuals are so 
unimportant. No one over here thinks in any 
numbers less than 50 or 100, and what can the 
serious condition of Private John Brown of 
something or other, Something Street, Birming- 
ham, matter? One's mind is torn between the 
extremes of such feelings, for when a nurse takes 
the pulse of a wounded sleeping man and he wakes 
just enough to say "Mother," she goes to pieces 
in her heart, just as though he weren't only one 
of the hundreds of wounded men in just this one 
hospital. 

This morning when the big rush was on, I was 
in the receiving tent when the last three men 
were unloaded : One had his head and eyes all 
bandaged up and seemed in very bad condition, 
so I went with the stretcher bearers to see if I 

G 



82 FINDING THEMSELVES 

could help get him into bed. The eye specialist 
was sent for at once, and got there in a few min- 
utes. We untied the big triangular bandage that 
was keeping the wads of cotton on his head and 
eyes, and found his eyes in a terrible condition 
from being bandaged for over 24 hours without 
attention. We soaked off the dressings with 
some boric solution that I had procured from the 
Operating Hut. There was not even a single 
basin in the tent to which the man had been 
brought, not to mention a nurse or medicines. 
After a while we got the eyes open a tiny bit so 
that they could be examined and washed out a 
little, and then the doctor blew out : "It's a per- 
fect crime to send a man down here in this condi- 
tion, look at this puncture wound of this eye, 
and see what a terrible condition his eyes are in. 
A whole lifetime of blindness will probably be 
the result." The patient was delirious and quite 
incapable of understanding. Just then an older 
officer came along and heard the remark and said : 
" Crime ! my dear boy, you've got absolutely 
the wrong point of view. How could they keep a 
man like this up there at the front, from which 
they have sent him? Don't you realize that at 
a place like that every wounded man is simply a 
hindrance and must be gotten out of the way? 
Just stop and think how well they are doing to 
get so many of them to us in any decent shape 



FINDING THEMSELVES 83 

at all." Then the other one said : " Oh, I suppose 
so. War's the thing now, all right." After he was 
dressed, and things had been straightened out a 
bit, this patient was transferred to one of the 
lines that is better equipped to take care of such 
serious cases. He was put on the "Dangerously 
111," and word was sent to his mother! His 
head injury is bad, so maybe he wont live to be 
blind. (Later. He is much better now and will 
get well and probably have the sight of one eye.) 

No man leaves here in his own clothes. It 
couldn't be done. All the things have to be sent 
to be disinfected and then they go to the clothes 
tent, and then are just drawn, as clothes for so 
many men, when the convoys go out. That is 
unless they are going to the Convalescent Camp 
or back to a base, then they are fitted as nearly 
as possible and given a full equipment, but the 
men going to England are fixed up just so that 
they can travel. They are lucky if they can stick 
to their little comfort bags in which are their 
little treasures. Just so many pins that must 
have so many moves is all they are. And they are 
so good and patient. They are so grateful, it 
just makes everybody wish she were a dozen 
people and could do twelve times as much as 
she can possibly do with her one set of arms 
and legs. 

But what will we think when we get through 



84 FINDING THEMSELVES 

with it all ? How are we going to stand the mental 
strain ? Yet others do, and go on being normal, 
cheerful human beings, teaching bayoneting one 
hour, and playing tennis the next, or having 
tea with pretty nurses. Oh, it's a queer world ! 
as the orderly said who came to tell me of a few 
more hundred wounded expected in soon. "Isn't 
it a cruel world?" 

July 30, 1917. 
Dearest Family : — 

This is just a letter to you, not a general epistle 
to the United States. Major Murphy has just 
cabled to-day that we are all well, and the reason 
that there has been such a long delay in your 
getting our letters from France is that they were 
held up in London. We do not know why. A num- 
ber of friends have cabled, and that is how we 
know that our letters have not been received. 
I spoke to the Major about it this morning, as 
so many nurses have said they thought they had 
better cable, and he said he would cable Miss 
Hudson at once, which he proceeded to do. I 
began this last evening, but was interrupted by 
having an orderly bring me a huge bunch of sweet- 
peas, mignonette, etc. from a nice Colonel com- 
manding a neighboring Infantry Base Depot. 
Of course I had to stop and put them in such vases 
as we have. I brought some down to the officers' 



FINDING THEMSELVES 85 

mess, where they were just finishing dinner, and 
where I had to stay and chat a bit. 

This afternoon we have had distinguished 
guests ! Mrs. Christie, the Chief Nurse of the 
Presbyterian Unit from N. Y. and three of her 
nurses motored down from E. to call on me and 
more especially Miss Allison of the Cleveland 
Unit. It was pleasant to see them and to compare 
notes. 

My, but you all seem far away in another world. 
But it is fun to think about you. We feel now as 
though we had been here forever. If you have not 
read Lord Northcliffe's new book, "At the War" 
do get hold of it, for it describes just what we are 
in the midst of, and everything about us and our 
surroundings etc., not really us — of course, but 
hospital people out here in general. One of our 
men lent me his copy. We are going to be very 
short of reading matter here very soon. We had 
a small library from our steamer books, but in 
Rouen, it seems, there are not many English books. 
(I'm reading some French, of course.) We have 
subscribed for a good many magazines, but none 
have come yet, nor papers. If you should mail 
a good novel once in so often, I believe it would 
reach us easily and it certainly would be appre- 
ciated. Another thing we would love to have is 
some music. Popular new dance music, or songs, 
and a hymn-book. We have rented a piano, but 



86 FINDING THEMSELVES 

no one brought any music. We have some good 
singers, and we need some good popular airs. I 
believe I told you about the 12-franc violin some 
of my girls bought me. You'd be surprised what 
sweet tunes it can play ! The three or four old torn 
pieces that were hanging around are almost worn 
out and I can see that if we enjoy playing and 
singing now, we will much more when the little 
sitting-room end of our mess hall is the only warm 
place to go to on a rainy, cold, winter night. So 
there are two things you can do for me. The 
Parcel Post is bringing things over from the 
States already, and I guess that is the best way 
to send things. 

Everybody over here talks about the cold of 
the winter, and we shall have no heat except in 
occasional small oil stoves, or a coal stove, for 
each hut. Our tented Hospital is not to be hutted 
this year, as we have been told. But if the English 
could stand it last year, I am sure we can. Mrs. 
Whitelaw Reid has written to ask if we want 
sleeping bags, and I have replied "Yes." We have 
rubber boots, rubber hats, and rubber coats, which 
we shall have to wear constantly. Washington is 
trying to work out some suitable uniform for us. 
It will take considerable imagination to design 
a costume that will be warm enough, short enough, 
washable, and suitable for use in tents where you 
must dress very infected wounds. Our white 



FINDING THEMSELVES 87 

caps are absurd for popping in and out of low- 
entranced tents. 

Elsie asks how the responsibility of taking 
care of all my people is burdening me. For a while 
it was a pretty big burden, but now it does not 
weigh nearly as much as it did. I have such 
splendid people here with me. Just a few have 
been a little troublesome, but nothing to mention. 
And the rest are loyal, affectionate, and entirely 
to be depended upon. The ten that came from 
Kansas City have been bricks. The two from 
Hannibal have turned out to be good nurses and 
fine women, and the rest, almost all of them, de- 
veloped fine qualities that I really did not know 
they had in them. We have had so little trouble 
I cannot help wondering what it is, when I hear 
of difficulties the other Units are having. "Oh 
yes," Matron X. said, "I have forbidden my 
nurses to go out with officers, but they are doing 
it." We allow ours to go out with doctors, but 
have made the only restriction that they go in 
groups of at least three. They have been fine 
about it and go off half a dozen at a time, and 
have splendid walks, etc. "Yes, I've forbidden 
mine to smoke or drink wine in public, but they 
do it in private, and I don't think it's any of my 
business to meddle with their private lives," 
said she. Our nurses talked the matter over at a 
meeting after I had presented the whole thing to 



88 FINDING THEMSELVES 

them, and voted to go on the water-wagon and 
not to smoke while they were over here, and 
they are doing it too ! I don't ask, or pry, but tell 
them how proud I am of them when I can tell 
other people of the stand my people took by them- 
selves. Miss E. of the American Ambulance, who 
was down here, was so much impressed by the 
attitude of my nurses on these matters, she went 
back to Paris and told her nurses there about 
it, and said it made a big impression on them. 
It is hard not to drink wine where so much 
wine abounds, but we are not out in public 
places much, and one can always get water or 
their horrid cider. And the point is, my people 
are proud of themselves, and are proud to tell 
the English officers, who offer wine at parties, that 
we American nurses don't drink wine. The officers 
say : "Aren't you allowed to ? your Matron won't 
know." Then they answer with pride, "It isn't 
our Matron that won't let us, we decided not to 
ourselves." By that time the officers quit fool- 
ing, and say "Well, it's a mighty good resolution, 
too." 

You can't begin to guess how welcome your 
letters are. Some seem to come through so very 
quickly now. One of Mother's dated July 12 
reached me July 28th and Elsie's of the 13th came 
just as fast. I wish Elsie's kiddies could make 
jigsaw puzzles for our men. They are just crazy 



FINDING THEMSELVES 89 

about them, and we arrange tables so they can 
get at them, and they spend hours working on 
them. It is so much easier for the one-armed ones 
than reading. Couldn't Billy make and send me 
one, or some knitted things. I'd give it myself 
to one of our boys and have the boy write Billy 
a letter. I wish I could send you pictures, but 
we can't send a single thing. All the kodaks were 
taken, and we each had to sign a paper that we had 
none in our possession. I wish I could draw, 
there are so many wonderfully interesting and 
picturesque things about here, and right in our 
camp. 

August 8, 1917. 
We have just finished our weekly inspection 
by the "D. D. M. S.," which means the Deputy 
Divisional Medical Supervisor, who is a very 
pleasant Colonel. Every Wednesday at 3.30 we 
all line up at the entrance to our camp and wait 
to meet him after he gets through inspecting No. 
10 General Hospital. By "we" I mean our "C. 
O." Major Fife, our "M. O." Major Murphy, 
our Liaison Officer, a British Colonel, the Quarter- 
master, and the "Matron," me. It really is a very 
pleasant occasion. We sit out there in the sun, 
if there is any, on a park bench and gossip until 
-we see the D. D. M. S. aide appear from out of the 
last tent of No. 10, then we stand up and walk 



90 FINDING THEMSELVES 

over a bit to greet him. He always shakes hands 
with me first and asks me how I am getting along, 
then salutes the others and has a word or two 
with them, then turns to me and asks what I 
want him to see. I usually turn to Major Murphy 
and ask him if he has anything special to show 
the Colonel, and Major Murphy says: "Let's 
show the Colonel line so and so." I have acci- 
dentally mentioned before what lines I would like 
to have visited. It is usually tea time when he 
comes, and, unless we tell the nurses to hold off 
with the tea until after the inspection is over, the 
tents are in a mussy state. So every Wednes- 
day I usually warn two or three different lines 
that I may have them inspected. To-day as 
a matter of fact we went to three different lines 
that had not been warned, as Major Murphy 
wanted to show the Colonel some special cases. 
After inspection is over, the officers take him and 
his aide to tea in the Officers' Mess, or I take him 
up to the Sisters' Mess. While we were making 
rounds to-day, it began to pour, but one of my nice 
aides brought me an umbrella and Captain Schwab 
lent me his rain coat to save my clean white dress. 
When I went down to the point to wait for his 
Elegance, the sun was shining beautifully, but 
it was about the second peep of the sun we have 
had in over a week. And now it is pouring. — 
I had to stop then and put on my rain hat and 



FINDING THEMSELVES 91 

coat and go up to the Sisters' Quarters with a 
Lieutenant from the Royal Engineers, who came 
to inspect the leaks in the roofs of the nurses' huts. 
He saw them all right and will have them fixed. 

We are wondering so much whether you are 
getting our letters. Letters coming to us have 
told of a long stretch of time without word from 
us ; in fact no letters had been received from any 
of us since we landed in France. Major Murphy 
cabled Miss Hudson a week ago that we were 
quite all right, so I hope none of you are worrying. 
We heard to-day that some postcards I sent on 
June 24th had been received, so it s v eems that 
cards go through safely anyway. I hope that by 
this time you are getting our letters. Wasn't 
that account of my interview with the London 
reporter absurd ? Of course I did not say all that 
bosh, but I did say that I could not make any 
comparisons between the American and the 
English hospitals. That is what she wanted me 
to do. I saw copies of that interview from San 
Francisco, Detroit, Philadelphia, and St. Louis 
papers, which shows how far a little bit of "swank" 
can go. 

It is ten days since I have written at all to any 
one. We have been very busy, and have all had 
long hours of work and I have not felt much like 
writing when I have had the time to do so. The 
pressure has now let up a bit, but I think it will 



92 FINDING THEMSELVES 

be only a temporary let-up. Our hospital is very 
full and we have many very bad cases. My nurses 
are beginning to show the effect of the emotional 
strain. Their nerves are a bit on edge, and I find 
that when they lose for a few days time-off-duty, 
as they all have been doing, they are not standing 
the strain and loss as well as they did the last 
time we were so busy. I have had about a dozen 
of them weeping, so I am hunting about for more 
forms of diversion. The continuous rainy, damp 
weather, the accumulating emotional strain, and 
the real hard work are having an effect upon them 
all that is bothering me. There is a convalescent 
hospital for Sisters at E., to which I can send one 
or two at a time for a short rest as soon as I can 
spare them. But I do not want to have to begin 
to do that yet. So we are having a little dance 
in our Mess to-morrow night and perhaps I can 
get up some bridge parties or some other games. 
Our sitting-room space is so small we are very 
much handicapped but if it will only clear up, 
we could play some outdoor games. You see my 
real problems are beginning. I would have given 
a good deal myself to have had some one like 
Mother to weep on, last Sunday. You can imagine 
how I miss my older women friends. Naturally 
I cannot do any weeping here, since I have to be 
wept on; but there are times when it would be 
such a comfort to be braced myself. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 93 

There was nothing really wrong on Sunday, 
but that day we had so many sick men to look 
after, and things got a bit complicated and several 
nurses got hysterical and I felt things were just 
too much. Any one would have thought so if 
they had seen our poor gassed men who are so 
terribly burnt. One of my most stolid nurses 
came to me that day and said " I just don't know 
how I am going to stand it, taking care of so and 
so." I said "Why not?" and she replied, "When 
he was brought in to us he was so badly burned 
we could hardly see any part of him that we 
could touch except the back of his neck; but 
that isn't the worst part, instead of cursing or 
moaning he was singing, and I just can't stand 
that." It isn't only women that are affected by 
these things, the men don't weep often, but they 
come near it. And they get just as edgey and 
worn to a frazzle. They lose more sleep than the 
nurses do, for they have to get up in the night all 
the time, to operate, or attend to patients, or 
look after convoys, in or out. 

I want to tell you about the most unique day 
I ever had in my life. It was last Monday when I 
and five other nurses went out for our gas train- 
ing. All soldiers receive gas training, as you know, 
and are fitted with gas helmets, which they take 
with them to the front. Recently all doctors and 
nurses who go up to the Casualty Clearing Sta- 



94 FINDING THEMSELVES 

tions have been given gas training too. Only 
about ten nurses so far have had this training. 
We have already sent one surgical team to the 
front, including one nurse, and I have been quite 
determined that I shall go as soon as possible. 
Major M. hasn't been altogether willing that I 
should, thinking that I ought to stay here with 
my children, but I have pointed out to him that 
Miss T. and the Supervisors could take care of 
them perfectly well, and he has consented to let 
me go. I want some real manual work with the 
patients and I can't get it here, for I have to do so 
much office work. I have been going down to 
the operating room as much as I could to help 
a little and get my hand in, but I cannot get there 
often. Major M. says I can't go with him, for 
I must not be gone while he is away, so I am to 
wait and go with Major C. Now about gas train- 
ing. There is a regular school here where thousands 
of soldiers are given their training daily. It takes 
the greater part of the day. I cannot describe it. 
You will have to wait till I get home. But we 
had our masks tested first in a room filled with 
lachrymating gas ; we were drilled in putting them 
on any number of times, for speed is a very impor- 
tant element, so each motion is counted and timed. 
We were lectured for an hour, the most interest- 
ing and barbarous lecture I ever heard in my life. 
It is at one and the same time the refinement of 



FINDING THEMSELVES 95 

science and civilization, and of hideous barbarism. 
We had lunch in a dugout with the officers of the 
school, for the school is in the middle of a huge 
plain, and then we were taken into a trench filled 
with lachrymating gas so that we would know 
what it is like. This without helmets. Then 
with three officers, one before, one in the middle, 
and one behind our string of six nurses, and a 
medical officer standing outside, we were taken 
into a closed, tunnel-like affair into which chlorine 
gas was being poured in clouds from special pipes. 
We of course had our masks on and were all 
carefully inspected before we went in. This gas 
would not hurt us, they say, but we get the smell 
and get used to wearing the masks and are ready 
afterwards to get our certificate. 

August 20, 1917. 

The last letter I wrote was August 8th and here 
it is the 20th. The time goes so very rapidly I 
forget when I last wrote and am surprised to find 
that it is over a week. We have not been so very 
busy these past two weeks, I mean not as we were 
before then. It has not been raining as much 
these past few days, to our great relief, and we are 
beginning to get dried out a bit. When mattresses 
begin to get moldy inside of huts, it has been pretty 
damp. The spirits of my people are improving 
under the let-up of strain, but they are showing 



96 FINDING THEMSELVES 

a few physical signs of the over-fatigue. We have 
been having a number of infected fingers and other 
little things and have really broken our good health 
record. I have one nurse, Miss S., away at E. for 
a ten days' change at a lovely Convalescent Home 
for Sisters, and another is to go soon, — Miss M. 
who had a bad attack of bronchitis. Miss S. had 
a lot of little infections which showed she was 
below par. Then yesterday we had our most 
serious trouble, for we had to send Miss S. to 
the Hospital for Sick Sisters here in Rouen to 
have an operation due to an old injury. The 
British officials could not have been more courte- 
ous to us. They made it possible for our men to 
perform the operation and let one of my nurses 
go and stay with Miss S. The operation was a 
very long, serious one. Major M. and Major C. 
operated and Miss S. assisted while I held the 
arm. The operation was performed in the Oper- 
ating Room of No. 8 General Hospital, which is 
five minutes' ride from the "Sick Sisters" where 
there is no Operating Room. She was taken 
back in an ambulance before she was out of 
ether. The "Sick Sisters" is a lovely place on 
the other side of Rouen, about 8 miles from here. 
We go and come in a little Ford Ambulance. 
Major M. and I have been over to-day, and every- 
thing is getting along beautifully. We took our 
second patient over with us to-day, — Miss P., with 



FINDING THEMSELVES 97 

a bad infected thumb. We are not supposed to 
keep a sick sister in Quarters more than 24 hours. 
We have been very lucky up to now in not hav- 
ing to send any one away. But this hospital is 
ideal. It is taken care of by British doctors and 
Sisters and is in a lovely location, higher than the 
spire of Rouen Cathedral. It is worrying to have 
my children sick, but it is good to know what 
excellent care they will get when they are sick 
enough to be sent away from us. 

We have been having some lovely walks these 
past few days, since the rains have let up. There 
are loads of beautiful places to go to all around. 
One can take a little excursion boat from Rouen, 
down the river a bit, then get off and walk back 
here through the woods. Several times I have 
gone with some good walker into town, late in 
the afternoon, had supper in a most interesting 
little French cafe, and walked out here afterwards, 
making a nice walk of about 7 or 8 miles. The 
evenings are light and the sunsets wonderful and 
the crowds going home across the big bridges 
and out in our direction are most interesting. 
Ruth has walked one way with me but not the 
two. She is on day duty now, but I do not get a 
chance to go out with her very much as I cannot 
plan my free times much beforehand. 

Yesterday we had two very interesting callers : 
Miss Draper and Miss Hoyt from New York. 

H 



98 FINDING THEMSELVES 

They looked very smart in neat gray and blue 
uniform suits with A. R. C. on the shoulder 
straps. They said they were sent to make inquiries 
about hospital needs for the American Red Cross. 
They were very charming and pleasant and I 
liked very much talking with them. They came 
just as we were starting to leave to attend to our 
operation, so we asked them to come back to sup- 
per, which they did. They had driven down from 
Paris in Major (Dr.) Alex. Lambert's car, a humble 
For d , they called it . It looked pretty b eautif ul to us . 
On the 13th I got a telegram from Philip 
saying he had landed at Liverpool on the 11th. 
I wonder where he is and hope I shall be able 
to communicate with him soon. I had to stop 
there to take a patient's mother down to see 
him. The boy is very badly hurt in several places, 
two legs and one arm. A nice Y. M. C. A. person 
just turned her over to me. It is a wonder- 
ful system that brings a relative out here, almost 
personally conducted the whole way. This Y. M. 
C. A. person also brought the brother of another 
of our patients, but he got here too late and I had 
to tell him that his brother died last evening. He 
can be here for the funeral to-morrow anyway, 
and he can talk to the nurses who looked after 
the boy in his last hours. The Y. M. C. A. lady 
took him away for the night, but will bring him 
back to-morrow. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 99 

There is not very much of special interest to 
chronicle just at present. I am very well myself 
and trust I am going to stay so. Our food is quite 
good and sufficient. We all have huge appetites 
from being out of doors so much. 

We are longing for letters very badly. It must 
be about three weeks now since I have had a 
line from the States. I get some letters every day, 
but they are mostly from England about patients 
or from people in the locality, on business. There 
goes the third aeroplane that has flown over us 
in the past half hour. They are such pretty things. 
I should like to have a ride in one. 

With loads of love to you all. This is a stupid 
letter, I know, but they can't all be thrilling, for 
naturally there have to be many unthrilling days. 

Julia. 

August 28, 1917. 

For almost 24 hours we have been having one 
of the severest wind storms I have ever seen. 
It has been beautiful. It has been pouring for 
two days, then last evening it began to blow, and 
such a whistling and shrieking and rattling as 
there was. Up in our grove our little huts were 
pretty well protected, but the trees lashed them- 
selves with fury, [and branches broke, and doors 
and windows slammed and smashed. Several 
small tents were blown down, but no serious 



100 FINDING THEMSELVES 

damage was done. All day it has been blowing 
great guns and it has been gray and cold, like a 
late Fall day. I have been in the office all day 
doing accounts and other tiresome things, with 
one or two trips to the lines for various purposes. 
Miss Taylor had been off all the afternoon. I 
had tea in the Officers' Mess, which made a 
diversion of a few minutes. One of my Colonel 
friends sent over some sweet peas and dahlias, 
and I took some down for the officers' tables, 
and got invited to tea, so stayed a few minutes. 
Their mess is a bare, barracky kind of room under 
the grand stand. 

Yesterday I had a little different kind of day. 
All the morning I was in and out of the office, 
down on the lines, and all over in the pour. Then 
at 12 : 30 the Major and I went over in the am- 
bulance to the Sick Sisters' Hospital to see our 
invalids and take out the final stitches. Our 
lady with the serious operation has been doing 
wonderfully well from the very beginning. She 
has been up and about for several days, though 
she was operated upon only nine days ago. She 
will be back on duty before very long, if every- 
thing continues as it has been going. We shall 
probably send her to the Sisters' Convalescent 
Home for ten days after she is well enough to go. 
It is such a blessing to have such splendid places 
to have our sick nurses taken care of. I have one 



FINDING THEMSELVES 101 

nurse now, at E., recovering from bronchitis, and 
just this operation case, and the nurse with the 
badly infected finger, so I feel we are doing mighty 
well. Well, after our visit to the hospital, we rode 
back to town in the pour, and had lunch at 
Rouen's best hotel, the Hotel de la Poste. It is 
a regulation Continental hotel, full of staff officers, 
and has excellent food. We in uniform were the 
only Americans there, but we saw a number of 
our English friends. Afterwards we separated to 
do various errands. I had a long seance at the 
Base Cashier's, where I received 18,000 francs 
from the British Government for my nurse mess, 
laundry, and field allowance for July, and had to 
sign my name 138 times. Then I went to the 
bank and deposited the money and straightened 
out some difficulties there. That bank is so stupid, 
and makes so many mistakes ; one has to watch 
them very carefully. Then I paid a rations bill of 
£91, was picked up by the ambulance, went to 
buy a sewing machine for the nurses, and drove 
back to the hospital. 

It poured all the time, but I enjoyed being out 
in the rain, for I was properly dressed. I had on 
my heavy army boots, leather gaiters, blue serge 
uniform under my nice belted tan raincoat, and 
my blue uniform hat. My feet were not exactly 
dainty and ladylike, but they were so comfortable 
and dry. All of us who have large enough feet are 



102 FINDING THEMSELVES 

getting our shoes from the quartermaster, and 
those with small feet are bewailing their fate. 
Our paths are all mud and sharp stones, and the 
ordinary sole of a woman's regular shoe lasts 
about two weeks, and even when new does not 
prevent the stones from hurting one's feet. The 
shoe question is going to be a problem this winter. 
I started the fashion of wearing these very heavy 
army shoes, then many clamored for them ; since 
I wore leather gaiters yesterday, Major Murphy 
says he thinks I had better have all the nurses 
get them. 

Sept. 2, 1917 — Sunday : We all have rubber 
boots. Some had bought them for themselves and 
some were sent by Mrs. Whitelaw Reid. She is 
being a regular fairy godmother to us. She has 
sent me, as a personal present from her, the most 
wonderful Jaeger sleeping bag. It's a perfect 
beauty, and so soft and warm. She is sending 
sleeping bags for all the nurses, but I imagine 
not fancy ones like mine. She sent us sheets and 
pillowcases, which we were so glad to have, as we 
had been using stained old things that had been 
issued to us from the hospital supplies. She also 
has sent extra hot-water bottles, instrument kits, 
rubber aprons, rubber coats, and hats, and she 
has just written that she is going to attend to 
getting gray uniforms for us. She is Chairman of 
the London Chapter of the American Red Cross, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 103 

and is apparently much interested in the Amer- 
ican nurses that are with the British forces. 
She has just written that she will send us woolen 
spencer waists to wear under our uniforms, if I 
want them. I think I shall let her send them. 
She has also written that she would like me to 
run over to London to talk things over with her. 
I should like to go, but I am afraid I cannot, as 
Dr. Murphy is just about to go up to the front 
with a surgical team. 

I made my final trip over to the Hospital for 
Sick Sisters yesterday to see Miss S. before she goes 
to the Convalescent Home at E. She has en- 
tirely recovered, and has made a most remarkable 
record for herself and our surgeons. We shall have 
her back on duty in a very few days, probably 
about ten. 

Sept. 3d : This letter has been written at several 
different sittings, and the result is going to be 
pretty poor. Now that I have not such interest- 
ing descriptions to give you or accounts of ad- 
ventures, I am almost ashamed to send on these 
dull commonplace letters. It is a glorious, cool, 
sunny day to-day, and the hospital is not very 
heavy. I have been off duty a while, sitting under 
the trees up in our compound, reading an Atlantic 
Monthly story aloud to Ruth as she lay on a 
blanket on the ground. Her mother has just sent 
her some Centurys and the August Atlantic. We 



104 FINDING THEMSELVES 

are getting the Scribner, and Dr. Clop ton brought 
me his August Harper's Monthly, so we feel very 
rich. But for 69 American nurses these few copies 
won't go very far. In a little while the band from 
a neighboring base depot is coming to play for 
our patients. I have been trying to manage this 
for some time, and at last the day has come. 
And to-night there is to be another little dance 
in our mess. All our tables have to be taken out, 
but we keep our guests after the ball is over, and 
make them bring the tables back and help set 
them for breakfast. To-night our officers are giv- 
ing the party, and we are the guests, but in our 
mess, as that is the only possible place for danc- 
ing. We have had word from Washington that 
30 more nurses are coming to us. We shall then 
lose our V. A. D.'s, for which I shall be sorry, for 
though they are more or less of a problem, the 
advantage of having an interesting group like 
them in such close contact outweighs any diffi- 
culties I may have with them. 

We are all wonderfully well, and everything is 
well with us. In spite of all that I say about 
bands and dances and the sun shining, there is 
always the other side. Almost every day we have 
a death, if not more than one. Night before last 
a poor boy died of tetanus, and just a few days 
ago we had the sad experience of helping a poor 
mother watch her son die, oh so hard. We had 



FINDING THEMSELVES 105 

sent for her from England, and she was so glad 
to be here. She came every day from the 
Y. M. C. A. hostel, and sat by his side. He knew 
her when she first came. He had such terrible 
wounds, and he could not stand the awful infec- 
tion of them all. She was here with him all that 
last night, and when he stopped breathing about 
three o'clock, Miss Claiborne, the Surgical Night 
Supervisor, took her away to the night nurses' 
hut, a tiny place where they have their suppers 
at midnight. She made her some coffee and 
wrapped her in blankets and fixed her comfortably 
in chairs. The poor soul did not weep a tear. 
She slept till morning, then went back to her 
hostel, and slept all day, the Y. M. C. A. worker 
told us. The next day she came to get his little 
belongings. I took her down to the mortuary, 
and it was not until she saw the flowers Miss 
Watkins had put down there on him that she 
went to pieces. She went to the funeral that 
afternoon, then left, so full of gratitude to us, 
as though we had done anything. 

Sept. 3. 
Dearest Family : — 

Such a wonderful lot of letters as I've had re- 
cently. I am sending Mother's letter on to Phil. 
I have had two notes from him. He is so lucky 
in having the splendid chance he has, so near the 



106 FINDING THEMSELVES 

front. Our men envy him. I will try to keep 
close track of him, and write him often, so he 
won't feel so far away ; and if he should get sick 
or hurt, he is to have my address on him all the 
time, and I could get to him at once. I am sure I 
have sufficient pull with officials, and I should 
work it hard. He is, of course, in much more 
danger than we are here. You must realize that. 
But there are not so many dressing stations and 
field ambulances shelled or bombed. And he will 
be all right. He is lucky to be there, and I wish 
I were too. I suppose he will write you that there 
is no danger, but I want you to know the truth. 
A Clearing Station was bombed the other day, and 
people killed and an American nurse injured, and 
he is nearer the front than that Clearing Station, 
we understand. I'll let you know everything I 
know, so don't worry; and if he gets hurt, I'll 
look after him all I can. 

Loads and loads of love to you all. You must 
not think I am doing anything but exactly 
what I wanted most to do, and there is no 
heroism in that. I am very happy at being so 
much better. 

3d Canadian b. b. s. 

4th Sept., 1917. 
Dear Miss Stimson : — 

This note is on behalf of your brother, who was 



FINDING THEMSELVES 107 

admitted to-day into this hospital, slightly 
wounded in the muscles of the back by shrapnel. 
There is no cause for alarm. He will be sent 
on to the Base after a short treatment here, and 
will let you know from there how he is getting 
along. 

Yours sincerely, 

T. M. 
Chaplain. 



B. E. F. 

4-9 17 

Dear Miss Stimson : — 

I very much regret to have to inform you that 
your brother was wounded this morning, he was 
hit in the back, and I don't think it is serious; 
the piece of shell entered his back just below the 
right scapula in a slanting direction. I sent him 
on immediately to C. C. S., and I am advising 
him to try to get down to your hospital. The 
Boche began shelling our Dressing Station and we 
thought they had finished and went back to our 
tents, when he sent a parting shot — so to speak, 
which nearly got the lot of us. I think he will be 
able to write to you himself to-morrow, so there 
is no need to worry. He has proved himself a 
very good officer whilst with me, and I am very 
sorry to have to lose him, as we very rarely get 



108 FINDING THEMSELVES 

them back, once they go to the Base. I greatly 
regret that this has happened. 
Believe me, 

Very sincerely yours, 

G. H. L. H., 
Lieut. Col. 

Sept. 8, 1917. 
Dearest Mother : — 

By the time this reaches you you will have re- 
ceived my cable about Phil. I will repeat what I 
said just in case it may not have arrived safely. 
I sent it this noon. "Phil slight shrapnel wound 
right shoulder. To be brought here. Don't worry. 
Will cable often." The news came in the mail 
that came in this morning. The two inclosed 
notes were in the bunch of letters that I received. 
I read the Chaplain's first and afterwards found 
the one from the Colonel. I shall write to thank 
both these people who were so kind as to write 
me. I have been able to get a little more informa- 
tion about Phil from Major C. of the Cleveland 
Unit. Last evening Major C. telephoned me 
but I was undressed and could not go to the 
telephone. Miss Taylor took the message and 
said that Major C. just wanted to know if I 
knew where my brother was. She has told him 
that I did not know exactly, but that he was at 
some Field dressing station with a B. E. F. unit. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 109 

That was all. This morning, wondering why Major 
C. was asking about Phil, I called him up and 
had just the same conversation with the Major. 
He said he had himself just come down from the 
front and that there were a number of Americans 
up there and wasn't it pleasant for me to have 
my brother over here? I still wondered why this 
conversation, until the mail came. Then I called 
up Major C. again and asked him if he knew 
that Phil was wounded, and he said Yes ; he had 
seen him but had not wanted to tell me until I 
had been notified some other way. He said that 
Phil had been stationed not very far from where 
he was, and when he heard that he was hurt, he 
had gone over to see him. This was the morning 
after the accident. He said he saw Phil soon after 
the operation. I said operation ? and he said, "Yes, 
the usual operation removing the shrapnel pieces 
and opening up for drainage." He said Phil had 
been in a good deal of pain at the time but was 
sitting up in bed. He could not write himself as 
it was his right shoulder. He said, "I talked over 
with him about where he wanted to go and he 
said he wanted to be brought to No. 12 General." 
I broke in, "Will they allow that since this is not 
an officers' hospital?" He said, "Oh yes, if that 
is what the officer wants. They have the oppor- 
tunity to choose where they want to be sent, and 
Phil had chosen here." "Of course," Major C. 



110 FINDING THEMSELVES 

said, "this may not be final that he is to come to 
you, but I personally saw all the authorities I 
could and I think he will be brought to you very 
soon." Then he went on to say, "You may take 
it from me you need not worry about your brother's 
condition, for it is not a serious wound. It probably 
will take a long time to heal as it is a deep muscle 
wound, but there is no occasion for anxiety." I 
thanked him profusely for his kindness and hung 
up. 

Then I went to Col. Fife, who was terribly nice 
and said he would make inquiries at once about 
having Phil brought here. He told me afterwards 
that he communicated with the D. D. M. S. 
(Deputy Divisional Medical Supervisor), who is 
responsible for all the hospitals in this area, and 
now all I can do is to wait. It must be that the 
boy will be brought down on the next convoy. 
He was hurt the 4th and this is the 8th, so I may 
expect him any time. But of course he has to be 
sent on a regular ambulance train. Col. Fife 
and I talked the matter over and I told him I 
knew Phil would rather be put in one of our 
hospital tents and be taken care of here among 
his friends than be sent to any fancy officers' 
hospital. Major Murphy left this morning with 
our second Surgical team to go to the front, as 
luck would have it, but Major Clopton will give 
him every possible care when the boy gets here. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 111 

There is much interest and solicitude here in 
the camp about Phil, for his is the first real casualty 
that has happened to a relative or friend of any 
of us. When Phil gets here, if he does not feel too 
badly, he will be just spoiled to death. Major 
Clopton says that there are excellent doctors up 
at the 3d Canadian C. C. S. where he was taken. 
And Dr. Schwab spoke up and said that they have 
a good neurologist there too, and it's sure to be 
a good hospital if there's a good neurologist there. 
The other men laughed and said, " That is why this 
is such a good hospital, isn't it ? " (Dr. Schwab is 
our neurologist and is a splendid one too.) 

I have just been notified that a convoy is to be 
prepared for at 1 a.m. and I shall be on hand to 
meet it on the chance that Phil may come in it. 
I shall leave this letter open until after the convoy 
is in. 

I cabled because I was so afraid the English 
authorities might send a message to you, and 
any way I was sure you had rather know the exact 
facts always just as soon as possible. I shall be so 
relieved when the boy gets here and I can look 
after him. For when he is once here, he will get 
as good care as he could get in any place in the 
world. I'm so glad I'm a nurse and am here. 
Isn't it wonderful for me to be here ? 

P.S. Phil did not come on the convoy last night. 
I saw Major C, who said that Phil was to re- 



112 FINDING THEMSELVES 

ceive every care, because he had spoken to the 
officers in charge of him and had identified him 
and told them who he was. 

Sept. 10, 1917. 

Monday. 
Dearest Mother : — 

Another day has gone and I have not made 
much progress about getting Philip here. After 
much telephoning and pulling wires we have found 
out that Phil has been sent to No. 20 General 
Hospital at E. and is likely to be transferred 
to England. I am going to raise the roof to-day — 
to see if I can't go there to see the D. D. M. S. of 
that area and see why the boy can't be brought 
here. I am going to do everything possible before 
I give up, and anyway I shall see him, for if he 
gets sent to England, I shall go over. I was going 
anyway next week, as Mrs. Whitelaw Reid had 
written for me to come over about uniforms, etc. 
and Major Murphy and Col. Fife had said they 
thought I ought to go, so I'll go anyway if Phil 
gets sent over there, but probably not if I can 
get him here. All reports are that his condition is 
good. 

It just occurred to me that you may not have 
received my letter of the 8th — telling all I know 
about his injury. The inclosed notes were my 
original information. I will cable just as soon as 



FINDING THEMSELVES 113 

I know anything more definite. You poor old 
dears — you'll be so shocked by my cable just 
as I was by these notes Saturday. I felt sick at 
my stomach all day after getting them. But don't 
you worry, Phil is strong and he will get well fast. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

Sept. 19, 1917. 

You cannot imagine how much my mind is at 
rest, for I have Phil here with me and everything 
is all right. After waiting and waiting for some 
word as to the chances of bringing him down from 
C, on Saturday last, the 15th, I called the Aide 
of the D. D. M. S., and asked him to see what 
he could do for me. On Sunday he telephoned 
that he had learned that Phil was not able to 
travel, but that I could have an ambulance and go 
up Monday morning, the 17th, and see the boy. It 
was necessary to send an ambulance up to N. to 
bring a Chinaman up to the British hospital for 
Chinese that is there. I was told I could take an 
officer with me if I wanted to and if we found 
Phil well enough to travel, we could bring him 
down. So I asked Capt. Veeder to go with me, 
and Col. Fife gave us both two days' leave of 
absence. It is about 130 miles to C. We left at 
10 a.m., and I took with me all the things that 
we might possibly need if we were to bring Philip 



114 FINDING THEMSELVES 

back, extra pillows, a feeding cup, thermos, hypo- 
dermic set, etc., etc. 

We had a beautiful trip up. The country for 
two thirds of the way is most lovely and the day 
was beautiful. Both Capt. Veeder and I sat on 
the front seat with the driver. The car was a 
great big regular ambulance that can be used to 
carry four stretcher cases. The shelves for the 
two upper cases can be hooked up. We made very 
good time. Had dinner at a little hotel in E., 
stopped twenty minutes to say hello to our friends 
of the Philadelphia Unit, had our tea en route from 
the lunch box we brought from here, dropped our 
Chinaman at N., and dashed on along the coast 
and reached C. about 6 : 30. 

We went to the Chicago Unit's hospital and 
were taken in most cordially by Miss Urch, the 
chief nurse, and Capt. Veeder by Col. Collins, the 
Commanding Officer. They told us that 20 Gen- 
eral was just next door, and that Phil was getting 
along finely. Col. Collins had seen him. He said 
he thought we could take him back with us and 
that we would go down to see him right after 
dinner. Meanwhile he would send word that I was 
coming. 

After dinner he escorted us through the pitch- 
black darkness to the hospital. On account of 
recent air raids they have no outside light at night 
and no unshaded inside. The result is very spooky. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 115 

Ten days or so ago the Boche had flown over and 
dropped some bombs on those hospitals, killing a 
doctor from Boston, attached to the Peter Bent 
Brigham Unit which is at C. also, and right next 
door to the Chicago Unit and their officers' hos- 
pital where Phil was. Several other people had 
been hurt, some doctors and enlisted men. I saw 
a crater made by one of the shells. Phil was sitting 
propped up in bed and he seemed mighty glad to 
see me. He had no temperature and the M. 0. 
said I could take him the next day : so we told 
them to have him ready at 10 a.m., and left. 
He did not look very badly, and, although his 
back is very painful when he moves and he finds 
it difficult to stay in one position very long, we 
could tell that the trip down would really not do 
him any greater harm than to tire him very much. 
There was no danger of hemorrhage. 

Then we went back to No. 12 Unit and were 
each of us given the greatest hospitality. I had 
my first tub bath since I left London, though I 
took it by the light of my electric torch. The 
quarters up there are better than ours, but our 
location is much better than any of the others 
that we saw. We came back even more satisfied 
with our station than we were when we left. 
We got a good start in the morning, having the 
personal attention of Col. Patterson of the Boston 
Unit and Col. Collins of the Chicago Unit and the 



116 FINDING THEMSELVES 

M. O. of the 20 General and several other people. 
The pillows that we fitted around Phil's back 
made it quite bearable for him, and frequent 
turnings and readjustments and feedings and 
pleasant converse made the hours go pretty 
rapidly. Capt. Veeder spelled me on sitting inside 
on the little hard seat between the two stretcher 
places. It was fearfully dusty, but I had plenty 
of nice cloths and could keep the boy fairly 
comfortable. We stopped for lunch coming back 
at E. Capt. Veeder and I went inside to see 
about ordering and to let Phil rest quietly a few 
minutes while we had our lunch. We were near 
the window of the dining-room, when suddenly I 
saw the wife of the inn-keeper climbing into the 
ambulance with a large loaf of bread in one hand 
and a plate of something in the other. I rushed 
out to stop her and pulled her out looking quite 
horrified and saying "beaucoup malade." Phil 
had wakened up from a little nap and was con- 
vulsed to see her standing there holding out the 
loaf of bread to him. I took the food back inside 
and in a few minutes the Captain and I fed him 
comfortably with a nice little audience standing 
around with much curiosity. Then we went on our 
way, stopping once more about 4 to get some hot 
tea and to have a little lunch. 

We reached here at 6 : 45 and really I don't 
think Phil was much the worse for wear except 



FINDING THEMSELVES 117 

very dirty and pretty tired. Col. Fife and Major 
Clopton met us and made arrangements to have 
him put in an empty tent, so the stretcher bearers 
pulled him out of the ambulance and carried him 
in and we got him into a nice, clean, comfortable 
bed, and you can imagine he was pretty glad to 
get there. His dinner was soon sent down to him 
from the officers' mess and he was cleaned up 
just enough to make him comfortable. Major 
Clopton decided not to do his dressing until the 
next morning, but to let him rest. He had a fairly 
comfortable night, he said, sleeping at intervals, 
but he had not been sleeping well before he left 
C. The next morning his temperature was only 
99.6, so you see the trip really did not do him any 
harm. When Major Clopton dressed him at 10, 
I went down to watch. He has what to you would 
appear to be a pretty nasty wound, but what 
compared to so many of the things we see here 
is really a very small matter. A jagged piece of 
shell about an inch long entered just below the 
lower angle of his right shoulder blade and tore 
right down through the muscles to the sacro- 
iliac joint, which is where the pelvic bones join 
the spine. It did not injure his spine at all, for 
he can move very well except that he has pain. 
The doctors at the Clearing Station opened up the 
whole tract almost, which was of course necessary 
for free drainage. 



118 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Phil said that after the dressing the wound felt 
very much more comfortable. He eats finely and 
is now having the time of his life, having all his old 
friends visit him and make much of him. I have 
not had much time to talk with him since I have 
been back, for of course there was accumulated work 
for me to attend to, but I am so relieved to have 
him here it does not matter whether I have time 
to spend with him or not. I have seen that he has 
plenty of magazines and picture puzzles to do, 
and he has been reading to-day all the letters 
from the various members of the family that I 
have received in the past month, and also the 
copies of all my letters to you all. I shall see him 
to-night probably. We shall have him up in a 
chair out in the sun to-morrow ; in fact he may 
have been out to-day. He is occupying a tent 
alone although there are 13 other beds in the 
tent where he is. I have said that he does not 
need to stay alone, but while we are light it can 
easily be managed. He has a convalescent patient 
as his personal servant, a "blue boy," as we call 
them, a "light duty patient" who is so proud 
because he has an officer to wait on. There are 
American orderlies in his division of course, but 
the blue boy fetches his meals and putters over 
him, etc. Of course my nurses are in charge. 

I brought all his kit and belongings down 
with him in the ambulance. I have his metal 



FINDING THEMSELVES 119 

helmet hanging here in my office. You can't 
really imagine what a narrow escape he had 
until you see the dent in the edge of the thick 
steel hat that was made by the piece of shell. 
It broke the edge and made a curved dent 
about an inch wide. It is a perfect miracle he 
was not killed. It was the helmet that saved his 
life. He is so marvelously fortunate, for no perma- 
nent damage has been done, and Major Clopton 
does not think he will have any permanent dis- 
ability, and he might so easily have been killed 
or paralyzed by that little piece of shell. 

Friday, Sept. 28, 1917. 

Yesterday afternoon I was writing a little note 
here in my office when I heard the bugles sound 
for calling the convoy party and I finished my 
note saying, there comes the convoy we have 
been expecting and I must get busy. I must tell 
you how busy we got. It is now a little more than 
24 hours later. On my way to the receiving tents I 
met a sergeant, who said to me that the men coming 
in were in very bad shape. They were being carried 
out from the receiving tents as fast as possible, 
after their cards had been made out and their 
throats examined for diphtheria suspects. We 
have had a lot of diphtheria brought to us and a 
number of our own people have caught it. We 
now have four nurses away in the contagious 



120 FINDING THEMSELVES 

hospital near here, one has diphtheria and the 
other three had positive throats without any 
clinical symptoms, so they just have to be kept 
away from everybody until they are negative. 
So all suspected throats are isolated in a special 
line until cultures can be made and examined. 

Capt. Rainey, who is Acting Chief of the 
Surgical Service in the absence of Major Murphy, 
and Major Clopton, spoke to me in the tents and 
said we have a big night's work ahead of us, for 
many of these men will have to be operated on at 
once. They have had nothing done to them but 
their first-aid dressings and they are in pretty 
bad shape. He then asked me to go with a special 
case that was in very bad condition and see that 
he got a saline stimulation at once. This boy, a 
head case, was scheduled for Line B, tent 2, and 
as I went into the tent with the stretcher bearers, 
another patient was being brought in by two more 
bearers. The nurse spoke up and said that she 
had only one empty bed. It was apparent then 
that the assigner had made a mistake. I told the 
bearers to put their patients down on the floor, 
and giving a hurried glance at the other patient 
and a hasty feel of his pulse, I decided that my 
patient was in the poorer condition, so I got the 
bearers to put him into the empty bed and sent 
one of the other carriers back to the receiving 
tent for instructions about the other man. Mean- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 121 

while I got things started for the saline subcu- 
taneous infusion. In a couple of minutes, the 
bearer came back and said he had been told to 
put his patient in the nearest vacant bed and 
report later where he had put him. We had a 
vacant bed in B 2, so we carried him in there 
and got him into bed. We asked the man if he 
could help himself at all as he was huge, and there 
is always great difficulty lifting patients off of the 
stretchers because there is so little space between 
the beds and the two carriers can't do much more 
than hold the stretcher at the bed level. Mrs. 
Hausmann, the Supervisor, came along just that 
moment, and an up-patient; when the patient 
said it was his back that was hurt and he could not 
help himself, we knew then how to proceed and 
between us we lifted him on his blanket and got 
him on the bed until the bearers could put down 
their stretcher and then help us get the blanket 
out and make him comfortable. While doing this 
I noticed that one of his legs was crossed over the 
other and I straightened it out and saw big purple 
spots where they had been in contact. Realizing 
from this that they had been crossed a long time, 
we discovered that he was totally paralyzed from 
his waist down. On his card it said " Penetrating 
wound of spine, not operated on." 

The poor fellow immediately went off into heavy 
sleep, as they almost always do, they are so glad 



122 FINDING THEMSELVES 

to stop being jiggled, and I went to report to 
Capt. Rainey and to get extra operating-room 
nurses ready. We had taken in 130 patients from 
that convoy, but every one is immediately ex- 
amined by the staff men who make their report 
to Capt. Rainey, who in no time had a list of 
15 needing immediate operation. 

A steady stream of patients is carried into the 
X-ray room and from there either directly to the 
operating room or back to their tents. The plates 
are developed almost immediately and are ex- 
amined while wet and stuck up in improvised 
holders on the windows of the operating room. 
They all showed foreign bodies and often bubbles, 
indicating the dreaded infection by the "gas 
bacillus, " which causes such dreadful gas gangrene. 
All these cases have to be opened up and the 
necrotic tissue cleaned out. Then we began in 
the operating room. Miss Taylor was on duty in 
the office, so I was free to help in the operating 
room. The supervisors were each on their side of 
the hospital, and the nurses were all getting the 
poor creatures as comfortable as possible. One 
patient who was too far gone from bloodlessness 
to stand operation was made as comfortable as 
possible and the minister sent for; they were all 
given tea and partially bathed. This was about 
4 : 30 p.m. Then we began in the operating room, 
taking out foreign bodies and incising and drain- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 123 

ing. I scrubbed up and helped, not so much be 
cause they needed me but because I wanted to be 
in it. We kept three tables going all the time. 
The medical students gave ether and even some 
of the medical men were helping. Out in the little 
hall there were always three or four patients on 
stretchers on the floor. My friend, Dr. (Sgt.) 
Voorsanger, the Rabbi, was in charge of the 
records and stretcher bearers and worked like a 
Trojan. We took pieces of shell out of necks, 
hips, knees, skulls, ankles, shoulders, and out of 
the spine of my poor paralyzed man. Some of the 
men took the ether badly and screamed and 
fought and cursed; some thought they were in 
the battle and called out to their comrades "There 
go the 61st, after them, after them." But most of 
them took it pretty quietly and just went off to 
sleep. 

About 7 o'clock a message came in from the 
connecting "Theatre Hut," a ward at the other 
end of the hut, where the operating room is, that 
a man who had had a fearful hemorrhage from the 
wound in his shoulder that morning was very 
much worse. It was decided to transfuse him, a 
complicated job under the very best of circum- 
stances. An up-patient was sought to volunteer 
to be the donor of the blood, and promised as a 
reward that he would be sent to England and not 
back to the Base (how good a promise I do not 



124 FINDING THEMSELVES 

know, but at least he might get a glimpse of 
Blighty for a few days if our men send him there, 
but of course if found fit there, he would be sent 
back to the front). He was brought, wide-eyed 
and wondering, into the brilliant, messy operating 
room filled with strangely garbed and bustling 
people and put on a table and his arm prepared. 
Some doctors got busy with him and I went with 
another doctor to get ready the vein in the pa- 
tient's arm. In a few minutes we were ready and 
the other doctors came to insert the tiny point of 
their glass tube into the hole in the vein we had 
ready. A nurse was holding a droplight over 
the bed, another nurse was holding the arm, a 
doctor was adjusting the tourniquet so that the 
vein would show up well, then the two men who 
were working were bending over the arm, I was 
handing them instruments, for I was scrubbed 
up, since everything must be sterile. The patient 
was just gasping, rapidly growing worse, but the 
point went in successfully and the blood began 
to flow into his vein, when all the lights went 
out and the patient stopped breathing! 

I knew where a whole batch of candles had been 
put for use at the next air raid alarm, so I dashed 
for them, knowing I could get them more quickly 
than by sending any one. They were not far away. 
In about two minutes we had candles stuck on 
every available spot, and the operating teams who 



FINDING THEMSELVES 125 

had to stop dead and wait, began to go on. The 
orderly who was working over a miserable acety- 
lene lamp which is supposed to be all right for 
emergencies, finally got it going. It is quite all 
right for emergencies if you have about ten minutes 
in which to start it. A couple of oil lanterns were 
brought and given to the patients who were on the 
floor in the hall to hold, so that they would not be 
stepped on. The ether bottles were moved as far 
away from the candles as possible so that we 
would not have an explosion to add to our diffi- 
culties, the doctors came in from working over 
the dead man, and we all "carried on." It was 
now near eight, and Capt. Rainey said when 
these cases are finished that are on the tables, 
we will stop for dinner. A couple of nurses who 
had had their dinner reported just about then 
and we set them to cleaning instruments and 
boiling and fixing up. The others of us went up 
to a belated supper by candle light. The night 
nurse and orderly for the theatre hut came on 
duty just in time to help with the gruesome duty 
to be done there, and supper was kept for the 
day nurses from there when they should be able 
to get off. 

By 8 : 30 we were back again refreshed by 
scrambled eggs and coffee. The operations con- 
tinued till 3 a.m. I sent one day nurse off about 
10, because I knew she would have to have a full 



128 FINDING THEMSELVES 

day to-day and would need to be at her prepara- 
tions early. Another nurse and I left at 1 : 30 
after getting some of the night nurses' supper 
which I had ordered heavily reenforced. Another 
nurse left at 3 and one stayed all night. In these 
last 24 hours there must have been 34 operations. 
I haven't the exact list here. I was on duty here 
in the office at 9 : 15 a.m. Two nurses did not 
come on until noon, and the one who was up all 
night (as well as being up all day yesterday too, 
though not working, as she was just coming off 
night duty and had expected to sleep that night) 
has been sleeping all day. I have just been 
notified that 160 more are to be brought to us 
at 6 a.m. to-morrow. That 6 a.m. will mean some 
time during the morning, for the convoys are 
almost always several hours after they are 
scheduled. 

One of the night Supervisors has just been 
telling me that last night, after that patient 
died, before he had been taken out, he was of 
course behind the screens, the patient in the 
next bed said to her, "Sister, is my pal all right ? 
I haven't heard him speak for some time," and 
she had to tell him what had happened. But 
only this one and that very bad one have died so 
far. 

It is now Sunday afternoon, Sept. 30. We 
are having a little respite from our busyness and 



FINDING THEMSELVES 127 

no convoys have been received since yesterday 
morning when we received 140. The doctors are 
getting a little well-earned rest, and the nurses, 
who have not lost so much sleep as the doctors, 
are catching up with their work on the wards. 
Operations were going on in the operating room 
till 1 : 30 again last night, but to-day there have 
been none, but there has been much sterilizing, 
glove mending, and preparing of supplies. 

It is a beautiful sunny afternoon, and we would 
hardly believe that this morning, up to almost 
noon, it was so cold that everybody was complain- 
ing of the cold. 

I have just had orders to have my next nurse 
ready to go up to the front with a surgical team. 
They will probably go in a couple of days, three 
men and one woman. It was my turn to go with 
this team, but a few days ago Col. Fife told me 
he would not let me go. I am tremendously dis- 
appointed because I wanted above all things to 
go. I want the great interest and excitement of 
the work, which is hard but thrilling; operating 
16 hours on end, then off for 8 hours. These are 
the hours while the rush is on. Then I wanted to 
find out how I would react to real danger. I 
can't ever remember being frightened, and every- 
body who goes to a C. C. S. admits that he or she 
is frightened most of the time, and especially 
when there are raids, and bombs and shells are 



128 FINDING THEMSELVES 

dropping about. Of course these are just selfish 
reasons, but there were others too. I think Miss 
Taylor could run my affairs perfectly satis- 
factorily in my absence for a month. But now 
I must wait. We learn to do that with con- 
siderable success in the army. I hate to let 
the nurse I have appointed for this team go. 
When the first one went up, we did not know 
much about what it meant, but since she has 
come back to us, we know more. Also Phil's 
accounts have been enlightening. But it is her 
turn to go. She is ready, has had all the prepara- 
tions, and she is most eager to go, so I must not 
make any change in the schedule, but we shall 
all miss her and be worried about her until she 
gets back to us. All the teams have a two days' 
ambulance ride to begin with, then when they 
get there, they have to pretty much rough it. 
They take their cots and blankets and sleep in 
bell tents. When they have air-raid signals, they 
all have to lie down flat on their stomachs wher- 
ever they may be. One of our teams had a special 
hole in a cemetery they had to hop into all the 
time. Phil's fellow officers had a little drainage 
ditch full of mud that was their hiding-place. 

I suppose that long before this you have learned 
that our Unit was not bombed. There seems to 
have been an official confusion between ours and 
the Chicago names. Officially, until it can be 



FINDING THEMSELVES 129 

changed, we are the "No. 12 (St. Louis XL S. A.) 
General Hospital." You see Chicago was Amer- 
ican Base Hospital No. 12 to begin with, and it 
is easy to see how the confusion arose. They are 
18 General Hospital, B. E. F. 

I have been sitting with Phil out in the sun- 
shine beside his tent. He has not had much atten- 
tion paid him lately, neither from me nor the 
surgeons, but he has not needed it. He is getting 
along slowly but well. I saw his dressing yester- 
day, the first time for ten days, and I could see a 
great improvement. He is not being allowed to 
walk more than the few steps to his chair, and 
I find he has not much desire to. He is anxious 
to get back to work, but he won't be able to do 
much for a long time. He is now finding out 
how closely his legs are hitched to his back. 

I meant to tell you about a curious little in- 
cident that happened on our trip to C. I told 
you we escorted a sick Chinaman up to the 
British Hospital for Chinese at N. Dr. Veeder 
had been given the envelope he was to turn over 
to the authorities of the hospital. When we 
arrived just outside the hospital compound and 
stopped, a British sergeant came out to help the 
patient out of the ambulance and a lot of blue- 
hospital-garbed Chinesers gathered around to see 
what was doing. Capt. Veeder and I had gotten 
out to stretch our legs and were standing by the 



130 FINDING THEMSELVES 

tail of the ambulance. Dr. Veeder handed the 
papers to the sergeant, who opened the envelope, 
read the paper twice with a puzzled look, then burst 
into roars of laughter. He handed the paper back 
to Capt. Veeder, and this is what we read : " 6 
cups, enamel, spitting." It was an "indent" for 
some necessary supplies that had been put in the 
envelope and addressed to the C. O. of the hospital 
instead of the transfer papers of the poor Chink. 
Fortunately we did not have to take him on with 
us, as he was properly tagged himself. It's a com- 
fort to me to know that even the British Army 
can sometimes make mistakes. 

Next week, not this week, Thursday, I am ex- 
pecting to go up to Paris to attend the first con- 
ference of American Chief Nurses in France. 
There are about sixteen of us, and Miss Russell, 
the representative of the American Red Cross Nurs- 
ing Service, has asked us to meet with her in Paris. 
It ought to be good fun to get together and com- 
pare notes after four months of this life, and we 
ought to get some really definitely useful sugges- 
tions from our getting together. 

There are to be various festivities of a heavy 
and enlightening sort. I think the little change 
will do me good, as I find I am a bit tired. The 
London trip is off, since Philip is here with me, 
and this Paris one is on. I am asking for five 
days' leave, but if things here continue to be as 



FINDING THEMSELVES 131 

heavy as they are now, I shall not stay the five 
days. 

When a page stops abruptly at the bottom of 
the sheet and there is no proper ending, don't 
be worried that something has been taken out 
by the censor. It often happens that when I 
have finished a sheet I have to stop and don't 
try to wind things up properly, though I usually 
try to put in a few personal remarks at the end 
on a separate piece of paper, and answer questions 
from letters, etc. 

Now I must close, so good-by for now. 

With loads and loads of love from us both. 

Jule. 

Rouen, October 9, 1917. 

It is so good to be back at work and with my 
own people again. I could not lay down my 
responsibilities for that short time I was in Paris, 
and I could not help thinking about everything 
here all the time and wondering about everybody, 
so it wasn't so very restful, and then when I 
got back last night, I found it so restful to be 
back, and all day with all the many things to do 
I have been peaceful and contented and so very 
glad to be back. I just wish you could have 
seen this place last night when I arrived in the 
pouring rain and pitch blackness. Our train got 



132 FINDING THEMSELVES 

in about 8. My telegram had not been received 
and there was no ambulance to meet us and 
there are never any taxis to be had at the station. 
The station was full of poilus going out, and as 
the R. T. 0. (Royal Transport Officer) had his 
hands full, I didn't have the heart to ask 
him to telephone for our ambulance for us. I 
could not. So we decided to try a tram to the 
quay and there hoped for a taxi. It was still 
pouring but finally we got on to a tram with all 
our bags and bundles and at the quay we had the 
very good luck of catching the only taxi which 
just tore us out here to the camps. At the gate 
of our quarters I got out in the mud and waded 
through the darkness to the door of my own 
room, and how good the old place looked. To 
an outsider I imagine it would have looked like 
the abomination of desolation, the camp and 
our quarters. For it was so dark, and the rain 
was pouring down and there were such pools of 
water everywhere, and only such weak glimmer- 
ings of light here and there. As Miss Taylor had 
not come up from the office, I stopped just long 
enough to get my rubber boots, rubber hat, and 
coat. My big great coat was soaked through. 
Then I paddled happily off to talk things over 
with Miss Taylor. The hospital had been very, 
very busy all the time I was away, but everything 
had gone smoothly. We have over 1200 patients. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 133 

Then afterwards I went down to see Philip. He 
was no longer in a tent alone, as the hospital had 
become so busy it had been necessary to fill up 
the beds in his tent. As he was on the shell shock 
line the cases with him were not bad surgical 
cases. We had a nice talk over in his corner and 
read the letters that had come for both him and 
me in my absence. 

It has been raining here every day for the past 
ten days and is very cold. We all are wearing 
sweaters and all our heavy things. The dampness 
is so penetrating. The sweater Mother and Bab 
made arrived safely and is exactly right. I have 
it on this moment and shall probably not take it 
off until it falls apart. The bloomers are very 
nice too and I think will be useful with the serge 
uniform in rainy weather when I pin my skirt 
up. We are soon to have gray wash uniforms, 
which will be much more suitable than these 
white ones, but they won't be so very much 
warmer. We are to have "spencers" or "woollies" 
to wear under them. 

Phil has now been moved into a bell tent which 
was an office of Dr. Schwab's. It is a tiny little 
affair, but looked most cozy last night when I was 
down to say goodnight to Phil. The rain was pour- 
ing down on the canvas with a pleasant sound and 
coming through the opening on the wood floor, 
but Phil was as warm and comfortable as can be. 



134 FINDING THEMSELVES 

He has no electric light, but my candle lantern 
held on his lap not only makes sufficient light to 
read by but warms his hands. This cold is no joke. 
I suppose we shall get used to it, but these first 
days of it are very trying. 

My children at the front are having such won- 
derful times. They are working terribly hard, 
sleeping with helmets over their faces and enamel 
basins on their stomachs, washing in the water 
they had in their hot-water bags because water 
is so scarce, operating fourteen hours at a stretch, 
drinking quantities of tea because there is no 
coffee and nothing else to drink, wearing men's 
ordnance socks under their stockings, trying to 
keep their feet warm in the frosty operating 
rooms at night, and both seeing and doing such 
surgical work as they never in their wildest 
days dreamed of, but all the time unafraid and 
unconcerned with the whistling, banging shells 
exploding around them. Oh, they are fine! 
One need never tell me that women can't do as 
much, stand as much, and be as brave as men. 
And to-morrow another of my finest goes up, 
keen as keen to do her bit and only hoping she 
will be equal to it. It's Miss Claiborne to-morrow. 
She is packing her things to-night after a hard 
day in the operating room here. First, she has a 
long, difficult trip, then plunges into the maelstrom 
up there. Five more went for the gas training to- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 135 

day to be ready to substitute if any of the nurses 
at the front have to be relieved for sickness or 
accident. And all these five are just pawing the 
air for a chance to be sent up, even after knowing 
all they do about what it is like up there, and in 
all this cold. And oh, how I want to go myself. 

Our meeting in Paris was very pleasant, and 
worth while too. There were thirteen of us Chief 
Nurses there. Six are with the B. E. F. and the 
others with the American Forces. They, the latter, 
have not had any real work yet. Some of us 
Britishers could not help laughing when some of 
the others said they were beginning to be right 
busy as they had about a hundred patients ! The 
night before I left here we admitted over £00. 
To-night on several lines one nurse and one orderly 
are taking care of over 100 patients (not the 
sickest). We have so many awfully sick patients 
now. But to go back to the meetings, we had 
lots of things to discuss. We sent back to Wash- 
ington suggestions about uniforms and equip- 
ment. We decided on what we wanted for dis- 
tinguishing marks for Chief Nurses, black bands 
on the white caps and red bands on the cuffs of 
the uniforms. We had to take up the matter of 
the Army Efficiency Records, which were open to 
many interpretations. Then matters of social life, 
dancing, going out with officers, leaves, a hotel in 
Paris, etc., were talked over. The question of 



136 FINDING THEMSELVES] 

dancing is a very warm one. The English nurses 
in military hospitals are not allowed to dance. 
Some of us think our nurses should be allowed to 
do it for their good and the good of our own 
officers. The question was left over unsettled until 
our next meeting in February. It will now go on 
according to the ideas of the heads of each Unit. 

Mrs. Sharp, the wife of the American Ambassa- 
dor, entertained us at dinner elaborately. The 
Lyceum Club gave us a reception, after an open 
meeting when we heard of the Red Cross baby 
work, tuberculosis schemes, surgical dressings, 
division, etc. I saw several very nice people that 
I know, and had various meals and doings with 
them, so the time we were not at meetings went 
very pleasantly. It is surprising how one can en- 
joy fancy food when one gets it, even though all 
along you have been thinking that food is very 
unimportant. I noticed that lobster and sweet- 
breads and souffles and oysters, and once, really, 
corn on the cob, made a pretty big hit with me. 
But all the same I was so awfully glad to get 
back to my job. The day to-day has been pretty 
full of problems and I am a bit tired, so I guess 
I'd better turn in. 

Phil had a nice little walk to-day in his clothes, 
but he is pretty well used up to-night after a long, 
mean dressing done in the operating room, from 
which he walked back alone, which he should not 



FINDING THEMSELVES 137 

have done, but insisted to his nurses that he 
wished to do. I am furious that I was not on 
hand to prevent it. But he was warm and cozy 
and comfortably reading in bed awhile ago when 
I went to say good night. This is not much of a 
letter, but it must go as it is, I think, without 
waiting for additions. 

Thanks so much for the book and for your 
dear letters. "Carry On" is wonderful, and we 
love to read such things over here. I'm lending 
it around now. Bab's music came to-day ; it was 
dear of her to send it. It has been played already 
with much success. The violin is such a comfort. 
I played last evening right straight through the 
book. I've never enjoyed playing so much before. 

Oceans of love, 

Julie. 

Sunday evening, October 14. 

Dearest Dad and Mother : — 

Miss Taylor and I are in our cozy office waiting 
for the time for the evening report, which won't 
be for about half an hour yet. We have both been 
to first supper and will now rest ourselves a little 
for this half hour. She has decided to do a picture 
puzzle. I wish you all could see how nice our 
office is. We have the tiniest coal stove that ever 
existed, and yet it is just the right size for this 
place. We have been having a fire in it for the 



138 FINDING THEMSELVES 

past few days, for it has been very cold and raining 
almost every day. An orderly with a lantern has 
just come in out of the darkness to tell us that 
sixty cases are on the way to the hospital now and 
sixty more are coming at midnight. We are just 
about full to capacity, but every day we send out 
some, so every day we can take more in. I have 
been off duty a couple of hours late this after- 
noon, the first time off since I got back from Paris 
last Tuesday. 

Phil, who is walking a little with me every day, 
came up to our mess for tea this afternoon and 
afterwards I walked with him around the race 
track. He was pretty glad to get back to bed after 
this rather lengthy expedition. His wound is very 
nearly closed. It has done remarkably well. After 
I left him being put to bed by the nice convalescent 
patient who looks after him, I went down to the 
evening service in the Y. M. C. A. hut, the Sun- 
day evening Episcopal service that comes just 
before the Non-conformist service. 

Dean Davis conducted the service, and how I 
wished that some of his St. Louis parishioners 
could have seen him. His audience in that rough 
hut was about 200 convalescent patients in their 
blue suits, with heads or arms bandaged, or 
coughing, coughing the way so many of our poor 
gassed men cough. There were a few English 
Sisters and V. A. D.'s there, but I was the only 



FINDING THEMSELVES 139 

American, this evening. I wish you could hear 
these men sing. There is nothing like the singing 
that I've heard the Tommies do. Their deep voices 
singing in unison, and with great earnestness 
such words as "Plenteous grace with thee is 
found, Grace to cleanse from every sin, Let the 
healing streams abound, Make and keep me pure 
within," can never be forgotten. The Dean spoke 
briefly, but right out from the shoulder to them 
from that chapter in the letter to the Ephesians 
about, "Lie not, for ye are members one of another, 
and let him that stole, steal no more but rather 
let him work, that he may have wherewith to 
give to him that hath need," etc. There was more 
about tenderness, and growing in grace. 

Speaking of tenderness, I have never in all my 
life seen such tenderness as these men show to 
each other. If you could see, as we so often see, 
men with horrible leg injuries reaching way over 
to feed the man in the bed next to them, who 
may have arm injuries and be helpless. And 
always the up-patients are so good to the bed- 
ridden ones. Our hospital simply could not run 
without the help of the patients themselves. 
They fetch and carry and bathe and scrub and 
hold legs and arms for dressings, and joke and 
jolly each other along till it would break your 
heart, for they themselves are sick men. For our 
up-patients here have been mighty sick or they 



140 FINDING THEMSELVES 

would have been sent on to England, unless they 
are some of the few that are going back to the 
Convalescent Camp and from there back into the 
lines. So often, too, we see a man reach way over 
from his bed to give his neighbor a puff at his 
cigarette. 

I have felt so rich recently, for I got such a 
wonderful lot of letters, all in one batch. How I 
did enjoy them. All the family ones I took right 
down to read with Phil in his little tent. We had a 
regular orgy. $ 

It's now Friday, the 18th, and such a lovely 
day as it has been, clear and sunny and cold. I 
had a little walk with Ruth just after lunch and 
it reminded us of November days at home, ex- 
cept for what we saw. For all we saw was camps, 
camps, camps and soldiers of every sort. We did 
not have time to go beyond the area of camps, but 
off in the distance we could see the lovely ridges 
that make the edge of this little basin that Rouen 
is in. When we came back, I walked a few minutes 
with Phil. It takes a long time for his strength 
to come back, poor boy. He is awfully good and 
patient and as little trouble as a person could be. 
I think he is a little depressed to-day by his feeling 
of mimsiness, and the being out of things. He 
finds it harder to be up a little every day, for, as 
he says, when he is dressed he looks like every one 
else, and then he can't do like them at all. When 



FINDING THEMSELVES 141 

he was in bed all the time, he did not mind his 
incapacitation so much. Now is the time that 
he needs petting and amusing and fussing over. 
His injury was no little thing and he is being a 
marvel of goodness about it all, but it is beastly 
hard for him, to have to hang around and wait 
to get strong. After a little while I am going to 
see what can be done about convalescence in 
some better place. It is hard to know whether 
a convalescent home for officers in the south of 
France, alone without his friends and me, would 
do him more good than these plain doings and 
all of us. When he can get about a bit more, he 
will find it more interesting; for then I can go 
down town to meals with him and take walks, 
and he can do those things with other people too. 
He has had a hard experience, but it is doing 
big things for him, I can see that plainly. I am 
so glad he is here with me. I can never be grateful 
enough. 

Our great busyness has continued all week 
though we have not been quite full to the limit. 
On Monday last, Major Murphy and his team, 
and Capt. Post and his team, returned from their 
Clearing Stations. Each team had one nurse. I 
wish so much you could know what those people 
have been doing and going through. You really 
would hardly believe their tales. They are all 
absolutely tired out. Major Murphy seems to be 



142 FINDING THEMSELVES 

in the best condition, but he said he was dread- 
fully tired. The nurses are almost all in. We made 
them stay in bed 36 hours and have started them 
off on the easiest places we could find for them. 
But it will take a good many weeks, I am afraid, 
before they will sleep properly and not dream 
about stopping hemorrhages, and stop smelling 
the smells they smelled up there. What with the 
steam, the ether, and the filthy clothes of the men, 
which they had to cut off before they could begin 
to start, the odor in the operating room was so 
terrible that it was all that any of them could do 
to keep from being sick. One of my nurses was 
sick at her stomach all night long the first night 
she worked there, and just ran in and out all 
night, but kept right on with her work, though she 
says that if she lives to be a hundred and fifty 
years old, she will never forget that night. One 
doctor and one nurse work at each table and you 
can imagine what surgical work the nurse has to 
do, no mere handing of instruments and sponges, 
but sewing and tying up and putting in drains 
while the doctor takes the next piece of shell out 
of another place. Then after fourteen hours of 
this, with freezing feet, to a meal of tea and 
bread and jam, and off to rest if you can in a 
wet bell tent in a damp bed without sheets, after 
a wash with a cupful of water. 

The trip down from the front was very hard. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 143 

They all came by train this time. One team after 
a long train trip arrived at a fair-sized coast town 
at 2 p.m. The doctor tried to get a room at the 
hotel for the nurse, who was dead with cold and 
fatigue, but all the rooms had been taken by 
officers going through on their way to posts. 
Their train was to go out at one a.m., so the doctor 
only wanted the room for the evening for this 
nurse. Finally the proprietor said he would let 
the nurse have the room of an officer who had 
gone out for the evening but he was expected in 
at twelve. But that seemed fine, so the nurse 
had a little rest in this man's room, but at twelve 
was called, for the officer had come back and was 
waiting outside the door. The rest of the night 
she sat up in a freezing French railway carriage, 
the only woman with her doctor, her two orderlies, 
and two Tommies. The Tommies and the orderlies 
piled up on each other and went sound to sleep, 
but she and the doctor waggled and jolted through 
the ^miserable, damp, cold night. They reached 
here at one o'clock the next afternoon, and really 
had come so few miles as the crow flies. How I 
wished for a warm bathroom and a quiet cozy 
sleeping place for these weary, dirty, splendid 
women of mine. But willing, eager hands brought 
pitchers of hot water and put hot-water bags in 
little beds that are clean if small, and brought 
trays of food, and now after two days both of 



144 FINDING THEMSELVES 

the nurses are looking a little less green and 
black around the eyes. And how glad and grate- 
ful we are to have them back. There are two 
more away, and another is probably to go soon, 
and she is none the less eager after hearing the 
tales of the others. Major Murphy says the ex- 
perience is, of course, very wonderful, but it is 
brutal. He means brutal on the teams. But 
English men and women have been doing this for 
months and months. This was a very big push 
that these two teams have been through. It is a 
marvel to me that human beings can stand it all. 

October 30, 1917. 

Dearest Dad and Mother : — 

It is quite a long time since I last wrote any- 
thing more than just short handwritten notes. 
It was the 14th that my last letter was dated, I 
find. Since that time we have been pretty hard 
at work. We had very little let-up at all for about 
six weeks. Our numbers have kept over the 
thousand mark all along, which means for us 
very little time for play. 

I guess I will tell you about to-day which was 
rather typical. It was bright and shiny when I 
went over to the Mess hall for breakfast. I can 
tell you it is good preparation for an Arctic 
exploration expedition to be living as we are. 
I sleep every night in woolen stockings and 



FINDING THEMSELVES 145 

knitted bed socks, woolen pajamas, that lovely 
light blue sweater mother made for me, my 
Jaeger sleeping bag, which has two layers over 
and one under, and then three folds of blanket 
on top of all that, topped off by my heavy bath- 
robe, all this on me, the regular old hotbox that 
I always used to be. Well, after a nice warm 
night in all that, with a hot-water bag inside, it 
is not the nicest thing in the world to get up into 
an utterly unheated room. The water from my 
hot-water bag makes very comfortable bathing 
water (for all the bathing that I do then). But a 
few vigorous arm exercises start up my blood 
enough to make me fairly comfortable by the 
time I have on all my woollies. Over in the Mess 
hut there are two nice little coal stoves, which 
make the place very cheerful. There is a big coal 
stove in all our sleeping huts, but none of the 
heat from the one in my hut can get as far as my 
end room. I hope to get some kind of an oil 
stove that will heat things up a bit. I now have 
a little single-burner coal-oil lamp on which I can 
heat a small kettle of water, but it doesn't do 
anything in the way of heating. 

By the time we had finished breakfast (bread 
and butter, coffee, scrambled eggs, and marmalade 
this morning) it was pouring, so we all ran for 
our raincoats and hats, and then the six of us, 
Miss Taylor and I and the two day and two night 



146 FINDING THEMSELVES 

supervisors, walked down to my office in the 
grand stand. There the batman had already- 
started my tiny stove and a cheerful little heat 
was beginning to make itself felt. It takes about 
half an hour or more to read about the admissions, 
discharges, operations, the condition of all the 
"S. I.'s " (Seriously 111) and "D. I.'s" (Dangerously 
111), and to hear that there did not seem to be 
enough blankets for the outgoing convoy, many 
of whom were stretcher patients, that there is 
difficulty about coal for some of the tents at 
night, about this or that nurse's good work when 
so and so had such a terrific hemorrhage, and 
that an incoming convoy is just being unloaded, 
apparently very badly wounded cases, but no 
report on them as yet. Then the day supervisors 
go off to their lines to see about the new admis- 
sions, see if the head nurses have everything they 
need, tell this head nurse to send one of her 
assistants, who has such bad chilblains on her 
hands that she can't do the surgical dressings 
that she has been doing, to report to a head nurse 
on one of the medical lines, where she won't have 
to be doing quite so many wet things, etc. At 
nine Capt. Rainey, the acting head of the surgical 
side, comes for the written report that the Night 
Surgical Supervisor has made out for him of the 
most important cases. Then Major Fischel comes 
to ask about sick nurses. We had told one nurse, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 147 

who had reported a sore throat, to be here at nine, 
and she was and was examined and advised. We 
had heard of another nurse who had lost her 
voice, so she was sent for. Miss Taylor got her 
figures of number of nurses on duty, number of 
yesterday's operations, etc., ready and took that 
and our big Night Report to the C. O.'s office and 
came back to check up her list of the new S. I.'s 
and D. I.'s, to all of whose families it is her job 
to write a personal letter. One day she wrote as 
many as 25 of these letters. She had been out for 
"last hours" yesterday, so there were a number 
for her to add to her list. The official telegram is 
sent to all families, but it is one of the regular 
jobs of this office to do all the personal corre- 
sponding with families. Miss Taylor has learned 
to use a typewriter since she has been over here 
and can write very fast on it. She does not like 
to have the little secretary write these letters, for 
she often sends messages from the boys to their 
families and likes to do them all herself. I begin 
by writing my regular army form about nurses off 
duty. Then I made out several formal communi- 
cations to the Colonel, about the need of a sink in 
the Nurses' Mess, the need of a special new hut 
for sitting-room purposes for my 104 women. 
We now have just the 12 feet at the end of the 
Mess Hall which is quite inadequate. All the 
other hospitals in this vicinity have special sitting- 



148 FINDING THEMSELVES 

rooms, and I am going to keep at the R. E.'s 
(Royal Engineers) until they give us one. I §£| 
At 9 : 30 the nurses and V. A. D.'s begin to 
come up from the lines for Red Cross supplies, 
which are handled through this office and a little 
supply room we have next door. Pajamas, socks, 
mittens, old linen for handkerchiefs for the 
patients, oilcloth, treasure bags, writing paper, 
gramophone needles and records,, razors, shaving 
soap, tobacco, record books, magazines, cologne 
for rubbing backs, chewing-gum, back rests, pic- 
ture puzzles, cards, draughts, pipes, toasting 
forks, metal polish, brad boards, sweets, irrigator 
cans, etc. All these things are actually handled 
by us, not all the time, but some at one time and 
some at another. The British Red Cross sends 
us these supplies on our requisition every week. 
This morning we had very little to give out, for 
our supplies for this week had not come. We 
keep store only from 9 : 30 to 10 : 30, but this 
morning there were a number of other things than 
supplies that various nurses wanted to see me 
about. A V. A. D. wanted to see me about special 
leave to England because her aunt is dying. 
Another V. A. D., who knows better and should 
have reported at 9 a.m., came to tell us of another 
bad boil on her arm and had to be sent to the 
operating room and Capt. Rainey looked up. 
Several wanted to know if they could go to a 



FINDING THEMSELVES 149 

special concert to be given in a neighboring camp 
to-night. The general invitation to all had come, 
but had not been posted, or these need not have 
asked for permission. Then it was time for the 
mail, which was huge this morning, and always 
has to be sorted in this office, because no one else 
knows just what to do with a number of letters 
each day that have to be specially looked after. 
This of course is just nurses' mail. We still get a 
lot of mail for the English Sisters who were here 
before us. We often get many letters intended for 
other American Units. I have the lists of nurses 
of all of the Units that are with the B. E. F. and 
can readily send on straying letters. We have 
nurses away at C. C. S. and some in the Con- 
tagious Hospital and we must see to their forward- 
ing. The mail this morning took a long time. 
As soon as it is sorted it is sent up to the Mess, 
where the nurses will get it at lunch time. My 
own six or seven personal letters I could not look 
at till near one. 

\ The Red Cross Supplies came along about 
11 : 50 and had to be put away. [Miss Taylor had 
gone down to the lines to see the supervisors, see 
how we needed to man the operating room for the 
afternoon, etc. Simone, the little secretary, had 
been helping all morning with supplies, letters, 
etc., and very quickly we got the things put 
away. Then a sergeant from the O. C.'s office came 



150 FINDING THEMSELVES 

to ask about a missing package of "knickers " 
which should have arrived from London. He had 
found it and had that too dumped in my office. 
As it contained some instruments that I wanted 
right away, I wanted it unpacked here. Then 
Phil came along to share some mail with us, but 
I told him he would have to come back later, for 
it was just time for the O. C. to come for this 
morning's interview, so just as he and Ruth C, 
who] had also dropped by to tell me about her 
wonderful birthday mail, cleared out, along came 
Major Murphy. There were several matters to 
take up with him, such as the possible removal 
of a bed or two from several too-crowded tents, 
the matter of the insufficient blankets, a little 
misunderstanding that some of our American boys 
had had with the British Y. M. C. A. people, 
about which the latter had come to see me yester- 
day afternoon. When the Major left, I had to see 
about some notices for the nurses that I wanted 
them to read at their lunch. Miss Taylor came 
back, Simone went off for her lunch, and we sat a 
moment or two and looked at the headlines of 
the two-sheet Daily Mail and Paris N. Y . Herald 
and read our home letters. 

At one we went up in a pouring rain to our 
lunch. We had baked beans, cold bully beef, 
which is canned corn beef and not half bad, 
lettuce salad, tea, bread and butter, and cheese, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 151 

and stewed prunes. Miss Taylor was to be off 
from 1 : 30 to 4 : 30 to go down town to do some 
errands, so I came on back to the office and 
started some accounts, writing of checks, etc. 
They were to have a big afternoon in the oper- 
ating room, but all was working out smoothly. 
For the next two hours I worked steadily at my 
desk, acknowledging supplies, doing accounts, and 
writing business letters. Simone was doing all 
sorts of routine things for us on her typewriter. 
She is very useful and saves many steps as well 
as many minutes. Miss Taylor and I have been 
trying to be very punctilious about going off 
duty these days. She has been after me most 
severely, and the only way to keep her quiet is to do 
as she says, so off I go every day, alternating her. 

Nov. 1, 1917. 

I had to stop on my account of day before 
yesterday before I had finished the day. At five 
I went off in the rain with the Ford with one of 
the nurses I like very much — to bring some 
mail and things to our isolated nurses in the 
Contagious Hospital up the road. (They are 
diphtheria carriers — three of them.) On the way 
up the road we met an ambulance convoy bring- 
ing in wounded men. There must have been 
over a hundred of them from the long line of 
ambulances. And passing them, marching out, 



152 FINDING THEMSELVES 

were companies of men walking along in the 
mud and wet and thinking of course that that 
was the way many, many of these would be com- 
ing back, as those mangled things were in the 
ambulances. One can't get used to these sights. 
It chokes me every time I see the men march 
away. We can always tell when they are going 
to the front, for on top of all that they carry on 
their backs is a little white bag — containing 
limited rations. 

After we had left our things at No. 25, we went 
on down town, did our errands, left a gramophone 
to be repaired for one of the wards — then went 
into the Cathedral for the evening service at 6. 
It is most wonderful, for only a few low lights are 
lighted, and the shadowy arches, the several 
hundred kneeling black figures, the clear tenor 
voice of the priest, who sings most of the service, 
the hundred responses, make it all seem like 
something unreal — till one realizes that the 
unreal part is that it seems so strange and un- 
usual to us, for there have been going on just 
such services as that in that Cathedral since 
before America was discovered ! Many of us go 
there often to the six o'clock services, the only 
trouble is that one gets frozen stiff after a 
few minutes. After leaving the Cathedral we 
wandered about the little narrow, wet streets, 
looking into windows, — clattering along in our 



FINDING THEMSELVES 153 

nailed boots, so that we sound like soldiers (but 
our feet are dry, though the streets are very wet). 
Then came a nice supper of hot, thick soup, steak, 
crisp fried potatoes and a salad, — then back to 
the camp in time to hear the evening report and 
see the night supervisors before they went on 
duty. That evening I wrote in the office. 

To-day is Nov. 1st, and Phil's birthday. I can 
imagine how you all are thinking about him. I 
am going to play somewhere with him this after- 
noon and do whatever he wants to do. Yesterday 
I could hardly speak to him at all, I was so busy 
all day. At 5.30 I went with him for three fourths 
of an hour to hear a lecture in the Y. M. C. A. 
tent — It was by that fine Dr. Kelman — the 
Edinburgh Presbyterian minister, who has been 
talking in the U. S. He spoke on "Why America 
Is in the War " — spoke most wonderfully — to the 
British the evening before when I was in town, 
and Phil could not go because he wanted to 
attend a medical meeting here — But to-night 
we will have dinner down town. 

Loads and loads of love, 

Julia. 

Nov. 2, 1917. 
Dearest Mother : — 

You are all so good about writing — I cannot 

thank you enough and if only there were more 

free hours I'd write everybody, but I just can't. 



154 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Our hospital again is almost full to capacity, 
and such badly hurt men, — amputations, two 
or three of them, every day out of sixteen or 
seventeen operations every afternoon. Day be- 
fore yesterday they had a man on the operating 
table before they decided which of his legs they 
had better take off ! Such a price as is being 
paid for the new world — but it is not too big 
to make the new world and liberty and peace and 
brotherhood and democracy mean something. 
And how small a share we are having in that price 
and how we'd give more if we could. I wish E. 
wouldn't think that anything we are doing is 
worth} 7 of admiration — it isn't — we are doing 
so little. We love being here and would not 
leave our jobs for anything that could be offered 
us. I am writing in bed; it is very late but I 
don't feel like sleeping yet. It is very comfortable 
here in my little bed with my good light hanging 
beside me. The light is such a comfort. I have 
bought an oil stove to try and heat this room. 
I think it will make things more comfortable. 

Please tell B. the music she sent me was dandy 
— the Kreisler piece is a beauty. I cannot play 
the double stops well yet, but I'll do better with 
them after a bit. It's a stunning thing and stays 
in the mind. One of our nurses made a hit at a 
concert for the privates singing "Over There," 
which was new to us all here. We'd like to have 



FINDING THEMSELVES 155 

all the patriotic new things you can send like 
"Goodby Broadway, Hello France'' — we haven't 
that yet. Tell B. I love the College news and 
want to know all she is doing. 

Now I guess I'd better try to sleep a bit. I've 
had a lovely time talking to you. God keep you 
all, my dear ones. 

Julia. 

November 16, 1917. 

It has been a pretty long time since I last 
wrote a regular letter. It has not been because 
we were so terribly busy, for in the last ten days 
our census has come down a little and things 
stopped being quite as strenuous as they had 
been since the first of October. Sometimes, how- 
ever, I find it hard to write and I put it off, think- 
ing that I'll be feeling more like doing it the next 
day. I usually love to write. These last few days, 
however, we have been most busy, for on the 13th 
at noon we had notice that our long-expected 31 
nurses would arrive that afternoon. Capt. John- 
ston and I went down to meet them, leaving the 
people here scurrying around trying to get enough 
food to feed all those extra people and to work 
out the plans we made long ago, as to how we 
would house them until the V. A. D.'s were taken 
away. 

The next day most of the V. A. D.'s were taken 



156 FINDING THEMSELVES 

away to the different hospitals in this neighbor- 
hood, and to-day we are beginning to settle down. 
The details of the records that are necessary, 
both for the outgoing people as well as for the 
new-comers, have been very numerous and compli- 
cated, but Miss Taylor and I and the little stenog- 
rapher have put things through in fai/ly rapid 
shape. I have yet many payrolls and traveling 
expense vouchers and pay allotments and lists 
galore to attend to, but the most immediate and 
important ones are finished. 

We have started the new ladies all off on the 
wards and they seem very much interested and 
thrilled and glad to be here. Since it is almost 
three months since they left St. Louis, they are 
mighty glad to arrive somewhere and get started 
to work. Poor things, they have to go through 
the adjusting that we all had. They never will 
get used to some things, such as the awful wounds, 
the appalling cheeriness of the men, and the 
sight of the troops marching off to the front. 

There is a perfect hubbub outside now, for the 
new enlisted men who arrived to-day with the 
officers are celebrating with a couple of drums. 
I have been so occupied all day I have not had a 
chance to see the new officers, but I have seen 
Dr. Thomas for half a second. So E. may know 
that her package will doubtless be forthcoming 
pretty soon. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 157 

One of my children has just been in here. A 
little while ago she received a cable that her 
father is not expected to live, which she can't 
help interpreting to mean that he is dead, as 
she does not think her family would have cabled 
otherwise. She is a night nurse and is, of course, 
going right on with her work to-night. She is the 
first of our group to whom a big sorrow has 
come. Of course, we all know they must come, 
but when they do, we feel so far away. 

I have been making many speeches this week. 
Just a little while ago I had a long talk with all 
my American nurses ; then of course I had to 
have a farewell talk with the V. A. D.'s ; and then 
all the poor new nurses had to have me tell 
them, not rules and regulations, for they can read 
those on the bulletin board, but a little about 
the way we all feel after six months and some 
of the processes we have been through, which 
they are pretty sure to have to go through too. 
It is very curious with a group of people such as 
I have here, how they light up and are moved 
when they are interpreted to themselves. It is 
the greatest delight to me to try to make them 
see themselves and what they are doing, in large 
terms. I try to fit the daily trials and depressions 
and difficulties, and the way they take them, 
into their right place in their sense of patriotism. 
I tell them how they felt when they were at 



158 FINDING THEMSELVES 

the wonderful service at the Cathedral at home, 
and at places where the bands played and the 
flags waved, as in London, and such places, and 
then I try to show them how their daily work 
can be a part of such feelings. And when I told 
them of the change that had come over most of 
us in the six months we have been here, I sur- 
prised them so much. I told them we had come 
glad to pay that part of the price that was con- 
venient. We had been quite willing to give say 
six months' service, and give up our big pay for 
a while, and to stay as long as our future plans 
were not interfered with, and as long as our 
health did not suffer, and so long as it really 
was not a hardship to any one. But I had seen 
the change coming to us all, that a bigger price 
than that was expected of us. I told them how 
proud I was to see them all coming to the con- 
clusion that no price would be too big to pay for 
what we were working for. I told them of the 
peace that I knew had come to them because 
individually they had decided that their future 
plans did not count, their hopes deferred were of 
no importance, or their health, so long as their 
efficiency was not impaired, or their families, 
or their salaries, or their whole lives. 

The change has really come. It has been most 
noticeable. I felt it in myself of course, and no 
longer am restless and questioning. And the 



FINDING THEMSELVES 159 

questions of so many that came to me for the 
first few months about the possible length of 
time, etc., have entirely ceased. About two weeks 
ago I had to tell two nurses, for whom I had ap- 
plied for discharge after six months, that it was 
refused. One was to go home to be married and 
the other to join her husband whom she married 
one hour before we left St. Louis. Both were so 
splendid about the matter, and acted as though 
this was the decision that they themselves would 
have made; I was most impressed. And that is 
the spirit of the whole group. Nurses say all the 
time, "I couldn't be hired to go home now, know- 
ing what I know now." Oh, they are so fine. The 
new group seem so surprised to find us so happy. 
They also seem much surprised to find us so well 
off for food and general conditions. We all look 
more husky and rosy-cheeked and fat than they 
do. 

I am going to send this much along with Phil's, 
as there is no telling when I can continue. The 
Gerard book and "The Chosen People" we are 
glad to have. Thank you so much. 

With loads and loads of love, 

Julia. 

Nov. 25, 1917. 

We had our first military funeral on the 23d, 
for our little boy Sergeant who died of pneumonia. 



160 FINDING THEMSELVES 

It was most impressive. At two o'clock all who 
could be spared from the wards assembled in 
front of the grand stand. The procession started 
there, first the group of sergeants who were 
honorary pallbearers, then all the Officers, then 
American enlisted men, then British enlisted 
men, then about fifty blue-coated nurses. We 
marched in twos down to the mortuary and lined 
up along the road ; then the quaint French hearse, 
driven by a man in a three-cornered hat, was 
driven through the long line of his friends. His 
brother, a little private from the Canadian Army, 
accompanied by one of our men, walked just 
behind, and the six active pallbearers, his best 
friends, walked on the two sides. Then we all 
fell in and marched the mile through the mud to 
the military cemetery. It is just a big field, nearly 
filled with small wooden crosses, each bearing the 
name of a soldier. Ours was the first American 
laid there. The two padres were waiting for us 
in their surplices, the dearly loved British clergy- 
man, Dr. Page, and our new young American, 
Mr. Taylor, who came to relieve Dean Davis. 
This special place has been set apart for Americans. 
It is a lovely, quiet place outside the wall of an 
old French burying-place. Far off to the West 
were the blue, blue hills that are on the other 
side of Rouen, and nearer a long double row of 
bare, black poplars. And near were the rows and 



FINDING THEMSELVES 161 

rows of others who had given their all and gone 
on Before. One could almost feel a welcoming 
stir as we laid our first American among them. 
A little group of French people had gathered to 
see what had brought so large a cortege to a 
place where there are daily interments and where 
every day the firing squad gives the last salute 
for the brave boys from our hospitals. The beau- 
tiful words of the service had new meaning to 
them. Then the salute from the firing squad, 
and "Taps" from the bugler. While the officers 
and most of the nurses marched away, his Masonic 
"brothers," led by our Rabbi, held their symbolic 
ceremony. There were many flowers, weird French 
wreaths, which were hung all over the outside of 
the hearse when it left the mortuary. If only 
Evart's mother could have been here, it would 
have comforted her to feel the love and respect 
of all his friends and to see the quiet, lovely 
place where he is laid to rest. 

We know that both the American groups have 
been most fortunate to have had no deaths be- 
fore this. In the natural course of events they 
are bound to come, and to have our first not till 
after six months have passed since we left home, 
was not to be expected. We will have others, 
but oh, if I could only bring all my nurses back 
home safe to their families ! Of course, it can't 
be, some will have to be sent back because of ill 

M 



162 FINDING THEMSELVES 

health ; there is a question about the lungs of one 
now, and some we shall have to leave behind. It 
is a fearful thing to have the responsibility of one 
hundred women so far away from home. Some- 
times it all seems so much, too much for me, — 
their health, their happiness, their reputation and 
morals, their general safety and welfare. I try 
to remember that the responsibility is not all 
mine. There are strong men helping me, but 
they only have the important things to attend 
to about them; I have the accumulation of all 
the little things as well. 

f' All our recently received patients have been 
so tremendously elated and excited about the 
advances made towards Cambrai. It has been 
wonderful to see their enthusiasm. We have been 
quite busy taking care of the poor things, 71 
operations in 48 hours, a couple of days ago. It 
has been raining again, and such a wind and rain 
storm as we had all last night and this morning, 
but this afternoon it cleared up beautifully and is 
very cold. 

A few days ago an interesting little incident 
occurred. There was a knock at my office door. 
When I opened it, there was a patient in his 
clumsy blue suit, steadying himself against the 
wall. "Can you tell me where I can find the 
Matron?" he said. "Yes, right here," I answered. 
"I am the Matron. What can I do for you ? " He 



FINDING THEMSELVES 163 

was so wobbly he almost had to lean up against 
the wall. "Somebody told me,'' he said, "that 
you had a violin. I am a professional violinist 
and I have not touched a violin for five months, 
and to-day I couldn't stand it any longer, so I 
got up out of bed to come and find you." I made 
him come in and sit down. As it happened I had 
a new violin and bow, which had been bought for 
our embryo orchestra, here in my office. The 
violin was not tuned up, but that didn't matter. 
The man had it in shape in no time and then he 
began to play, and how he could play ! We let 
him take the violin down to his tent, and later I 
sent him some of my music. He was a shell 
shock, and all the evening and the next few days 
until he was sent to England he played to wrapt 
audiences of fellow patients. In our wards we 
have lots of kinds of music, from gramophones 
to comb-and-tissue-paper bands. The men are 
keen about anything that makes a tune. A lot 
of harmonicas would be a great blessing. 

We had such a wonderful lot of letters this 
morning. I got 12 and Phil 9. I had four from 
Mother — October 29, November 1, and No- 
vember 8, and I forget the other date, as Phil 
has it with him. We had a wonderful time read- 
ing each other's mail. I could not finish until way 
into the afternoon, I had so many things to do. 
Letters do make such a difference. I was so glad 



164 FINDING THEMSELVES 

all these came this a.m., for it is very cold and 
we admitted 250 patients at noon, but letters 
will counteract most anything. Somebody wrote 
in the only copy of the Survey I have seen since 
I left home that the two things that did troops 
the most good were letters and singing, and it is 
true about nurses too. Speaking of singing, can 
you send me some copies of the new Army and 
Navy Song Book — say 2 or 3 dozen, if they 
are not too expensive, or more if possible? I 
have 100 women, but of course we never can all 
get together at one time. The October 6th Survey 
mentioned that book as excellent. I'll answer the 
letters soon. They were wonderful and full of 
juicy bits. You are all so very, very dear to write 
so much and your letters make such a difference. 
Phil has his "Board" to-morrow and will soon 
know what is to happen to him. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

December 8, 1917. 

Dearest Dad and Mother : — 

I wonder if this will reach you before Christ- 
mas, if so it brings you all my love. It is just 
beastly not being able to send presents, but we 
found so few things that were not dutiable and 
worth the trouble you'd have to take, so hardly 
any one in the Unit is sending gifts. I have been 



FINDING THEMSELVES 165 

writing notes and letters as much as I could, but 
I have not sent half on my list, for I have been 
feeling quite badly the past week and for the 
past three days have been in bed. It's just an 
inflammation or infection in my trachea, — not 
really bronchitis but quite an acute affair which 
has made me very sick. I have been having 
wonderful care here in my own room and people 
are just spoiling me. Steam and benzoin inhala- 
tions have done me the most good. Major Fischel 
and Lieut. Praetz, the throat specialist, have been 
seeing me every day and I am about to be well, 
and hope to be up to-morrow. It began with 
terrific hoarseness and the trouble has stayed 
below my throat, and also there has been a bad 
cold in my head, — but with chills and a little 
fever; it might have been much worse if I had 
not had such good care. It has been very cold" 
and damp and many of my poor children have 
had very bad colds and coughs. I was awfully 
embarrassed to have to go and do likewise. My 
cough is much better, and I really don't feel as sick 
to-day as I did yesterday and before. 

Ruth has been doing so much for me and look- 
ing after me and lots of others too. Phil is here 
beside me now, reading. E.'s eiderdown jacket 
came just in the nick of time, and I've looked 
very smart in it, my Jaeger bag and darker brown 
blanket. My little oil stove has made the room 



166 FINDING THEMSELVES 

quite comfortable (for me in bed) ; not so much 
so for my callers, as the floor is quite cold. Every- 
thing was frozen solid yesterday morning, — I 
mean fire-buckets, etc., but to-day is milder and 
I*m not needing the stove at all this afternoon. 
I have been showered with flowers and books and 
all sorts of things, but I am keen to get up. 

To-day Miss Taylor brought a lot of mail, a 
few letters, and packages of all sorts. It's being 
very hard to keep track of all the things that are 
being sent to us. I am trying to keep a list. It 
is down in the office now. But lots of strangers 
are sending things. Some day I'll write you a 
story about missionary barrels ! But I'll surely 
send you a list of things that have been sent. 
We do appreciate gifts here, but, oh Mother, 
some have been so funny, and never in the whole 
of our lives have we seen so much candy and 
chocolate. 

This is not a good preamble to say thanks for 
your dear things which have been so thoughtful. 
The white cap and wristlets came to-day and are 
wonderful, so soft and nice. I shall very probably 
wear the cap nights. I have been using one of 
the khaki crocheted caps you sent Phil as a 
sample and model for some dark blue ones for 
my nurses. I am having them made in town. 
They must be dark blue to be uniform and to 
go with the dark blue sweaters. My night nurses' 



FINDING THEMSELVES 167 

heads nearly freeze. Phil let me have two of the 
brown caps right away till I can get blue ones 
made. I am having my two night supervisors 
wear them. Just think, they are out of doors 
these freezing nights practically the whole twelve 
hours. You see they go from tent to tent and 
all over the place, looking after the sickest and 
the dying patients and helping the nurses any 
way they can. Often it is just comforting the 
nurses that is their main job. Night before last 
on one line two men died suddenly almost at the 
same moment and the poor little nurse could 
hardly stand it, but the supervisor just had to 
comfort and brace, as well as help physically. 
These supervisors have a hut to go into where 
all the night nurses have suppers and where there 
is a little stove. They write their reports there, 
but it is almost twelve solid hours out of doors 
every night for a month. We have them all 
bundled up with gaiters and knickers and two or 
three sweaters and caps and coats and mittens, 
but they do get chilled through. If you want to 
knit us some regulation wristlets with a hole for 
the thumb, please do. We need lots of them. 
They can be either gray or dark blue. Our nurses 
are not wearing anything on duty that isn't 
gray or dark blue. The sweaters were too awful 
until this rule went out, lavender, old rose, yellow, 
green, dirty white, etc. 



168 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Well, so much for caps, — you could send us 
more of those too, if you want to, or mufflers, 
all gray or dark blue, preferably dark blue. The 
wristlets with thumb holes can be worn working 
and the fingers are left free. I've knitted several 
pairs here myself. 

s Well, to return to presents. The Cross hand- 
kerchief case with the beauty handkerchiefs also 
came and I just love them. They are so dainty 
and wonderful and so unsuitable for active service 
that I know that is the reason you sent them 
and I'm so glad. I shall use them too, and not 
let them get lost and they'll be so inappropriate 
held in a gray-mittened hand mopping a frozen 
nose, but so nice ! I have a weenty bottle of 
rose perfume that L. put in my medicine case, 
— I'm sure for just such a contingency ! 

We love your letters so much. The Nov. 1st one 
with all its inclosures was fine. 

We are so glad people are sending us things for 
our men for Christmas. Oh, they need them so 
badly, the poor, poor things, and we want them 
to have a wonderful Christmas, and they are 
sure to. For many of our friends are sending us 
things or money for them. The underwear I have 
heard from, from Paris, and it ought to arrive 
soon. The Outlook has begun to come and is 
fine. We shall enjoy that tremendously, for it 
condenses things for us in a way we need. I could 



FINDING THEMSELVES 169 

use some more bed-socks, high ones. We have to 
wear them in bed, and I find that by putting the 
pa jama leg inside the sock, my legs and feet are 
very comfortable. I'd like them to come nearly 
to the knees ; any color will do. 

We were so glad to know about your service 
flag. I wish we could have a picture of it, as we 
don't know what it is like. The cold cream you 
sent I wanted very much. I have to use quantities 
of it to keep from chapping, and we can't get any 
glycerine over here. Some of my nurses have such 
dreadfully chilblained hands and feet, and they 
are so painful. 

D.'s letters are very interesting. Please thank 
her for them. I just can't write and answer them 
all. You've no idea how many strangers I have 
to write to, — in the States, I mean, — answering 
questions and acknowledging gifts; but I just 
love to get the letters from the girls ; I can't 
write them often. I'm snowed under now with 
letters that need to be answered. 
| You must think of us over here as having one 
of the happiest Christmases possible. Our work 
is pitiful, but we are at peace in our hearts and 
very happy to be here. I never felt so at peace 
and quiet in my mind. We have a very big and 
vital work to do right here and that is enough, 
and we are blessed beyond all words to be here 
and able to do it. 



170 FINDING THEMSELVES 

I believe there is more real peace on earth in 
men's and women's hearts now in the midst of 
this world turmoil than has ever been known 
before. No one should be sorry for us, for any 
of us who are here in connection with the army. 
You can't be sorry enough for the wounded and 
sick, but most of them too are very peaceful, 
undisturbed, and unafraid. Oh I wish I could tell 
you what all this is meaning, as I see it. Maybe 
some day I can, for every day I am seeing things 
more clearly, but as yet I can't write it all down, 

— after a while perhaps. We talk about it, from 
time to time, some of us, every once in a while, 
and oh, dear people, no greater thing can ever 
come into any one's life than this chance of ours, 

— to get away from little things and self and to 
know what the things of the Spirit are, and what 
true values really are. 

A happy Christmas to you all and oh, so much 
love. I can't bear to stop writing when I think 
that this will reach you at Christmas time. (Phil 
is going to Paris to-morrow and may not be back 
by Christmas.) But together or apart, we'll be 
thinking of you all and praying to God to spare 
you till we can see you again. But if it can't be 
that way, it won't matter so much, for if any one 
of you goes on before, you will be just so much 
nearer to us, for you will understand the end from 
the beginning and be content as you watch how 



FINDING THEMSELVES 171 

we fight our fight, and we'll feel your nearness 
and get strength and comfort from it, and there 
won't be anything but complete love and under- 
standing between us. It is going to be a long 
time before we come home, but it doesn't matter, 
miles make no difference. You are wonderful, and 
we, of course, must be wonderful too. 

I believe this will be one of your happiest 
Christmases, as it is ours. 

Good-night, good-night, dear ones, 

Julia. 

Dec. 15, 1917. 

My little Corona has come back from London 
where it went to be cleaned and I feel as though 
an old and dear friend had come back. It's a cold 
Saturday night. Up in the Mess nurses are mak- 
ing Christmas stockings, one thousand of them, 
so that they can be filled with all kinds of nice 
little things that we are receiving from all over 
the country, and be given, one to each man on 
Christmas morning. It really is quite a job for 
each nurse to make ten stockings, but they are 
getting done. The hospital is not quite so heavy 
as it has been very steadily all autumn, and 
temporarily, at least, the pressure has let up a bit. 
I have sent five nurses away on leave. After six 
months' service each nurse is entitled to 15 days' 
leave with pay, but up to now we have not been 



172 FINDING THEMSELVES 

able to spare the nurses, for we have always a 
few who are sick. I have six sick ones over in the 
Sick Sisters' Hospital now, but if things stay as 
they are now, I won't have to send for the ones 
who are on leave. My sick ladies are not very 
sick. One has an infected finger, another an in- 
fected big toe, and the others have slight fevers, 
or very bad colds which are really the grippe. 
It is such a blessing that we have such a splendid 
place to send our sick nurses. 

To-night I want to tell you a bit about gifts 
and givers. All the mail for the nurses has to be 
brought to my office to be sorted again : some to 
be forwarded to English sisters or V. A. D.'s who 
have left, some to be taken out to be brought up 
to the Sick Sisters, some to be put away until 
those on leave return, and some to be hunted up 
on lists and forwarded if possible. A man brings 
the papers and packages in large sacks. Some- 
times there have been three or four sacks full on 
the same day. He empties them on the floor and 
Miss Taylor and I sort it out. I wish you could 
see what we have had here on the floor. There 
have been jam, coffee beans, and pounds of 
ground coffee, lump sugar and granulated sugar, 
cocoa and chocolate by the pound, hard candies 
and soft candies, cookies, and fruit cake, 'chewing 
gum, cigarettes, woolen underwear, shoes, knitted 
things, magazines without wrappings or covers, 



FINDING THEMSELVES 173 

bits of glass bottles, letters without envelopes, 
talcum powder, Christmas cards "with love from 
Aunt Mary," "Merry Christmas and don't for- 
get me," from John H. Jones, Jr., Kansas City, 
or Roanoke, Va., and toothpaste. You just ought 
to see what a tube of pink toothpaste can do to 
a bag of mail, but the worst of all were the jam 
and the talcum powder. You would not believe 
that a large can of Colgate's talcum powder 
could break right in two, but I have seen two of 
them broken clean through the middle. And as 
for the comfort bags for soldiers, you ought to 
see the way some of those have arrived, sans 
paper, sans string, together just because the 
things were in a bag and the address was tied to 
the bag string. Cardboard boxes never arrive 
intact. Tin containers get stove in. (I don't know 
the past participle of that word, maybe it's 
stiven.) If a tin box with sharp edges is nicely 
wrapped in paper, it is apt to arrive without the 
paper, which the sharp edges have worn through. 
Even wooden boxes are frequently broken. Every- 
thing is crushed and then of course the strings 
come off and the contents begin to shake out. 
The long, long journey is what does the damage, 
the many weeks of rubbing and shaking. A five- 
pound box of Maillard's candy packed in a round 
tin box, arrived for me the other day without 
the cover of the tin box and with the cover of 



174 FINDING THEMSELVES 

the inside box broken, the candy just protected 
by the tinfoil inside. But not a piece was missing. 
There really have been very few instances where 
we have not been able to identify the person for 
whom the package was meant, but sometimes, I 
can assure you it has taken considerable ingenuity. 

The British and the Australians have discovered 
that the best way to insure the arrival intact of 
any article is to put it in a box and then sew it 
up in cloth. If it gets mashed or jammed or 
"stove in," the contents are very likely to remain 
inside the cloth covering. Just ordinary heavy 
unbleached muslin does beautifully. I'd hate to 
have Dad know how his lovely electric pad arrived, 
or E. her pretty brown bed-jacket. Magazines and 
papers should be rolled and wrapped and tied 
around and through. The parcel post is the 
quickest and safest and entirely the most con- 
venient way for us to receive things. For express 
packages we have to go to town and usually pay 
charges, even if they have been paid before. 
And express is very slow. 

People are sending us wonderful things. We 
really are being too awfully spoiled and are getting 
so much more than we deserve. Fortunately lots 
of people are sending us things for our patients' 
Christmas, which is what we like best of all. But 
oh the acknowledging ! I really am so swamped 
with the list I have already made of strangers to 



FINDING THEMSELVES 175 

whom I must write, I have decided to use a 
regular form letter and have Simone write this 
for me on the typewriter. I am sure people will 
forgive me; they would if they knew what a lot 
I have to write and how little free time I really 
have. Here in the office daytimes there are things 
to be done every minute. I have been trying for a 
week to get my accounts ready to be audited, just 
merely to put the receipts by months, and I have 
not had a chance till late this afternoon, and then 
I was interrupted a dozen times, once to take a 
sister of a very sick patient down to the lines to 
see him. She had just come from England. On 
the way down she said, "My, but this is different 
to London, but give me London." Other times I 
had to stop to give knitted caps to nurses. I 
have just had some made here in Rouen. Another 
time it was to help a Y. M. C. A. worker look up 
a patient's record, another time to let a little 
night nurse tell me about a patient who had died 
on her line last night, and how he had said to 
her, "Sister, stay with me," and she had sat 
beside him and held his hand, and how she wouldn't 
have missed this opportunity of working with the 
English for anything in the world, and although 
she has a cough which hangs on pretty long she 
is feeling fine and well and just loves night duty 
here, the nights are so wonderful, and last night 
the searchlights on the clouds were most beauti- 



176 FINDING THEMSELVES 

ful and gave one such a feeling of protection. 
She's a little, slender, 25-year old Virginian with 
such a pretty speech. Such are the constant 
interruptions, but they are of course what I am 
here for, just such interruptions. 

And now I want to tell you a little about givers. 
To begin with, there was an old lady in an Old 
Ladies' Home in St. Louis who wrote to ask if 
she might make for me and my patients some 
bookmarks with verses on them. Of course I 
wrote back that she could. After a while along 
came a box of about a dozen long ribbon book- 
marks, all the colors of the rainbow, with cross- 
stitched verses on them like "God is love," "Be 
of good cheer." I got a wounded soldier that I 
knew pretty well to write her the best note of 
thanks he knew how, and I have since heard 
from her that she received his letter and felt 
fully rewarded for her pains. The padre said he 
would help distribute some of them. I saw the 
soldier's letter. It was quite typical and was full 
of such expressions as "fed up with," "carry 
on," "stick it," "Blighty," etc., and I am sure 
would be a real object of interest and curiosity at 
the Old Ladies' Home ! 

Then there was the King's Daughters of Pilgrim 
Church, dear kind people, who sent 40 lbs. of 
sweet chocolate to Ruth and me, also I don't 
know how many pounds of coffee. The chocolate 



FINDING THEMSELVES 177 

was in four ten-pound cakes : delicious chocolate 
about two feet long, a foot wide, and two inches 
thick, Hershey's. We've given it away in hunks. 
Nobody in all the world ever saw such cakes of 
chocolate. We pounded it up, or rather cracked 
it up with a hammer, and many people enjoyed it. 
R. never can have too much. I have another 5 
lbs. of sweet chocolate unopened as yet (Maillard's), 
put away for the time when rations fail us. There 
is also a three-pound box of Chicago candy in 
storage on my shelf. We'll eat it all after a while, 
you may be sure. Then the fruit cakes, such 
wonders. Mr. C. sent some simply perfect ones 
to both R. and me, and I have another from 
Scruggs in St. Louis being saved. People are so 
dear. Mrs. H.'s box of salted nuts, dates, and 
raisins struck a most popular chord, they were 
such good things. A dear Jewish lady in St. Louis 
who hardly knew me at all sent a box of cookies 
and little cakes, which didn't arrive in very good 
condition, as they were all in crumbs, but wasn't 
it kind of her? We feel like missionaries getting 
barrels. The Sorosis Carol Club's comfort bags 
have been coming and coming. They are now 
stacked up in my sitting-room waiting till Christ- 
mas, when they are going to give lots of pleasure 
to sick boys, who are so much like little children. 
Think of a whole tent-full of men howling to have 
some powder put on their backs because a nurse 

N 



178 FINDING THEMSELVES 

had just put some on a very sick man's back 
when she was rubbing his back for him. I have a 
letter to-day that the St. Louis Comforts Com- 
mittee of the U. S. Navy League is sending us 
100 wristlets. Well, we can use them. 

It is snowing to-day (Sunday the 16th) and you 
can't imagine how lovely the camp looks. It is 
very cold. But I think all my people are warmly 
enough dressed. They are funny-looking nurses 
and not much like the fancy pictures of nurses, 
as they paddle around to-day. They have on 
round, blue, tight-fitting knitted caps, sweaters, 
and wristlets, gray dresses and aprons. Some 
have on their rain-coats and rubber boots, and 
some have on leather gaiters and heavy boots. 
They all have knickerbockers under their uni- 
forms, and some, I know, have knitted sleeveless 
Jimmy shirts on top of two sets of underwear. 
But they are as happy as can be and make all 
sorts of fun about being sewed up for the winter 
and not needing to brush their hair if they keep 
their little caps on both night and day, as many do. 

Getting up in the mornings is great. The fires 
have just been started and have not heated things 
up a bit and frost is all over everything, and it 
is a real stunt to get dressed. Over in the Mess 
at breakfast sometimes the nurses eat with gloves 
on. But soon the two little stoves warm things 
up, and groups gather around each fire to make 



FINDING THEMSELVES 179 

toast, "just to get the frost out of the bread," as 
one said this morning. Then they bundle up and 
go chattering down to the lines to look after their 
boys. The tents are really quite cozy when they 
are shut up tight, but the air in them gets very 
bad. The night nurses have the hardest time 
because they can't move around so much and 
they find it hard to keep warm, but the Night 
Supervisors make hot cocoa and toast for them 
in the Night Duty Hut over their little stove 
there, and give each nurse a chance to get warmed 
up about four o'clock in the morning. They have 
a hot supper in the Hut at midnight. We have a 
big basket of food sent down from the Mess each 
evening and one nurse who is "Jane" for a week 
at a time prepares it and makes coffee. It is no 
end primitive, for they have no running water 
and just a tiny stove and an oil lamp, but I bought 
some pretty dishes for them and they seem to 
enjoy their night suppers very much. When the 
doctors operate late, they drop in for a bite too. 
Many, many nights the nurses have scarcely a 
moment in which to eat. They can't always be 
relieved by a supervisor or another nurse, and 
may have to leave their lines in charge of the 
orderly while they go to eat. But almost every 
nurse likes night duty, the nights are so beautiful 
and so varying and the experiences are so vivid. 
But to go back to gifts and givers. The packages 



180 FINDING THEMSELVES 

for soldiers are waiting to go into stockings. The 
Washington University nurses sent such nice boxes 
to all of us W. U. people, — sleeveless sweaters, 
bed socks, nuts, candies, and nut cake, with 
coffee and chocolate. A stranger who had heard 
some of my letters is sending a gramophone. Maga- 
zines and notes and cards galore come all the time. 
People are so good. And we are just being spoiled. 
We have heard of lots of other things on the way. 
I am just worried that I will neglect to make a 
note of some of these things that come and the 
kind giver won't know how much pleasure and 
happiness the gift has brought. 

I suppose most of you have read Donald 
Hankey's book "A Student in Arms." We have 
had a lot of discussion about the chapter called 
"Discipline and Leadership." The Major says 
he has changed his point of view entirely since 
he has been in the army, and now he agrees with 
the book entirely. I have not reached that point 
as yet. I am sure that I must be wrong, but I 
can't get away from the feeling that you can do 
the most with people when you appeal to the 
best in them, and don't insist on discipline for 
discipline's sake. Army life is altogether different 
from civilian life, and what held there does not 
hold here. But in my dealings with the nurses I 
am probably on the wrong tack, and will un- 
doubtedly come a cropper before we get back 



FINDING THEMSELVES 181 

because my discipline has not been rigid enough, 
and I've been getting results because of my 
"personality" rather than because of my "orders." 
It is an interesting matter for discussion. 

This letter has grown to be very long because 
it has rambled all over the field. It must call a 
halt now, for soon it will be time to have supper, 
then practise hymns for Christmas Eve. 

J. 

Dec. 28, 1917. 

The wind is swirling and howling outside and 
it is very cold, about the coldest day we've had, 
I think. I have put a little table over nearer the 
stove than my big desk-table is and here a couple 
of feet away from the fire, the heat is quite notice- 
able. It's an amusing sight to see Miss Taylor 
and me doing our work down here mornings with 
mittens on. With those nice fingerless ones, we 
can typewrite or write most comfortably. It's 
the wind that is making things so cold this eve- 
ning. Not that it has been warm on the days when 
there was no wind, for it has been for over two 
weeks that some fire buckets in my sitting-room 
have been solid ice. Useful in case of fire, I can 
hear some one say. Yes, but to-day some chemical 
fire extinguishers, that I have been making a 
big howl for, have arrived upon the scene and I 
shall sleep more peacefully, for our huts are like 



182 FINDING THEMSELVES 

match-boxes. Every morning the water in our 
pitchers is frozen and the ink in fountain pens. 
We have to jerk our tooth-brushes out of the 
glasses and pry the soap off of the soap-dishes. 
In the Mess, our drinking-water bottles have 
ice in them, like the Waldorf. There is one story 
that some believe and some don't, but the nurse 
swears it is true, and that is — that her hot- water 
bottle was frozen solid in the morning in her bed. 
I asked about it and learned that it had been 
placed outside her sleeping bag and had slipped 
down to the foot of the bed where the blankets 
were loose, but it was frozen. It is most amusing 
the howls one hears in the mornings ; it is so hard 
to get up. The fires don't get things warmed up 
a bit, for a long time, and it is like getting up out 
of doors. We all have schemes about how to dress 
at night so that dressing in the morning will 
necessitate the least exposure and the least chang- 
ing. It is awfully funny and doesn't hurt us a 
bit. The chilblains hurt and are awful, but heroic 
treatment helps. There are parades of barefoot 
ladies who go and walk in the snow nights, then 
come in and rub and roar; then there are the 
cold-water foot baths, which are said to be worse 
than the snow treatment. Occasionally a day or 
two off duty is necessary for very bad hands or 
feet. Almost everybody wears two pairs of woolen 
stockings and monstrous shoes, aDd oh! the 



FINDING THEMSELVES 183 

money that is being spent on having shoes made 
to order — very high ones with extra thick soles. 
But on the whole a stranger would think our group 
looks mighty fat and well. There are a lot of 
coughs that hang on. To-day, for instance, out 
of my 99 women, I have just three off duty sick, 

— one has an infected thumb ; another an in- 
fected toe; and the third, poor dear, has been 
having a painful attack. But at home in steam- 
heated apartments, we could not do better than 
that. Some dear lambs walk with a good deal of 
a limp when they first go on duty in the morn- 
ings, but as the days progress their feet feel better. 
I have been awfully lucky, though I came near 
getting some trouble started. I walked downtown 
with Major Veeder last Sunday, when we were 
going down to dinner, and that night the balls 
of my feet and the heels got very burning and 
swollen, but vigorous treatment stopped the 
trouble. 

This is a very quiet Sunday — Dec. 30th, 1917, 

— and every nurse is having a full half day 
off duty. We have over eight hundred patients, 
but there are not so very many that are desper- 
ately sick. I want to tell you all about our wonder- 
ful Christmas and I hope I won't be much dis- 
turbed, for I am in the office, as Miss Taylor is 
off duty. The nurses and doctors, helped by a 
few home gifts, raised about $600 to be spent 



184 FINDING THEMSELVES 

for Christmas. About $200 of that, it was decided, 
was to go to some Rouen charity for children. 
So one cold day, Major Murphy, Major Veeder, 
and I went to look up the names of some philan- 
thropic organizations that had been given us by 
the Mayor. I forgot to say that the first move 
was a call that Major Veeder and I made on the 
Mayor to get a list of the accredited charities. 
You would have been amused and proud ( ?) to 
hear me explain in slow and careful French who 
we were and what we wanted. But I got it over, 
and the list was sent us with many respectful 
salutations. When we visited some of the societies 
on the list, we had a most interesting time. We 
three would take turns in speaking the French 
and explaining what we wanted. We'd rehearse 
on the front door steps like so many kids. We 
visited a refuge for little boys — such a poor, 
bare place, managed by a priest and some sisters ; 
then a sort of industrial school; then the office 
of the Society for the care of war orphans. Here 
we got the names of ten families to which we 
could send special New Year's baskets. We de- 
cided to give something to each of these societies, 
and, in all, spend about $200. There has been 
lots of fun about the baskets, for the doctors 
auctioned off the privilege of having a family, 
and with each family there went the name of a 
nurse who was to help. Many of the families 



FINDING THEMSELVES 185 

got visited yesterday, and baskets of clothes 
and toys and food were purchased, and on 
New Year's morning, they are going to be 
delivered. « 

Then for our patients, we bought pork, extra, 
for their dinner, and beer. The English Govern- 
ment sent them plum puddings. We wanted turkey 
or chicken, but found we could not afford it for 
so many. But they loved the pork. We had been 
making fancy Christmas stockings for days, and 
a committee, of which Ruth Cobb was chairman, 
had been having a very bad time trying to buy 
and get delivered enough supplies to fill them. 
There had been great fun filling them. We had 
requisitioned all the candy and cigarettes we 
could from the officers, and we got them to help 
fill, so by Christmas Eve, when we had about 
750 filled, we thought we were quite safe, as a 
great many patients had been sent out, but that 
evening we were notified to be prepared to receive 
two convoys of a hundred each, during the night. 
The Committee almost wept, but they got very 
busy and by 10 o'clock on Christmas morning 
every patient in the hospital had received a stock- 
ing with fruit, tobacco, candies, nuts, and some 
kind of a present in it. Only one of the convoys 
had arrived by noon — the other one got delayed 
somewhere. The patients were just like little boys 
with their stockings, and the nurses had just as 



186 FINDING THEMSELVES 

much fun with them as though they had been. 
The one-armed men could not untie the necks of 
their stockings, which had to be tied up tight, 
and so their shouts all through those tents : "Oh, 
Sister, come and snip mine next." The Sisters 
dashed around, snipping and untying and pulling 
snappers and fitting on paper caps. The British 
Red Cross sent us a lot of decorations and things 
we could use for the stockings, and the Australian 
Red Cross gave some money as did the American 
Red Cross. The boxes the St. Louis Chapter 
of the American Red Cross sent for the Unit 
have not arrived yet. 

Now about the singing on Christmas Eve, 
which was the loveliest part of the whole Christ- 
mas to me. At 8 : 15 about 50 bundled-up nurses 
left the quarters and walked down across the 
snow, each carrying her candle lantern. It was 
the loveliest sight, for the night was perfect. It 
was not too cold and the snow made everything 
so bright. I had my violin to start them with 
and keep them on the key. We began at one corner 
of the camp and just as soon as we had started 
we were joined by all the officers and a number 
of the enlisted men, and soon up-patients gathered 
around too, so as we went from place to place 
between the lines of tents we must have been a 
crowd of over 200 people. I wish you could have 
seen what I saw. I knew the tunes so well I could 



FINDING THEMSELVES 187 

watch the others as I played. Officers and nurses, 
and patients and nurses looking together over 
one sheet of words (we had had the words mimeo- 
graphed, for we have only two hymn books of the 
same kind), while one of them held the lantern 
so that the light fell on the paper. And all were 
singing so intently and so happily. One group of 
patients, who said they wanted to learn those 
'Yankee tunes," pushed and shoved to be by me 
every time because they said they wanted to be 
near the "band." We sang — "Oh, Come, All 
Ye Faithful." That everybody knew ; and "Hark, 
the Herald Angels," and "It Came upon the 
Midnight Clear," and "Oh, Little Town of 
Bethlehem," and "Holy Night, Silent Night." 
We sang in eight places. It is something I shall 
never forget if I live to be a hundred, and I imagine 
a good many felt the same way. If there only 
were some other way we could have community 
singing. There is nothing like it. I was worn to 
a frazzle afterwards, but it was worth any amount 
of effort. The night nurses said the patients loved 
it, only there was not enough of it, though we 
sang for an hour and a half all together. 

After the singing we in our hut had a little 
hut party. We had a little Christmas tree, with 
fool presents on it for each one of us with a rhyme. 
You don't know what lovely tree decorations 
can be made out of the silver-foil out of candy 



188 FINDING THEMSELVES 

boxes; a bit of gilt fringe which was carefully 
raveled was a great find. We had a nice little 
family party, ending with cocoa and little cookies ; 
then parted for the night. At midnight Ruth and 
I went with a group of the Catholic nurses over 
across the road to the midnight service in their 
chapel. 

Christmas night we had a party in our Mess for 
just our American officers and nurses. The Mess 
had been beautifully decorated with holly and 
greens and we had our dinner early (4 and 5), 
so that all the tables could be taken out and a 
stage set. Three or four of the doctors and a 
couple of nurses acted a little burlesque which 
they adapted from something they saw in Punch, 
It was full of local hits and was very amusing and 
clever. Then we had a monologue by another 
of the doctors, which was very good; then some 
songs by another doctor. Do you know "Joan 
of Arc, They are Calling You" ? That was one of 
them. Then came the "Army Alphabet" written 
by two of the nurses and read by me. It wound 
up with a scene about "TJ is us as we used to be" 
and gave a chance for a bunch of pretty girls 
to dress up in mufti, and how pretty they did 
look after all this somber uniform stuff. They 
had a little business about going to say good-by 
to a friend of theirs who was just off for France 
as a nurse, then when I got to — 



FINDING THEMSELVES 189 

"Y's for the years and years till we've done, 
When we've healed every Tommy and killed every 

Hun, 
Then old and decrepit and wrinkled and gray, 
To America's shores we'll wend our way. 
They set dogs on old ' Rip ' — 
He was gone twenty years — 
Oh, what will they do — 
When this Unit appears ?" 

Then they had a scene to show how we would 
appear. It was killingly funny and brought down 
the house. Then we wound up with a dance. 
Lots of the group said it was the nicest Christmas 
they could possibly imagine. I was so glad, for 
it might have been so different, for Christmas is 
a lonesome time and nobody had time to be 
lonesome here. We have not had any mail for 
ages. Some packages came through the week 
before Christmas, but I have had no letters 
from the States since those that came written 
about November 24th. We keep hoping every 
day that a big batch will arrive. 

All the hospitals around us are entertaining a 
lot this week. They are having "at homes" 
or concerts or little plays, and there seems to be 
something doing every afternoon or evening. 
It is an awfully good thing, and I really suppose 
we ought to give some sort of an affair here, but 
how I don't want to ! 



190 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Now good night and loads and loads of love to 
you all, you very dear ones. The Red Cross card 
Mother sent nearly broke me up, — especially 
what she wrote on the back. 

Jule. 

January 22, 1918. 

I have just realized that it is about three weeks 
since I last wrote. I don't know how it happened 
to be so long, except that I guess there has not 
been very much of special interest to say. I have 
not done all my thanking for Christmas presents 
yet and I have been getting along with those 
little by little and so had not noticed that I had 
not written a regular for so long. The past two 
weeks have been very mild, in great contrast to 
the month before. The warmish, damp weather 
has not been any too good for the general health 
of the group, for we have continued to have a good 
deal of the "flue," as the British call the influenza. 
But the chilblains are all better. 

The hospital has continued to have about the 
same number of patients right along. We vary 
between eight and ten hundred, sending out some 
every day and getting in convoys nearly every 
night. We get such a lot of medical cases now and 
such a lot of trench feet, which are such dreadful 
things. They are the result of wet and cold and 
are often very serious. They are very painful 



FINDING THEMSELVES 191 

and sometimes result in gangrene. To-day one 
poor lad had to be told that he would have to 
lose both feet because of this trouble, and he is 
simply crushed. To-morrow he will buck up, 
but to-night it seems too much to be borne. We 
have some terribly sick men, but not so large a 
proportion of them as awhile ago. I am sending 
as many nurses away for their leave as I possibly 
can while the work is not so dreadfully heavy. 
I have had about thirty away for their fifteen 
days already. Ruth Cobb is in Paris now with 
Miss Watkins. Most of the nurses go to Paris. 
Three have been down to Cannes, but they were 
sent through the British authorities. In a few 
days my splendid assistant is going to Paris with 
three of her pals. I shall miss her very much as 
she is a wonderful right-hand man, and one I 
depend on a lot. After she gets back, which will 
be Feb. 8th, I expect to go for my leave. I am 
planning to go to London, for I want to see Eliza- 
beth M. and I want to get away from nurses. 
I could not do that in Paris, nor at Cannes, nor 
at Mentone ; besides which I don't want to go to 
any of those places alone, and I can't go very well 
with any nurses from here. So it's London for 
me. I don't mind the Channel trip, nor possi- 
bilities of air raids, nor bad weather. 

I find I am right tired though it is not from hard, 
physical work of any kind, for I certainly am 



192 FINDING THEMSELVES 

not doing that. I guess it is from responsibility, 
and more or less of a long-continued strain. 
Anyway a change will do me good. We all get 
fifteen days every six months if we can manage 
it. You see we are all overdue here, and there 
are so many of us I can't possibly get around 
before the second fifteen days will be due. I will 
cable from London some time while I am there 
just to let you know I am there safely. 

More strange gifts still come along. ... I 
am not properly grateful for cast-off clothes, I'm 
afraid, especially when they are flung at one 
without a word. However, I ought to be ashamed 
to growl. But so many, many people have been 
so wonderfully good to us and have sent us such 
superlative things with dear notes saying that 
the best was none too good for us, I am afraid we 
are plain spoiled. 

You can't imagine what fun we have talking 
about what we will do first when we get home. 
It is a favorite game. Some want theaters, some 
want real concerts, like symphonies, some want 
warm, marble bath-rooms, some great big soft 
beds, some lovely fluffy evening clothes, some 
automobile rides in parks, some ice-cream. A 
whole lot want some kind of bread stuffs, muffins, 
biscuits, popovers, waffles, pancakes. That is 
what I want among other things, but most of 
all I want to see my family and my friends. The 



FINDING THEMSELVES 193 

days go by rapidly, but it seems years since we 
left, and it is going to be a long, long time before 
we get home. We play games at the table about 
the food, pretending that it is something else. 
We have awfully good food considering, but of 
course it gets monotonous and tiresome, and one 
needs to be good and hungry all the time to enjoy 
it. But most of us are very hungry at meal-times 
and have good appetites ; it is when you are a 
bit off your feed you think how nice it would 
be to have some good milk toast with real butter, 
real milk, and real bread. To-day, for instance, 
I'll tell you what our food was. Breakfast : good 
oatmeal with boiled milk and sugar, coffee, 
war bread, which one of the group toasted before 
the fire for our table, "bacon" the eternal, which 
is fried ham, and not very good. Lunch : a 
kind of meat loaf, rice, with cheese (which we 
have about every other day), bread and butter, 
cocoa, and stewed figs, stewed without sugar. 
With the meat and rice was creamed yellow turnip. 
Dinner : brown meat and gravy, boiled potatoes 
and beets, coffee and a kind of chocolate bread- 
pudding, which somebody said was bread soaked 
in left-over cocoa. This really was not a very 
good day for food, but you see it was all nourish- 
ing, and it was cooked well, but it is not fancy. 
After lunches and dinners like that, if we have 
some candy or fruit cake in our rooms, we go and 



194 FINDING THEMSELVES 

have some of that for dessert. Mother's box from 
Charles with all the fancy things for a tea-party 
came yesterday. It had been opened and not very 
well repacked, so that the crackers and cookies 
were a bit the worse for the journey, but I think 
I can freshen them up. It is queer that any one 
should have found it necessary to open a box of 
crackers to see what it contained. 

The music E. sent and the songs that Mother 
sent all came safely and I am so glad to have it 
all. Sunday night I had a beautiful time with 
one of the nurses, playing through the new book 
of duets. The new songs are being used constantly. 
Mrs. McB.'s box of books arrived this week after 
its long wanderings. It was most welcome. The 
books are already giving the greatest pleasure. 
I have already read three of them myself. Even 
the doctors come to me for books every now and 
then, so it is fine to have some good ones on hand 
to lend to them as well as the nurses. 

I see Phil every once in a while. He was down 
last night at a little dance in our mess which I 
did not attend. I have learned both the onestep 
and the foxtrot over here in my old age ! I was 
down to dinner twice the week before with him. 
It is very pleasant to walk down with him late in 
the afternoon, wander around a little, get a good 
dinner, then walk back again, talking over all 
the latest news from letters or camp gossip. He 



FINDING THEMSELVES 195 

seems to be enjoying his work at No. 25 Sta- 
tionary Hospital very much, though he does not 
find the work at all arduous. 

This is a very dull letter, but it is meant to tell 
you that we are all "carrying on" as usual, are 
all "in the pink" and feeling "champion." A 
few of our number have been a bit "seedy," but 
are "going on fine." We are all wondering "where 
do we go from here," but rumor says that we won't 
be moved before Summer, which we hope is true. 
We have very few among us who are "grousers," 
but even they would not like to leave this place. 

Tell Elsie, please, that I use her brown jacket 
every night and it is the nicest thing. I don't 
need anything for my sitting-room now that it 
is so comfortable and attractive. It has a little 
coal stove in it now, which makes it awfully nice 
for evenings. I am not there much in the day- 
times except for French lessons. I am always 
having some flowers there, people are so nice. I 
have some white lilacs ( ! ) there now — lovely 
forced things that are really sweet. 

It is getting late and I must beat it to bed. 
I'll try to write sooner this next time. 

With loads and loads of love, 

Jule. 

Dad's letter dated Dec. 25th is the latest I 
have heard from you, I think. A nice letter 



196 FINDING THEMSELVES 

from Isabelle dated Dec. 13th arrived a few days 
ago. 

Feb. 6, 1918. 

A draft of men is marching by singing and 
whistling and shouting, which shows us that 
they are off to the front, for that is the way the 
troops leave to go to the trenches. I am very 
tired and spunkless to-night, and I haven't any 
lofty thoughts and inspirations, for the needs of 
the flesh are seeming to predominate, and what 
I want more than anything else is a wonderful hot 
bath in a beautiful warm bathroom, and then such 
a long sleep in a beautiful big bed, where I can- 
not hear any bugle-calls, any breakfast bells, any 
coughing nurses, or anything except perhaps 
soothing, joyriding automobiles. You can see 
my state of mind. Miss Taylor has been away on 
her leave for almost a fortnight, which has meant 
that things have been a good deal harder for me, 
even though I have had a very capable nurse to 
assist me in the office. But I am edgy and irri- 
table and need to get away myself. 

We have had a lot of perplexities to deal with, 
and I have needed to use continuous alertness 
of mind to keep up with the details. For instance, 
it requires five separate papers for each nurso 
who goes on leave, and I have had fifteen gone 
at a time for over two months, the group changing 
every day or so, and I must see that every paper 



FINDING THEMSELVES^ 197 

is correct or something will go wrong; the Ford 
won't be there to take them to the train, they 
won't have the papers which enable them to get 
the military fare on the train, or they won't have 
the proper form of request for a new serge uni- 
form which they can order and get fitted in Paris, 
or they will arrive back at the station with a 
heavy suitcase and no way of getting home except 
with much difficulty ; or some one won't be sched- 
uled to take their work in the wards, or they won't 
have received their salary before they left, or 
they have not told at which hotel they were plan- 
ning to stay, etc. etc. 

Ah well, I will be a much nicer person when I 
get back from my leave. I am due to go on the 
11th to London to be with Elizabeth M. 

The present group that are on leave, at least 
most of them, had the experience of being in a 
bombed city. Ruth was there and thought it all 
most interesting. Their hotel was near enough 
to the bombed district to make the experience 
unforgetable, although they were not in any way 
alarmed or hurt. 

Will Elsie please thank little Alice for her fine 
letter ? I didn't know that she could write so well 
and use such big words. I hope she will write 
me again soon. I am crazy about my little service 
flag. It is quite a curiosity here. The cold you 
have had over there has been far worse than ours. 



198 FINDING THEMSELVES 

So far we have had only about a month of really 
cold weather. Some of my Jewish nurses — I have 
three or four — were much interested in the 
"Chosen People." I am so glad that there is a 
chance of Dad's getting the song-books for us. 
We had a great sing a week ago Sunday evening, 
only such hymns ! regular revival ones. 

It is late and I must get to bed. I do feel 
your love and I need it so much. 

Loads and loads of love. 

Feb. 10, 1918. 

It is a glorious, sunny, mild, Springy day here. 
The patients who can walk are crawling out into 
the sun. Many beds have been carried out so 
that some of the sickest may have the benefit 
of the warm rays of the run. The nurses walk 
around with a kind of sauntering air that shows 
that they are able to appreciate the lovely day and 
the precious lack of rush. This afternoon there 
will be many walks. Last Sunday afternoon I had 
a perfect walk. We were gone from two to six- 
thirty, and walked miles through lovely country 
roads and lanes. Pussy-willows are out and bushes 
show budding leaves, and it feels as though Spring 
were really here. But we are likely to have more 
cold weather yet, we are told. I am on until about 
four-thirty. Miss Taylor is back and I am due 
to go to-morrow. Phil is coming down soon to 
play basket-ball with our officers against some 



FINDING THEMSELVES 199 

Canadian officers. There is a good place to play 
right in front of the grand stand on the track, which 
is all turf. I am looking forward most eagerly to my 
leave. I need to see new faces for a while. Phil 
and I had dinner together down town a few days 
ago. I had many errands at the Base Cashier's, 
banks, etc., and met him at our favorite rendez- 
vous — the Cathedral ; then we wandered around 
together, did little errands, had a nice dinner, 
and were back here by eight-thirty. 

That evening we had a lecture in the Mess 
by one of our young officers — a very brilliant 
young fellow — on the war. He has been giving 
a series of talks to us. The first was on the West- 
ern front and its changes, and the second was on 
the Balkan States. The nurses were much inter- 
ested. We are too near to be able to get any kind 
of a good view of the whole situation, and we have 
not time to hunt for it in periodicals. 

We have no further word about the Vassar 
proposition. It would be a fearfully hard thing 
to leave this Unit. 

I shall have such a nice time with Elizabeth 
in London. Food is scarce there; the paper says 
they in London can have only one meat meal a 
week! But what do I care? I'm bringing E. a 
present of sugar ! I'll write you from there. 
Loads and loads of love. 

v v Jule. 



£00 FINDING THEMSELVES 

London W. 
Friday, February 15, 1918. 

I want to tell all the details about going on 
leave to England, for it is something of an experi- 
ence. On Monday morning the eleventh, when I 
left, I had to report at the office of the D. D. M. S. 
in Rouen to get my travel warrant. Although 
I had asked for leave to England with permission 
to go on my own expense, because we are not 
asking leave permission from the British, I was 
told that that was not going to be possible, but 
that I would be sent through just as the English 
Sisters are. The Havre train left about half past 
ten and reached Havre about twelve-thirty. I 
was held up at the station when I wanted to leave 
and had to show my identification papers, but was 
soon let through. I learned afterwards that if 
I had been with some English Sisters that were go- 
ing to England too, I'd have been met and con- 
ducted as the others were. As I did not know 
that and was not with the others I went off by 
myself and was rather glad I did as I had a very 
interesting time. I went to a near-by hotel, that 
I had heard was the best, and had a very good 
lunch. Strangely enough, in the dining-room I ran 
into Mrs. Christy, the Chief Nurse of the N. Y. 
Presbyterian Unit, who was on her way to Cannes. 
I had only two words with her, as she was just 



FINDING THEMSELVES 201 

leaving, but when I told her I was going to Eng- 
land, she said she wasn't allowed to. It is most 
strange how different rules and regulations get 
through to the different Units. 

As I had the whole afternoon before me to spend 
in Havre I went to the nice women at the office 
and asked their advice as to the best promenade. 
They spoke no English, but we were able to under- 
stand each other beautifully. They directed me 
by means of two trams and a funicular railway 
to a very high part of the town, with a lovely 
view over the city and harbor. It was a glorious, 
sunny day so I had a beautiful time wandering 
about by myself. After walking quite a long way 
I found myself near a cemetery as a pitiful 
little French procession was entering. I followed 
just to see how this sort of thing was done in the 
French way. The funeral was for two tiny babies 
which were borne in tiny boxes on small litters 
carried by two men each. Two priests walked 
ahead and behind followed the relatives and 
friends. This was not really a cheerful way to 
spend part of one's holiday, especially as I could see 
at a little distance the interment of an Australian 
soldier, but it was interesting. I wandered around 
and talked to little children and watched people 
and gazed at aeroplanes sailing over the town 
for over three hours, then I went back to the hotel 
and had tea and then read until dinner time. 



202 FINDING THEMSELVES 

At dinner a Frenchman engaged me in conver- 
sation, much to my interest, as he spoke not a 
word of English and was just going over to Eng- 
land. He was as nervous and excited as could be 
and seemed so glad to talk. He had been wounded 
and was now permanently out of the army. 
At dinner we had had, among other vegetables, 
something called "soissons," which I had dis- 
covered to be a kind of bean. In the cab which 
the Frenchman and I took together to go to the 
quay he told me that he had been wounded at 
"Soissons" and that was why he always took 
"soissons" when they were on the menu. He 
showed me the watch charm he had had made 
from the piece of shell that had been taken out of 
his chest. They are so cunning, some of these 
French people. I lost him on the boat and didn't 
see him again except in the distance the next 
morning. 

On the boat I found that by paying a reasonable 
sum I could have a stateroom by myself instead 
of having to share with six English Sisters the 
ladies' saloon, which has had berths put into it 
which are perfectly comfortable, but which afford 
no privacy. I had a splendid night and slept like 
a top almost the whole night through. I woke 
once to find that the boat was tossing a little, but 
I was too tired and sleepy to care and promptly 
went to sleep again. I had not undressed very 



FINDING THEMSELVES 203 

much, but even the discomfort of day clothes 
could not keep me awake. I was quite surprised 
when the stewardess called me at six-thirty, and 
we were approaching the docks of Southampton. 
I don't know what time the boat left Havre. 
We went on board at eight-thirty and I was 
asleep before we left. After a breakfast of sorts 
on the boat we landed about seven-thirty. As the 
train to "town" didn't leave till nine-thirty 
there was plenty of time to send telegrams back 
to Rouen and on to Elizabeth in London. I came 
on to London with the English Sisters, who told 
me they had been met and taken care of and put 
on the boat and fed with a spoon almost every 
minute since they got off the train at Havre. 
I was awfully glad I was not with them, but was 
also glad to know that that was the way nurses 
traveling to England are looked after ordinarily, 
if they are not as exclusive and standoffish 
as these English ladies thought I was. I took 
pains to show them that I had not meant to 
be, but I simply had not expected to be looked 
after. 

London is just as fascinating as ever. There 
has been no sunshine since I have been here, but 
the weather has not been at all bad. It is just 
dark and smoky. It is wonderful to be here with 
Elizabeth in a home. Jim is so awfully busy with 
his hospital work we scarcely see him at all. 



204 FINDING THEMSELVES 

He often does not get in for meals, and so far he 
has had to be out every evening. Elizabeth is 
doing some very hard work on the American 
Committee at the Embassy. This is regular social 
service work for Americans in difficulties and is 
a part of the continuation of that big committee 
that did such splendid work at the beginning of 
the war. The committee that E. is on takes care 
of the women and married men with children and 
it still has plenty to do. 

I have just been reveling in the civilization 
and comfort of this home. E.'s china and silver 
and linen are a perfect joy which I never appre- 
ciated in any home so much before. The food 
question is getting pretty serious, but at present 
there is enough to eat, though Jim says he doesn't 
know how long there will be. It is very difficult 
to get things, as only small quantities can be sold 
at a time. There is no milk to be had except for 
invalids and children, there is scarcely any butter, 
sugar is sold by cards, and in a few days almost 
everything is going to be rationed. The sugar 
card that was issued to me before I left France 
allows my hostess to buy for me sugar not to 
exceed one and one seventh ounces a day for the 
exact time I am to be here. I brought E. a present 
of some domino lump sugar which you would 
have thought was a box of diamonds. When one 
is to lunch out anywhere one produces one's own 



FINDING THEMSELVES 205 

sugar from one's pocket ; otherwise the meal would 
be sugarless. 

I have been sleeping and sleeping ever since 
I arrived. I have my breakfast in bed almost 
every morning and lie abed afterwards in lazy 
sloth. The roar of the city is utterly soothing to 
me. Am I not an urbanite? Sometimes it is too 
dreadfully quiet at our camp at Rouen. My room 
is very high up in this narrow, tall English house, 
so that the noise of the streets is somewhat less 
than it would sound down lower. I have not 
wanted to be energetic yet, but I have been hav- 
ing such a good time, mostly doing nothing. E. 
and I have made pleasant pilgrimages out of the 
need of doing several small errands, and we have 
been to the theater twice already. I just ache for 
the theater and am leading E. a quite willing 
martyr right up to as many shows as I can get 
in. We have seen Charles Hawtrey in "The 
Saving Grace," which was very entertaining, and 
not too much about the war, and this afternoon 
we went to the Colosseum to a variety show which 
included Mrs. Lillie Langtry and Vesta Tilley. 
To-morrow we are going to see Mrs. Patrick 
Campbell in "The Thirteenth Chair" — all of 
which you see is the greatest dissipation. 

I have not seen a single American nurse so far 
as I know, and I have not visited a single hospital 
and don't mean to. This morning I went to pay 



206 FINDING THEMSELVES 

my respects to the British Matron-in-Chief. 
She was less formidable than the last time I saw 
her and was really quite cordial. She took me to 
see General Goodwin, who is to be Director General 
of the medical forces and who has recently returned 
from the States. He was most charming and I had 
a delightful talk with him. I was glad of a chance 
to tell these British officials how fortunate we 
think we are to have been sent to work with the 
British, and to tell them how we have appreciated 
all the innumerable courtesies they have shown 
us and the way they have helped us. 

E. and I have had lunch down town one day 
and we have had her mother-in-law and brother- 
in-law here to dinner. I have had a splendid real 
shampoo for the first time since we left London 
last June. We have several pleasant little things 
planned to do next week, but I like best just sit- 
ting around here on real, soft-cushioned sofas. 
E.'s two little boys are darlings. I don't see them 
much as most of the time they are off with "nurse." 
Jim is four and a half now and John just two. 

You see I am having a wonderful rest. Good 
night, and loads of love. 

Jule. 

Rouen, March 14, 1918. 

Here I am back with my children, very happy 
that I am not to return to the States, and per- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 207 

fectly content to stay here where I know I am 
needed and can be of use. The future is on the 
lap of the gods. If I get orders to go to Paris, 
or anywhere else, I will go, leaving these dear 
people with the greatest regret. But I have nothing 
to worry about and can go about my work with 
the greatest peace. 

We are having a great number of the most 
pitiful cases these last few nights ; gassed men in 
terrible condition. Nearly three hundred the last 
two nights, and a hundred and fifty due to-night. 
Major Murphy said that last night's convoy was 
the worst he has seen since we have been here. 
Ambulance load after ambulance load of stretcher 
cases with bandaged eyes and burning lungs. 
The men tell awful stories of whole companies 
affected so that not a man, an officer, or a doctor 
is able to do a thing for anybody else. It seems to 
be a new kind of gas. At any rate the effects seem 
to be different from those we have observed before. 
The masks have not seemed to protect the men. 
We have had so many put on the Seriously 111 and 
Dangerously 111 lists to-day, Miss Taylor has been 
writing letters to families all day. 

March 18, 1918. 

Dearest Mother : — 

It is such heavenly weather here and things 
are so beautiful. Everything is quiet and happy 



208 FINDING THEMSELVES 

and peaceful here with us though our work seems 
to be increasing pretty steadily. I cannot help 
feeling more or less agitated inside, for I know 
that an order to leave this Unit and go to Paris 
may come any minute. When the order actually 
arises, there is not going to be anything but 
approval, I think, among my nurses as far as my 
action and my duty go — for they'll know this 
is an order and not a choice in any way — but 
there is going to be a bad time when it comes to 
parting. I dread it fearfully, for I know they all 
care for me and won't want me to go from a per- 
sonal point of view, and I shall feel dreadfully 
about leaving them. We have all been through 
so much together we feel very close. Same way 
about the officers. I shall hate to leave them. But 
it is coming. Phil won't like it either. 
Such is life in the army ! 

Loads of love, 

Jule. 

March 25, 1918. 

This typewriter is almost hot, it has been worked 
so hard to-day. I think Miss Taylor and I have 
written over forty Dangerously 111 and Seriously 
111 letters to-day, from which you may infer that 
we are busy. We are busier than we have ever 
been before. I am snatching a few moments 
while the day and night shifts change to tell you 



FINDING THEMSELVES 209 

a little about things, then in a little while I must 
go down to the lines and see how things are and 
send off to bed the many day nurses I am sure 
to find on duty still. The nurses all hate so ter- 
ribly to go off when there are so many things 
remaining to be done, but I cannot have them 
working both day and night, for in a few days, if 
they keep that up, they won't be able to work at 
all. No one has had a minute "off duty" for five 
days now and they are beginning to show it, 
but they have got to keep this up for a while 
longer and so I drive them off with many things 
left undone. Of course there are always night 
nurses to go on with the work, but they are usually 
only one to a hut or line, where in the day-time 
there may have been four or five. 

Our excitement began last Thursday the 21st 
with an order that for all ranks Rouen was to be 
"Out of Bounds." This was because they had 
Smallpox there. We have maids, French teachers, 
stenographers, and sewing-women coming back 
and forth every day and things looked compli- 
cated — and were. But only for a while. Every- 
body was vaccinated, and the important civilians 
were given daily passes, and so our work goes 
on about as usual. I made temporary arrangements 
for four maids to stay here on the grounds with us. 

That very day we were given an hour's warning 
in getting our next team off for a Clearing Station. 



210 FINDING THEMSELVES 

The people had been designated but they were 
not packed. You never saw any woman packed 
in more double-quick time than our dear nurse 
was. We have been a bit worried about her ever 
since she left, for disquieting reports of great 
activity in her vicinity have been coming to us 
every day since she left. She has six good Ameri- 
can men to look after her, which is a comforting 
thought to us. 

That day patients began to pour in upon us. 
We were told to be prepared to receive unlimited 
numbers. Well, they have been coming. Day 
before yesterday we operated on fifty cases, yes- 
terday fifty-one, to-day they had seventy-three 
scheduled. I have just been down on the lines 
and to the operating-room. You would not believe 
me if I told you how that place looks. They have 
at least forty more cases to operate on to-night. 
Both the day and the night shifts of nurses are 
there, but the day shift promises to go up in an 
hour. As more convoys are due to-night, there 
may be even more to be operated upon than are 
scheduled. The doctors are about dead. They 
are working in shifts as much as they can. The 
stretcher-bearers are dead tired, but as cheerful 
as monkeys. I was just at the "Point," where 
ambulances are loaded and unloaded, and a con- 
voy of stretcher cases was just going out to be 
shipped to England,, I think. Our American boys 



FINDING THEMSELVES 211 

were jollying the Tommies who were on the 
stretchers, and it all sounded so cheerful. 

It is not so cheerful when the convoys come in. 
Last night we had a convoy come in that seemed 
to be all D. I. cases, many were too badly off to 
be operated on. It still makes one sick at the 
stomach to read on a man's card : " Gun-shot 
wound, face, chest and right arm, amputation 
both legs." Major Fischel has just been in to say 
that since there must be two hundred "walking 
wounded" ready to go out by ten a.m. he wants 
to know if I can have nurses to help dress their 
wounds early in the morning. I said " Yes, if he 
meant by early, 7:30" because I wanted the 
nurses to have something to eat before the start. 
Seven-thirty will do, so £00 walkers who came in 
to-day will have fresh dressings put on their in- 
juries and be ready to be shipped along at ten. 

So it goes. We have no time for sore vaccinated 
arms, but fortunately I have heard of only one 
that is sore so far. People are such bricks under 
pressure like this. It is perfectly marvelous. I 
cannot say how glad I am that we managed 
to give every nurse a whole day off a week or so 
ago; they certainly needed any reserve strength 
they could store up. Two nurses just got back 
from leave in Paris this evening. For the past 
three days they have been bombed and raided. 
Most of the past three nights they have spent in 



212 FINDING THEMSELVES 

cellars. But they have had a wonderful vacation 
and are so glad to get back. We need them here 
all right. All leaves for all ranks are now stopped 
until further notice. I don't see Phil at all these 
days, for he too is tres occupe. He was here a 
minute to-day and left mother's letter of Feb. 28, 
but I did not see him as I had dashed down town 
in the Ford (with special duty pass) to do some 
necessary banking and to get some Carrel tubing 
from the British Red Cross stores. Our supply is 
exhausted and new lots have not come through 
and we are using it by the mile. I got some, and 
other necessary things too. 

You ought to see the way we are using up 
supplies. But so far we seem to have enough of 
the necessities. We have long since ceased to 
attempt to change sheets between patients. A 
good many patients have been in beds without 
sheets at all, but that is a minor matter. Major 
Fischel just gave me a guess on the number of 
patients we have taken in or sent out to-day. I 
said five hundred, and he replied, "nearly double 
that." We have taken in and sent out all day 
long, and to show the spirit of the men, Major F. 
repeated the remark of the head Sergeant of the 
records, who said he wished we could get in a few 
more before midnight so that he could say it had 
been over a thousand. It is a stupendous piece 
of work and it all goes so smoothly. Now I must 



FINDING THEMSELVES 213 

go to bed for I am weary, but first I must see 
about the nurses for the morning. 

It is the next evening now and we are waiting 
for the Night Supervisors to come to get the 
evening report and to be told the arrangements 
for the night. Things have been keeping up the 
same way ever since last evening. Only, two of 
our men have died and we were so glad to have 
them die. The sister of the man with the double 
amputation has arrived from England after such 
a rough, cold trip. We have had a case of diph- 
theria develop to-day among the nurses and she 
has been sent off to the contagious hospital, where 
Phil will probably have charge of her. She had 
a throat yesterday and we isolated her until a 
report from her throat-culture could be obtained. 
Of course we are taking cultures from the " con- 
tacts," but hope there will be no more positives. 
Still no bad arms from the vaccinations ! 

The men tell such dreadful stories and are so 
glad to get into bed and to be made clean. Often 
we cannot get them bathed even the least little 
bit before they have to be taken to the operating 
room, but we try to wash them up as soon as 
possible. Just think of the problem of hot water 
to bathe five or six hundred patients in a camp 
where all the hot water has to be heated on camp 
stoves after being drawn from about a single 
pipe. The "walking wounded" are so pathetic. 



214 FINDING THEMSELVES 

They go limping off to the tents to which they 
have been assigned, leaning on each other and 
helping each other all they can. A nurse told me 
a few minutes ago that one of her incoming pa- 
tients who walked in was a young boy who had had 
his right arm amputated four days ago ! Another 
one said he had had nothing to eat but cigarettes 
and tea for four days ! Another with an amputated 
arm was so troubled to have a sister bathe and 
shave and shampoo him. She is a cracker jack at 
shaving, and all the orderlies are carrying stretch- 
ers. But oh, she was so glad to make him clean 
and comfortable. Our dietitian, Miss Watkins, 
is doing regular nursing work and doing it so 
well. One of the nurses told me that before Miss 
W. gave her first bath she said, "Now, I'll just 
pretend that this is my brother." She takes 
temperatures and pulses and bathes and feeds 
but does not do dressings yet. She is so fine, 
but says she does not ever want to go back to 
cooking. Here are the night people, and I must 
stop. I have been down to the camp since I 
started to write. 
Much, much love, 

J. 

April 6, 1918. 

I last wrote on March 25th, and now it is nearly 
two weeks later. Our rush has kept steadily up 



FINDING THEMSELVES 215 

until day before yesterday. Yesterday was the 
very first day in two weeks that any nurse had 
any time off duty. Yesterday, because of reinforce- 
ments that arrived, we were able to send every 
nurse off to rest for three hours. It was the most 
extraordinary Easter anybody ever spent. For 
two nights before we had over two hundred 
patients sleeping on the benches on the grand 
stands. These were "walking wounded," but 
wounded, you will notice. On one of those days 
we had over fifteen hundred patients. We never 
kept any "walkers"; they were sent right on to 
the Convalescent Camps, where they were able 
to expand more. We dressed every case here, 
though, before they were sent on. We certainly 
found out not only what we can do in an emer- 
gency, but what the British Army system can do. 
We are constantly marveling at the efficiency, 
speed, and lack of waste with which the English 
manage their business. 

We all physically were so hard pushed Major 
Murphy wired for help, and just a day before this 
lull we received a mobile Unit from the A. E. F., 
fifteen nurses and thirty-odd enlisted men. You 
may be sure we were glad to get them, though 
fifteen nurses were just lost in the shuffle and 
did not seem to make the slightest difference. 
They all were very young, inexperienced, little 
things from Kentucky, who had only recently 



216 FINDING THEMSELVES 

landed and had not seen a patient since they 
had been over. Some of them are only twenty- 
one (the age limit has been lowered; it was 
twenty-five when we left) and have only been 
out of a training-school a very short time, 
and had only been in very small Kentucky 
hospitals. So it seemed a heart-breaking thing 
to thrust them into this unbelievable hell of 
a hospital. 

Such a baptism of fire as they got that first 
afternoon ! I tried to prepare them all I could, 
but no words could convey anything like the 
reality to their inexperienced minds. It was 
pouring when they came at 12 : 30 a.m. (and me to 
meet them here, and feed them, and find them a 
place to sleep with a half-hour's notice of their 
coming !) and it was pouring rain the next after- 
noon when the Supervisor started off with the 
little rubber-coated-and-hatted group to drop 
one here and another there according to assign- 
ments we had made here in the office. A little 
later I had occasion to go down in the lines, and 
I looked in one of the huts just to see what the 
little new thing looked like. Just before I got to 
the hut a little procession had come out of the 
door. First two of our men carrying a stretcher 
covered with a Union Jack, then a second stretcher 
also covered by a flag, then our Supervisor walk- 
ing behind accompanying them to the mortuary. 



FINDING THEMSELVES 217 

People along the line stood rigidly at attention 
as they passed, and saluted. Then I went into 
the hut. The odor that hit me as I entered was 
terrific, for most of the cases in this hut have 
penetrating chest wounds which drain. The little 
nurse was standing by the stove stirring some- 
thing in a cup on it with a spoon. She was green- 
white and looked utterly nauseated. I did not 
dare speak to her, for fear she would lose any 
control she had left, so I told the weary head 
nurse to be as gentle with the little thing as she 
could and try to realize what she was going 
through. f 

That evening I spoke to their group for about 
ten minutes and told them that it was not going 
to be like this always, and about the mitigations 
and the happy part of it all. Then I asked them if, 
after all, this was not what they had come for, 
and weren't they glad they were here. A most 
sincere response made me feel that they would 
be all right soon. Like all young things, they 
are adjusting wonderfully and are already mak- 
ing themselves felt, and are going about as 
chipper and happy as monkeys. But oh, the 
poor little dears, they will never forget that 
first day. 

The night after these fifteen arrived another 
contingent appeared at 1 : 15 a.m. in the pouring 
rain ! This time I had known it about three hours, 



218 FINDING THEMSELVES 

but at that time of night there was very little 
I could do to make preparation, for I simply- 
insisted that my poor tired nurses should not be 
disturbed. I lay on my bed part of the evening, 
but as a nurse was sick and I had to get Major 
Fischel for her, it was not for long. When they 
arrived, weary and miserable, I fed them hot 
soup, made from bouillon cubes that some kind 
person had sent us, and gave them bread and cheese 
and jam, and then put them to bed in the night 
nurses' beds in their separate huts. They could 
not even have a wash, but they said they did not 
care, all they wanted was sleep. 

These poor souls had been ordered to leave their 
Unit that morning with a couple of hours' notice 
only and were sent off in several different direc- 
tions, fifteen to us here and fifteen to the Cleve- 
land hospital up the road and somewhere else. 
Naturally they are the homesickest, bluest group 
of nurses you ever saw. You can just imagine 
how we would feel if we were suddenly ordered 
to scatter. The reason for their scattering is 
pretty obvious to us here, but I cannot write 
about it. These nurses are a real help, for they 
have been in a busy British hospital as long as 
we have and they are all experienced, well-trained 
nurses. But how they are all hating us at present. 
For my ways are not their Matron's ways and 
everything about this hospital is far inferior 



FINDING THEMSELVES 219 

to theirs. I have seen their hospital and they are 
right in lots of ways. Their former quarters were 
far superior to ours, and of course all these last 
comers are having only make-shift quarters. 
We have erected three marquees for them, but 
they are pretty dreary. They have no lights but 
lanterns as yet, and their luggage has just come 
and some of it has been lost, and it rains, and 
you can see the picture. They will settle down 
pretty soon, and my people are being as kind as 
they can be to them and are trying not to mind 
their grumbling. I tell them they would grumble 
worse if the positions were reversed, or I don't 
know anything about them. 

Well, so much for the war, except that to-day 
we have had no convoys in and are catching our 
breaths. I cannot tell you the details of the days 
that have passed since I last wrote. There were 
so many deaths and so many awful cases and such 
pitiful things going on all the time it was hard 
to keep steady, especially as every one was much 
over- worked. Miss Taylor and I had to stick 
pretty tight to the office work or it would have 
swamped us ; so we tried to keep up with ourselves 
each day, and never left at night until we had 
every S. I. and D. I. letter written. Of course 
the end of the month came along just then, and 
all the regular monthly things had to be tucked 
in also. And of course_there was no possibility 



220 FINDING THEMSELVES 

of having a clever man-stenographer for two days 
to do my complicated British payroll, as I have 
had before, for every available man was working 
night and day, hence I had to squeeze that in 
also. So a job that takes about two solid days 
of an uninterrupted clerk's time had to be put 
into the midst of an office where people were 
running in and out every minute ; but it got done, 
and I was a bit proud when I finished the thing 
at ten o'clock that night when the first reinforce- 
ment arrived. 

We have certainly learned what we can do. 
I don't mind for myself, but it breaks my heart 
to see my children get hollow-eyed and white, 
and see them one by one succumb, at least tem- 
porarily, and have to be sent to bed. They have 
done wonders. To-day, for instance, with 130 
nurses here, after all they have been through, 
I have just three in hospital; one with diph- 
theria, one with a kind of trench fever due to 
exhaustion, and the third, my dear, brave soul 
who came down from the evacuated C. C. S. 
She has just "exhaustion" for a diagnosis. She 
was sent down without baggage or the rest of 
the team, 48 hours after arriving. The last ten 
hours of her trip were standing in a freight car 
packed with refugees. She arrived here at five 
one morning dead to the world. She had slept 
on the floor the two nights before as much as she 



FINDING THEMSELVES 221 

could and been operating sixteen hours straight 
before that. We were so thankful to get her back 
safely. The men arrived safely later. Her CCS. 
was captured. She went on duty 36 hours after 
she arrived here apparently as good as new, but 
she could not stand the strain and could not eat, 
so we sent her to the Sick Sisters' Hospital for a 
rest. In quarters I have one nurse recovering from 
gastro-enteritis and another with a bothersome 
knee, and all the rest are working ! Isn't that 
doing pretty well for women? After my two 
nights up until after two and going each morning 
as usual for very, very busy mornings, making 
arrangements about new nurses and seeing to 
their records, I had a bit of an upset myself 
and felt pretty miserable. So one afternoon I 
went to bed at four and stayed there until the 
next morning and have been much better since. 
It has all been something of a strain. 

Then the morning after the second night up 
(April 4) Major Murphy brought me in my order 
to go to Paris to be Chief Nurse of the American 
Red Cross. It was almost too much, but I was too 
busy to think about it, so I put it in my pocket 
and tried to forget it. To-night I am going to tell 
my original group. I am appointed by the Chief 
Surgeon and am still in the Army. It is an order, 
and there is no disputing it. When I get away, 
I shall be glad of the opportunity it presents, 



222 FINDING THEMSELVES 

but just at present I cannot seem to bear it. 
These were just the American orders, and I must 
wait for the British ones, which will probably 
come through in a few days. I am "relieved from 
further duty at No. 12 General Hospital B. E. F. 
and will proceed to Paris, France, reporting on 
arrival to the Chief Surgeon, Am. Red Cross in 
France, for duty as Chief Nurse with the Ameri- 
can Red Cross." 

I saw Phil yesterday a moment and told him 
of my order, and strangely enough he had just 
received an order to go to Paris for duty with 
Dr. Blake's hospital. Curious, isn't it ? But won't 
it be nice for us both to be there? Paris is not 
such a sweet little health resort just at present 
as it has been. But bombs and long-distance guns 
are nothing to me. 

I guess you don't need to be told how I feel 
about leaving my children here after all we have 
been through together. It is quite beyond words. 
I am just trying to steel myself to it, and to get 
it over as fast as possible. Now it is time to go 
and break it to them. How can I make them glad 
to have me go ? For I must do that. 

It's the next day now — a quiet, sunny Sun- 
day. Everything went all right last night, and my 
nurses are bricks. They weep, but they are glad 
to have me go. I am trying to get ready to leave 
in a few days. I am so sorry for all your uncer- 



FINDING THEMSELVES 223 

tainty about me. It was a grand mix-up. Miss 
Taylor is to be Chief Nurse here. 
Loads and loads of love, 

Jule. 

It was getting dark as I went down between 
the A and B lines of tents. Ducking under the 
entrance of A. 3 tent, I stopped just a moment 
inside the door, to get used to the darkness in the 
tent. The fourteen beds in the tent were all full 
and I thought at first that no nurse was there. 
Then I saw her. She was kneeling beside the 
low cot of a lad whose whole head was bandaged. 
The tight starch bandage covered his ears and his 
eyes, and came down under his chin. A glance 
at his face showed that he was not far from the 
end. "Robert, lad, what are you trying to say?" 
she was asking, bending over him with her arm 
across his shoulder and her face close to his lips. 
"Say it again, boy, so that I can hear you. Did 
you want me to do something for you?" Slowly 
pulling his arms out he reached up and drew her 
head down to his and kissed her on the cheek. 
"I think," he said, "you must be like my sister." 
Just then she saw me. "Oh, excuse me, Matron," 
she said as she rose, "I didn't hear you come in." 
We walked through to the connecting tent while 
the other thirteen men stirred and pretended to 
wake up. 



224 FINDING THEMSELVES 

A nurse stopped at the office to leave the notices 
of two new "Dangerously 111" cases. As she 
handed me the slip she said, "Of the sixty-four 
new stretcher cases we got in last night, all have 
bandaged eyes. They are the worst gassed men 
I have ever seen. I've done nothing but irrigate 
eyes all the morning. One man discovered that 
he could see a little when I got his lids opened 
and his eyes washed out, and he burst out 'Oh, 
sister, I can see, and I am not going to be blind 
after all, am I?' Then I realized what an agony 
of fear there must be in the minds of those sixty- 
four motionless men, not one of whom had even 
whimpered — so since then I've been saying to 
each one that he was sure to see after a while, for 
you know if they live they nearly all do get back 
their sight, and probably not more than those 
two D. I.'s will die. But think what they have 
been suffering ! " 

Another nurse was giving a bath to a man who 
had just been brought in on a stretcher, "Oh, 
but you are the dirtiest man I ever saw," she 
laughed at him, "absolutely the very dirtiest." 
"Oh, sister, don't say that," he said. "How could 
I help it? I haven't had a bath nor a change of 
underclothes for twenty-two days." — Quick came 
the answer, "If that's the case, I call you clean." 

The orderly came up to the sister and said, 
"May I have a piece of gauze and a bandage?" 



FINDING THEMSELVES 225 

"Surely," she said, as she handed it to him, " and 
what do you want it for?" "For the Hun there 
at the door who has cut his finger." Looking down 
the hut to the door, she could see standing just 
outside a Boche prisoner and his British guard. 
The orderly took the dressings outside and band- 
aged up the finger. When he came back, some 
of the patients who had been watching said, "I 
wish his finger were off, and why didn't you cut 
off his head? etc." Then a man in a near-by bed, 
whose leg was stretched out in a weighted exten- 
sion, said, "Oh, boys, don't talk like that; we are 
fighting the Huns up the line, but we are not 
fighting them down here." 

When he came up with the rest of the blue, 
hospital-clothed men for final inspection before 
being signed out for Convalescent camp, the 
Major noticed that he had a D. S. M. ribbon on his 
coat. "How did you get this, Jock?" the Major 
asked, pointing to the ribbon. "Oh that, sir," 
he said, "there were a few occurrences, sir," 
and he went on his way. 

His right leg had been amputated, his right 
hand was badly wounded, and his left foot had a 
hole right through it, but he was always smiling 
and cheerful, and had a come-back for every 
foolish thing that was said to him. One day the 
Padre asked him how he could keep so cheerful 
all the time when he must have so much pain. 

Q 



226 FINDING THEMSELVES 

"Oh," he laughed, "it's in the book, Boy Scouts 
Manual, page 8, paragraph 3, 'Smile and keep 
whistling.'" 

Here's the copy of a telegram I got Major M. 
to send last week. "Director General of Volun- 
tary Offerings, Scotland House, London : Num- 
ber Twelve General Hospital urgently needs 
three thousand each, two, three, and four inch 
roller bandages, thousand each abdominal, chest, 
shoulder, hip, elbow, head triangular and T band- 
ages. Two hundred each, elbow, arm, and leg 
splints, two hundred sand-bags, three dozen pairs 
crutches, five hundred limb pillows, thousand 
pneumonia jackets, five hundred arm slings, five 
cases each absorbent wool (in America, 'cot- 
ton') and absorbent gauze, also unlimited gauze 
dressings." The next day we got the message : 
"Bulk of all articles named being shipped immedi- 
ately." Pretty good business? We have received 
notice of twenty bales sent from London already. 

Paris, April 12, 1918. 

If I don't hurry and write I shall not be able to 
remember a single one of the really memorable 
things that have happened to me since I last 
wrote. I am getting new impressions so fast I 
can hardly straighten out one from another. 
I last wrote April 6 just after I got my orders to 
move. On Sunday the 7th the British orders 



FINDING THEMSELVES 227 

came, and I decided that I would be ready to 
leave Wednesday the 10th. — Just then Philip 
was announced and I went down to see him. 
He had just arrived in Paris. It was a curious 
coincidence his being ordered here, too, just as 
I was. 

Sunday evening we had one of the finest sings 
up in our mess that ever anybody had. Every 
Major, including the two English ones, was there, 
and all the young officers too, and the mess was 
full, and there was much amusement, as they all 
tried to ask for their favorite tunes at the same 
time. We used the new Y. M. C. A. service hymn- 
books that Aunt M. sent and they proved most 
acceptable, and everybody seemed to find his or 
her favorite hymn in it. I played my violin and 
a fine player played the piano, and I can tell 
you we made the welkin ring. It was a bit hard 
for me, especially when some idiot asked for "God 
be with you till we meet again." But nobody 
could know how badly I was feeling. 

Monday was very busy all day. That eve- 
ning was our usual little family dance, which I 
attended. The next day I finished turning things 
over to Miss Taylor, went up to Sick Sisters' Hospi- 
tal to say good-by to the nurses up there, and the 
afternoon, packed. The D. D. M. S. came to say 
good-by and the Acting Principal Matron, which 
was nice of such busy people at such a busy time. 



228 FINDING THEMSELVES 

The nurses were full of mysteries all those last 
days and that afternoon I found in my room a 
wonderful fitted dressing-bag, the kind my soul 
has always longed for. It is like a small suit-case, 
is black, and has a cloth cover and is a perfect 
beauty. That was from my whole family. Then 
the original 64 gave me a lovely little gold mesh- 
purse to go on my watch chain with my other 
dangles. That too was another thing I had been 
hoping to have some time. 

I forgot to say that on Saturday evening I had 
talked to the 64 and told them about my going. 
They were all splendid about it and are glad that 
I am going to have this position which they think 
needs me. They told me individually and collec- 
tively how badly they felt about my going, but 
they all think it is the right thing and there has 
not been one murmur or horrid feeling about it. 
They are giving me to the bigger cause freely and 
gladly, though with truly sincere sorrow, I know. 
So that has made things easy for me, in a way. 

That last evening they all had a big reception 
for Miss Taylor, Miss Claiborne, the new assist- 
ant, and me. The officers sent wonderful bunches 
of roses to all three of us. The party was a wonder. 
After everybody was there, three Majors came 
for us three over in my sitting-room and escorted 
us over to the mess, where we were lined up, and 
everybody came up and shook hands and said 



FINDING THEMSELVES 229 

nice things. After some general talk we all sang 
songs out of the back of Aunt M.'s books, " Old 
Oaken Bucket," "Swanee River," "Auld Lang 
Syne," " Juanita," and the like ; then Miss Taylor 
and I ran away and it was all over. My four dear 
Majors gave me the most beautiful charm to 
wear on my watch chain. It is a round, flat un- 
polished crystal, about as big as a quarter, with 
a^red cross in the center, made of large garnets. 
It is a perfect beauty. Major Clopton got it at 
Tiffany's in Paris for me, and the four of them 
all signed the dearest note that went with it. 
They have been such wonderful friends to me and 
I am so horribly lonesome without them. No 
woman leaving a job ever had such things said 
to her as I have had, this past week. 

But, oh, I need to remember them now, for if 
ever there was a desolate soul, it is I. My prede- 
cessor left before I arrived. Her assistant has 
been sick and away from the office ever since I 
have been here, and I have been simply flounder- 
ing. Miss Morgan is a great help, but, I wish it 
was a month from now and I knew something 
of my job, which is huge. One can only sit tight 
and not let oneself be discouraged. It's got to 
come out right. Our job is, I am sure, to do our 
job and wait patiently. 

Lovingly, 

Jule. 



230 FINDING THEMSELVES 

Paris, May 17, '18. 

Now to go back a bit. Last Sunday I was down 
in Rouen ! By Friday the 19th I was so home- 
sick and lonesome for all my children and the 
hospital that when some of the officers blew 
into my office and said they were going back 
Saturday evening at five, after their meetings 
were over, I decided I would go with them. 
It was very easy to arrange, and oh, I was so 
glad I went. Our train was late and we did not 
reach the camp until about nine-thirty, but I 
got a welcome all right ! It did me more good 
than anything else possibly could have done, and I 
came back renewed in courage and strength in 
a most remarkable way, and perfectly sure if so 
many dear people loved me so much and had 
such confidence in me, maybe I could manage 
this awful job after all. Sunday morning I played 
with Ruth and talked with lots of other people. 
That noon we had Maj. Murphy up to dinner 
with us. Before that I went to the office and talked 
"shop " with the "Little Matron," as my children, 
who are now her children, lovingly call her. I 
stayed with her in my old rooms that night and 
we talked long into the night, much to the easing 
of my heart and mind. She has a bed in the sit- 
ting-room, used as a couch, which she says is 
ready for me any time I want to use it. Later 
I met lots of people, officers and nurses, for t^a 



FINDING THEMSELVES 231 

in the mess. Then M. T. (Miss Taylor, the little 
matron) and I had early supper together in her 
sitting-room. Then Maj. Murphy said that he 
had been planning to go up to Paris the next day, 
and he would go a day ahead, so he came along 
with me. We left at seven and arrived at ten. 
Phil met me and we came home to this nice apart- 
ment into which Phil had moved all his and my 
things that day. I am going again to Rouen just 
as soon as I possibly can, because I need so much 
to see them all. They don't need me, for every- 
thing is going wonderfully smoothly, but I need 
to see them. We don't talk about their shop, 
for naturally I am not doing a single thing about 
their local business, but M. T. talks over my shop 
with me and helps me lots. That is certainly the 
most wonderful group of men and women it has 
ever been my privilege to work with. The more 
I see and hear of other groups, the more I realize 
how exceptional ours is. And oh, how good they 
have been to me. Most of them, I feel, will be 
my friends forever, and a few of them will be 
some of the most precious possessions that a 
person could ever have. Sundays are my own, 
and so I want to go down there often. The anni- 
versary of our leaving [May 17th] will be my next 
visit, I hope. 



Printed in the United States of America. 



'T'HE following pages contain advertisements of a few 
of the Macmillan books on kindred subjects. 



A War Nurses Diary 



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thing more than another is revealed in the letters, it is that the 
writers do not want to be pitied, rather envied. All express 
in one way or another that death has no terrors for ' the good 
soldier. ' " 

"In such a collection . . . the letters themselves are their 
own best comment. A mere reviewer has no place with these 
offerings. . . . They are such important matters as history 
leaves out, but hearts remember." — N. Y. World. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 



WINSTON CHURCHILL'S NEW BOOK 



A Traveler in War-Time 

With an Essay on " The American Contribution and 
the Democratic Idea " 

By WINSTON CHURCHILL 

Author of " The Inside of the Cup," etc. 

Illustrated, cloth, i2tno, $1.25 

Here we have an account of Mr. Churchill's experiences in 
France and England during the latter half of 191 7. Many 
privileges were extended to the distinguished American novelist 
on his trip abroad, with the result that he has a most interest- 
ing story to tell as to conditions in the warring countries in the 
third year of the great conflict. He writes of famous battle- 
fields which he visited, of distinguished people with whom he 
conversed and of the spirit and temper of the times. 

Not the least compelling section of the volume is the final 
one, occupying nearly one hundred pages, entitled The American 
Contribution and the Democratic Idea. 

"Coming as it does at a most timely moment, it is a great 
document. . . . Mr. Churchill has written a chapter in the 
history of American thought, and one to be considered faith- 
fully by all true Americans." — N. Y. Times. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

Publisher! 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 



H. G. WELLS' NEW BOOK 



In the Fourth Year 

By H. G. WELLS 



Cloth, $1.25 



"He pleads the cause of the League of Nations idea with all his 
well-known vigor, daring, forcefulness and unconventionality. . . It is 
as a forceful argument for the establishment of a League of Nations 
and for seeing to it at once that such a league shall be under demo- 
cratic control rather than under that of men of the old-style diplo- 
matic school, and as a vigorous setting forth of the alternative, that 
Mr. Wells' new book challenges and merits attention." 

— N. Y. Times. 

"... The abundant thought which Mr. Wells' genius has clari- 
fied and presented to his readers with his usual bold lucidity. The 
book is replete with vision and modernism, and affords a tremendous 
amount of solid food for thought." — Philadelphia Public Ledger. 

"A brilliant and suggestive volume. . . . For the popularization 
of what is most genuinely liberal in the best general thought of his 
time, Mr. Wells has assuredly no equal." — New Republic. 

"Most stimulating perhaps of all the new books about peace." 

— Boston Post. 

"He represents better than any one else, perhaps, the reactions 
of the war of the keen-thinking, broad- visioned English publicist. . . . 
His function is to turn upon his subject the searching light of truth, 
directed by a keen and active mind." — The Independent. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 



MASEFIELD'S AMERICAN LECTURES 

The War and the Future 

By JOHN MASEFIELD 

Author of " Gallipoli," " The Old Front Line," etc. $1.25 

This volume contains the two lectures which Mr. Masefield 
delivered in this country in 1918. Their subject matter has 
been widely discussed, relating as they do to the war and its 
successful prosecution and the future of war, and there will 
doubtless be many who will welcome the opportunity of pos- 
sessing them in permanent form. 



The Old Front Line 

By JOHN MASEFIELD 

"AN ETCHING OF THE BATTLE OF THE SOMME " A 

$1.00 
"What Mr. Masefield did in print for the Gallipoli campaign 
he now does for the campaign in France. The new work meas- 
ures up to the standard set by its companion both in vital 
interest and in literary quality." 

— Philadelphia North American. 

Gallipoli 

By JOHN MASEFIELD 

Illustrated, $1.35 
"A splendid tale of bravery splendidly told ... a minia- 
ture epic." — N. Y. Post. 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 



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